1. "OK, which one of you retarded little bastards was pretending to be Johnathon Leffingwell?"
2. 'Ow to speak Thai: Menage a cinq.
3. "I love all of you grandkids, except for the out-of-wedlock macaca back there."
4. "OK, who wants to play 'Find the Hershey bar in grandpa's pants?'"
5. "I think you're too young for me to tell you about sex, let me tell you about foreplay."
6. 'Ow to speak Thai: "Lap dance."
7. "I'm not a twisted old pervert, I happen to be a respected professor at the Wharton Business School."
8. "Today in Transgender Kindergarten, we're going to all about Boy George and Renee Richards."
9. "Satan demands a pure, unblemished sacrifice, so you're safe for now, macaca."
10. "I know the forest is harsh and dangerous, but if you survive your walkabout, only then will the tribe accept you as adults."
Best of WhoopsieDaisey
Yes, dears, Granpa likes pink... But I'm more into sword fights than having tacos...
Best of David Simon
"Grandpa has been coming to this mountain aerie since before you kids and I were in diapers."
Best of Submariner
"...so yes, children, we actually WERE singing about marijuana..."
PBS present "Peter Yarrow; The Real Peter Paul & Mary Story."
Larry David discusses a new concept with the "Curb Your Enthusiasm" writers.
Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
Best of jeff
"Okay, who wants Grandpa's special flying lesson first?"
(Sorry GOP & College, I thought jeff's wording was more succinct)
Best of Jay Guevara
Despite their enthusiastic efforts, NAMBLA recruiting for their fellow Democrats failed to have much impact on the 2006 election.
Best of Chrees
"Let's play Jeopardy. The answer is 9.8 meters per second squared."
Best of prince of leaves
"Well kids, we're out of food and the boat back to the mainland sunk last night. Who wants to play a nice game of 'Uruguayan Rugby Player'?"
"I guess you're wondering why I've brought you all here. It's because your all perfect tissue matches..."
Fifteen-year-old Brandon travels the country, lecturing children on the health risks of excessive masturbation.
Best of Cybrludite
John Mark Karr: The Golden Years