Friday, September 01, 2006

Geezer and Rug Rodents

1. "OK, which one of you retarded little bastards was pretending to be Johnathon Leffingwell?"

2. 'Ow to speak Thai: Menage a cinq.

3. "I love all of you grandkids, except for the out-of-wedlock macaca back there."

4. "OK, who wants to play 'Find the Hershey bar in grandpa's pants?'"

5. "I think you're too young for me to tell you about sex, let me tell you about foreplay."

6. 'Ow to speak Thai: "Lap dance."

7. "I'm not a twisted old pervert, I happen to be a respected professor at the Wharton Business School."

8. "Today in Transgender Kindergarten, we're going to all about Boy George and Renee Richards."

9. "Satan demands a pure, unblemished sacrifice, so you're safe for now, macaca."

10. "I know the forest is harsh and dangerous, but if you survive your walkabout, only then will the tribe accept you as adults."
Best of WhoopsieDaisey
Yes, dears, Granpa likes pink... But I'm more into sword fights than having tacos...

Best of David Simon
"Grandpa has been coming to this mountain aerie since before you kids and I were in diapers."

Best of Submariner
"...so yes, children, we actually WERE singing about marijuana..."
PBS present "Peter Yarrow; The Real Peter Paul & Mary Story."

Larry David discusses a new concept with the "Curb Your Enthusiasm" writers.

Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

Best of jeff
"Okay, who wants Grandpa's special flying lesson first?"

(Sorry GOP & College, I thought jeff's wording was more succinct)

Best of Jay Guevara
Despite their enthusiastic efforts, NAMBLA recruiting for their fellow Democrats failed to have much impact on the 2006 election.

Best of Chrees
"Let's play Jeopardy. The answer is 9.8 meters per second squared."

Best of prince of leaves
"Well kids, we're out of food and the boat back to the mainland sunk last night. Who wants to play a nice game of 'Uruguayan Rugby Player'?"

"I guess you're wondering why I've brought you all here. It's because your all perfect tissue matches..."

Fifteen-year-old Brandon travels the country, lecturing children on the health risks of excessive masturbation.

Best of Cybrludite
John Mark Karr: The Golden Years

24 comments:

Jason said...

Repeat after me kids, 'ChimpyMchitlerHalliburton, ChimpyMchitlerHalliburton...'

WhoopsieDaisey said...

Yes, dears, Granpa likes pink... But I'm more into sword fights than having tacos...

David Simon said...

"Grandpa has been coming to this mountain aerie since before you kids and I were in diapers."

GOP & College said...

1) Old Man: I can't believe they fell for the trouser snake line!

2) John hated his grandkids, and decided that a game of "Who can fly like Superman" would get rid of them nicely.

Submariner said...

Remember children, you should never tell your parents about the games you play here with Mr. Garrison; they're OUR "little treehouse secret."

Submariner said...

OK, you saw what happened to daddy and Gramps doesn't want to throw ANY of you off the balcony so let's not hear anything more about the "Global War on Terror" being a good thing...

Submariner said...

The "Lost Boys" couldn't believe how Peter had aged. Peter couldn't believe that 2 of them waited 'til after he left to become the group's bi-yotches...

Submariner said...

"...so yes, children, we actually WERE singing about marijuana..."
PBS present "Peter Yarrow; The Real Peter Paul & Mary Story."

Submariner said...

So all the 8 inch spikes we drove into the trees ended up killing them just as well as the 'dozers would have. It seemed a waste to leave them laying around so I built this $500K home...

Submariner said...

V. the K. discusses his "Best Of" selection criteria with his vacation stand-ins.

jeff said...

"Okay, who wants Grandpa's special flying lesson first?"

(Darn you GOP&College... that's too close)

Word Verification: eeedvp - the noise made by a kid flying off the balcony.

Submariner said...

Howard Dean gives final instruction to the team tasked with writing the 2008 DNC Party Platform.

Submariner said...

Larry David discusses a new concept with the "Curb Your Enthusiasm" writers.

Jay Guevara said...

Despite their enthusiastic efforts, NAMBLA recruiting for their fellow Democrats failed to have much impact on the 2006 election.

Chrees said...

"Let's play Jeopardy. The answer is 9.8 meters per second squared."

Submariner said...

Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

Straight8 said...

Dr. Z, is that a real moustache?

prince of leaves said...

"Well kids, we're out of food and the boat back to the mainland sunk last night. Who wants to play a nice game of 'Uruguayan Rugby Player'?"

prince of leaves said...

"I guess you're wondering why I've brought you all here. It's because your all perfect tissue matches..."

prince of leaves said...

Fifteen-year-old Brandon travels the country, lecturing children on the health risks of excessive masturbation.

Cybrludite said...

John Mark Karr: The Golden Years

sonicfrog said...

... so way back when, when I was an alterboy, when I was naughty my priest used to do this...

Ver Word: KOXVS

prince of leaves said...

Fortunately, Starfleet doctors were able to remove most of the household appliances and replicator parts Picard grafted to the children after Jenny inadvertently triggered his Borg-related PTSD with her new android dollie.

Submariner said...

pájaro de la mierda - si. You are each pájaro de la mierda for when I toss you over the side I say "Fly free little bird." But when you hit the ground I say, "Shi-ite!"