Friday, August 18, 2006

Today Is S-Day

1."Damn it, Hillary, I don't know where you got that cheap-ass weave but you're shedding all over the mutha-f*****' plane."

2. Reporters on Bush's 2000 Campaign Plane hated it when Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell made them join in the snake-handling.

3. Jarnell begins to suspect that Southwest Airlines does not want his business.

4. Meal service on Air Haiti leaves something to be desired.

5. Note to self: Flight attendants hate being called "Waitress."

24 comments:

jeff said...

"I didn't think they let the mascots on the flight..."

curly said...

Stepping up their efforts to "Get Out the Black Vote", aggresive Democrat activists go seat to seat with their message.

Banned from carrying liquids on the plane, Jarnell realizes that his in-flight refreshment of live snakes will be without the usual whiskey chasers.

"I hear they have live chickens in first class."

The Man said...

Snakes on an Over-Hyped Movie!

The Man said...

Andrew Sullivan Google Search:
"Black trouser snake"

The Man said...

Snakes on Soul Plane 2

The Man said...

CAIR issued a complaint that the snakes on Snakes on a Plane were arab looking snakes.

The Man said...

The snakes were released by Jack Bauer in an attempt to divert attention from him removing a bomb from seat 32D.

tuffbeingright said...

"Well, I suppose this is better than having a 60 year old skank from Vermont piss in the aisle. When do we get to DC anyway?"

curly said...

Even though his shoes were scanned prior to boarding, TSA personnel missed the fact that Jarnell's snake skin boots were actually writhing.

Paranoid schizophrenic Jarnell soon regretted his decision to skip his antipsychotic drugs this morning.

Cybrludite said...

What's that? You want me to eat from the Tree of Knowledge? I dunno... Let me ask my wife, Eve.

(Yeah, like any of us can beat #4...)

Cybrludite said...

Reason number 73 never to cheat on your girlfriend when she's into Voodoo.

Cybrludite said...

In the unlikely event of a loss of dramatic pressure due to poor script-writing, snakes will automatically deploy from the cabin roof.

David Simon said...

David Duke and Robert Byrd are waiting for the DVD release so that they can fast forward to the good parts.

David Simon said...

"After I finish the Jose Cuervo, I have to do what?! Just bring me some MD 20/20 then."

Submariner said...

Across the aisle? Ken Lay - oil salesman.


too esoteric?

curly said...

"What time is it? Time to get the heck out of here!"

Submariner said...

Dammit! Muh curly fries is a movin' and a duckin' when I reaches for 'em!

Kay said...

Good Burger 2: Kel's Revenge.

sonicfrog said...

Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger...

Anonymous said...

In a pre-emptive response to the movie Snakes on a Plane, Ibrahim Hooper of CAIR warned that he could not prevent extremists from reacting to any ban on muslims carrying snakes onto airplanes. Also, when interviewed, Norm Mineta said no more than four muslims carrying snakes onto an airplane should be stopped.

Anonymous said...

Somewhere in America, Richard Reid, the shoe bomber, smacks his own forhead after seeing the trailer to Snakes on a Plane.

Submariner said...

Double ORA:

Kel knew he was in serious trouble when Barbara Billingsley walked up and offered her assistance "I speak 'slithertongue,' can I help?"

curly said...

United Snakes of American: The serpants formed an union to represent their interests at the airline.

Adjustah said...

Kenan did way too much acid while filming Fat Albert II...