1. "I learned it from you! All right?"
2. "Well, you see, when two people love each other very much... or when one of them has passed out..."
3. "Because my arms are too short to fist myself, that's why. C'mon, it's not the most depraved thing you'll have to do as a Kennedy."
4. "Hey, Patrick... occupado!"
5. "Pat, the family and the other House Democrats were going to stage an intervention to confront you about your drinking and drug addiction, but we decided to go to the nudie bar instead. Wanna come?"
6. "Sure, Pat, you're my favorite son or nephew. Now, get on your knees and suck my wad."
7. "Sorry, Pat. Your trust fund is gone. Daddy had to spend it on scotch, so he could forget about what a sorry loser his son is for a while."
8. "Well, Pat, you see, when a Senator and a campaign aide love each other very much, but she can't keep her bitch mouth shut and he can't hold his liquor..."
9. "Forget inter-species, kid, your dad has actually done it outside his Phylum!"
10. "No way. You pull mine first."
Best of The Man
Paper covers rock, hickup. You drive.
Best of Submariner
I just saw a picture of Babs braless. I'm sober now...
I just walked in on Hillary at the urinal - she IS a better man than you...
Haven't I taught you anything? Vodka won't linger on the breath after breakfast, you little dip!
Best of lawhawk
Pass another G&T. Even for me, it's too damned early in the morning to sit here and watch Babs walk by in a sheer dress.Make that a double.
Best of Van Helsing
"Relax, son. So you crashed you car. It's not like you killed somebody. And even if you had..."
Best of prince of leaves
Patrick Kennedy is caught on film, cheating on his AA recovery program by huffing the fumes from his father's breath.
"My son and I both agree: it's shameful how Bush thinks he's above the law."
Best of Jonathan
"I dunno know why our staffers quit! All I said was that I was going to let THEM pick whether you or I drove the campaign bus!"
Best of Rodney Dill
Patrick: "I'm beginning to have reqrets with the direction of my life."
Teddy: "Just let it go, it's just an Oldsmobi... I mean water under the bridge."
Best of Adjustah
Dad, do you ever feel...you know...not fresh?
Best of CJ
Babe, someone's gonna drown in those eyes of yours
Best of What, me worry?
“I guess I’ve never noticed this before, but you’ve got a birthmark on your head that reads 666!”
“I’m so drunk that even Babs Streisand’s hooters look hot.”
“With the Chappaquiddick incident in my past, some people say that it’s ironic that I named my dog Splash…I guess they would have preferred a name like Life Jacket.”
Best of Curly
"Your aunt was mentally damaged from a botched lobotomy, but what's your excuse?"
"It's a good thing we live in Massachusetts; I don't think even those flakey Californians would keep re-electing the likes of us".