1. Tammy Faye sentenced to perform community service at a children's hospital? What were they thinking?
2. "I wish Mr. Jackson would finish with the other boys' makeovers and break out the Jesus Juice already."
3. "In 20 years, I am going to make some therapist a very wealthy man."
4. The Capitol Hill reception for the Japanese Prime Minister began with an elegant Japanese Tea Ceremony, and ended with Senator Kennedy smashed on sake, stomping around Sumo style with a rolled-up pillow case stuffed in the crack of his ass beating off like a caged monkey.
5. "Congressman Frank said you looked like a painted whore. Good for you!"