Monday, September 04, 2006

Labor Day Vivid Riot of Red

1. 300 gallons of Heinz ketchup were a last-ditch effort to keep the relationship fresh. Unfortunately, the beagle drowned.

2. Rosie O'Donnell had a 'heavy flow' day.

3. Famous last words: "Croikey! 'Ow bad did that croc bite me this time?"

4. When the NOW convention erupted in a 'Wilding,' anything with testicles was a target.

5. Gus van Sant's commercials for Hunt's Catsup drover sales to new lows everywhere except San Francisco, West Hollywood, and Key West.

6. Nad Lamont and Paul Hackett face off in "Moonbat Deathmatch."

7. After the success of McPlayland, McDonald's added McThunderdome for older children.

8. Ang Lee remakes From Here To Eternity

Best of Submariner
My gawd! For ALL our sake, would someone PLEASE get the Shehag a tampon?

It.Puts.The.LOTION.On.Its.FACE.

Best of Big Dadd
"Always use a condiment!"

Best of divine miss m
"Now is ze time on Sprockets when ve swim in ze viscous vegetable matter."

Best of prince of leaves
At the Heinz plant, the tomayto/tuhmahto argument eventually devolved into an incident of workplace violence.

It was a messy job, but the outfeed pipe on the Soylent Red tank wasn't going to unclog itself.

Best of Cybrludite
This remake of "The Shining" keeps getting more surreal. What's with the gay couple in the "elevators o' blood" scene?

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Into the blood, scum queen!"

So, I get what happens to the weather if Puxatwany Phil pops his head out and sees his shadow... but what happens when he simply explodes?

If your going to catch droplets of rain in your mouth, try not to do it next door to the slaughterhouse. Heck, that was almost Jack Handey-able!

"That's right, Domino's... Half sausage and pepperoni, half screaming white guys."

Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
"The North Dakota Jigsaw Massacre" starring Phil Collins and Heath Ledger was destined to be a box office bomb.

Best of David Simon
"I knew that bathing in tomato juice would get rid of the smell of skunk spray Bruce, but I had no idea it would bring out the inner fag in both of us."

Best of sonicfrog
Ragu courts the gay market. Here is the Advocate ad for their Brokeback Marinara Sauce!

Inspired by curly
Did somebody say, 'McDahmer's?'


H/T: K is P

61 comments:

Submariner said...

OBR:

I wish I could condiment you...

Submariner said...

The "Fightin' Lobsters" were offended - COCKTAIL SAUCE just seemed so fish-sticks...

Submariner said...

The scene we all were hoping to see towards the end of the "War of the Worlds" remake.

Submariner said...

The Kerry-Edwards ticket reacts to Tah-Rayza's announcement that she was hencefoth substituting Heinz catsup for Heinz dollar contributions...

Submariner said...

My gawd! For ALL our sake, would someone PLEASE get the Shehag a tampon?

Submariner said...

Totally Tasteless Cap Alert!


Just another day at Sadam's "plastics factory" that the DNC thinks would be better for the world than George W. Bush in power in the US....

Submariner said...

To be PC, the entertainment at KOSFest included female jellow wrestlers and equally toples male Pregu wrestlers.

Big Dadd said...

"Always use a condiment!"

Anonymous said...

Sorry VtheK, but Steve Irwing's death really was shock - despite it being expected.

Not funny.

divine miss m said...

"Now is ze time on Sprockets when ve swim in ze viscous vegetable matter."

racerboy said...

Must be page 2 of the boys Splosh site.

Dusty said...

How Texas Democrats feel on election days.

prince of leaves said...

At the Heinz plant, the tomayto/tuhmahto argument eventually devolved into an incident of workplace violence.

prince of leaves said...

It was a messy job, but the outfeed pipe on the Soylent Red tank wasn't going to unclog itself.

prince of leaves said...

"Yo, Mikey? Dude, that better be a roma tomato pokin' me back there..."

prince of leaves said...

Doing the jobs that Mexicans won't do.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
jbinnout said...

Kevin Costner risks his own life to rescue friend Robin Williams from yet another serious addiction, tomato paste.

prince of leaves said...

Colorblind, semi-literate, and drunk off their asses, Jim and Bob belatedly discover they're skinny-dipping in the tobasco vat instead of the tapioca pudding tank.

Rodney Dill said...

Better turn the blender on again, they're still not all mixed in.
-- Hannibal Lecter.

V the K said...

Sorry VtheK, but Steve Irwing's death really was shock - despite it being expected.

I see it as paying tribute in my own way. Steve Irwin was an Australian, he lived life to the fullest, I think he'd appreciate it.

David Simon said...

"I can eat anything as long as it's bathed in The Grotto's red sauce - but it's the last time I'll say that out loud in Greenwich Village."

Van Helsing said...

The truth is discovered about Soylent Red tomato sauce.

Submariner said...

It.Puts.The.LOTION.On.Its.FACE.

Anonymous said...

According to Lebanese sources, a father and son, both civilians, were pulled from a bloodbath caused when Israeli jets...

Anonymous said...

Unbeknownst to Shawn, Bill had a very severe case of hemmarhoids.

Anonymous said...

The art display consists of a man being humped by a boy in a pool of red liquid, representing the blood of innocents. It is called, "In Lving Memory of Yassir Arafat"

Anonymous said...

The art display consists of a man being humped by a boy in a pool of red liquid, representing the blood of innocents. It is called, "In Loving Memory of Yassir Arafat"

Anonymous said...

Just wondering why my remarks about your making fun of Steve's death was removed? I just said it was real nice of you to make fun of a man who was not dead even 24 hours. I was not the only one that pointed out that it was in poor tast. If it was becasue I did not use a name I will now.
Molly

sonicfrog said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Cybrludite said...

This remake of "The Shining" keeps getting more surreal. What's with the gay couple in the "elevators o' blood" scene?

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Into the blood, scum queen!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

So, I get what happens to the weather if Puxatwany Phil pops his head out and sees his shadow... but what happens when he simply explodes?

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Soylent Red is PEOPLE!!!... IT'S PEEEEOOPLE!!!!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Strawberry Shortcake Sity rues the day it provoked Smurf Village.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Gesundheit."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Beaches on Mars are warm, but kinda messy.

Son Of The Godfather said...

If your going to catch droplets of rain in your mouth, try not to do it next door to the slaughterhouse.

Heck, that was almost Jack Handey-able!

Son Of The Godfather said...

This explains the pancreas I found in my ketchup the other day.

and change "your" to "you're" in previous cap, ya spelling Nazis! :)

Son Of The Godfather said...

Ever wonder what would have happened if those folks from "Fantastic Voyage" ever resized before they exited that guy's body?

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I don't want to 'do it the scanner way'... Can't we just talk?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Torn between the "Aunt Flo" and "Auntie Pesto" quips roaming his pea-brain, SOTG decides instead to go with the more simplistic "blood brothers" cap.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Rodney Dill is unsuccessful in quelling Submariner's attempt to pop a really juicy forehead zit.

Ewwww!

Son Of The Godfather said...

"That's right, Domino's... Half sausage and pepperoni, half screaming white guys."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Tom Cruise and Phil Collins star in Pirates of the Carribean III: Sea of Blood.

Son Of The Godfather said...

comment deleted
This post has been removed by the blood administer.

:)

Son Of The Godfather said...

Doctor: "So Dave, is this what you meant when you said you see a bit of blood in your urine?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Waiter, there's a gay couple in my soup."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Next time some shmo tells me his uterus is his business, I'll believe him."

Son Of The Godfather said...

We call this photo:
"What do you get when you shove an M-80 in a Chihuahua's butt?"

Jonathan said...

"The North Dakota Jigsaw Massacre" starring Phil Collins and Heath Ledger was destined to be a box office bomb.

Submariner said...

Somehow I just don't think these gay couples really understand the song "Sea of Love" by the Honeydrippers

WALSTIB said...

Molly? Meet Dawn.

David Simon said...

"I knew that bathing in tomato juice would get rid of the smell of skunk spray Bruce, but I had no idea it would bring out the inner fag in both of us."

sonicfrog said...

Ragu courts the gay crowd with the introduction of the Brokeback brand of products. Here is the print ad for their Brokeback Marinara Sauce!

What, me worry? said...

How Oceanspry CranFAIRY Juice COCKtail is made.

Only certain men will enjoy watch "mensus wrestling" on Pay-Per-View.

While Mayor of New Orleans Ray Nagin prefers a more chocolate city, these two blokes prefer a more tomato city.

MP Martin said...

The she-hag popped her cork! Climb to higher ground!

MP Martin said...

Andrew Sullivan's Sundae order:
"Strawberry sauce. Lots of strawberry sauce. And hold the nuts. Have any fags, I mean FIGS? Just put a banana in it. Oh man, I'm in deep now. Shit. No chocolate? Crap. Where's the whipped cream?"

MP Martin said...

The goggles, they do nothing! It burns! It burns!

MP Martin said...

The guy doing business out of a uterus has gone into mass production.

curly said...

A few carrots, some potatoes, a dash of seasoning and you have the makings for Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite stew.