1. "Dr. Freud, please pick up the white courtesy phone!"
2. "Andrew Sullivan sent us a get well gift."
3. "It was the thickest one I could find. Barney Frank bought the last black one."
4. "Oh, Hugo, you know just how to cheer me up. Now, pop down to the gift shop and bring me some batteries."
5. "Why does this smell like Achmadinejad?"
6. "Wonderful! Did the doctors find the gerbil, too?"
7. The Broadway Version of South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut stars Jorge Garcia as Saddam Hussein and James Brolin as Satan.
8. "... and I WAS happy to see you."
9. "The spinal column of a pro-democracy dissident? Hugo, you shouldn't have!"
10. "A candle made of your earwax. Hugo, you really shouldn't have."
Best of evariste
I can't decide which is the biggest prick in the room!
Best of floranista
Fidel and Hugo celebrate after closing the marketing deal with Ronco for their new Scrimshaw Dictator Dildo™!
Best of Cybrludite
Hugo, deseo que sabía pararle.
Best of Submariner
...so I farted a tremendous blast, and there on the bed laid my intestines! But thanks to my ingenuity and this pusher rod, I managed to cram them all back in. And THAT, Hugo, is why I'm in hospital today...
I must be getting old, Hugo. My Anal Intruder just falls out no matter how hard I clench my cheeks.
No kidding, mi amigo? On our hands and knees facing opposite directions and we both get pleasured?
Oliver Stone announced that he will remake "Weekend at Bernie's" this fall, but with a Latin twist.
Rectum? It damn near killed me!
Best of T. Harris
Now pay attention, Fidel, I'm only gonna show you how to do this one more time. Remember, to keep from gagging you have to breathe through your nose.
Hugo triumphantly screams "EXCALIBAAAAAAH!" after successfully retrieving the magic sword from Fidel's craggy anus.
Best of Van Helsing
"You'll want to have this on hand in case Jimmy Carter comes to visit."
Best of Zeke
See not just the lebanese can pose with dead bodies!
Best of Silhouette
Fidel thanks Hugo for covering his shifts at Target this week.
Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
Nice. Making fun of a couple of aging brutal brandishing a shared elephant-tusk buttplug. Read their story. Educate yourselves. Morons.
"I don't remember that thing being used at my 79th birthday gala! Boy, it's funny what a few pitchers of sangria does to the memory...and the inhibitions!"
Auditions for the h0m0er0tic film "Romancing the Bone" have apparently gotten under way.
Best of curly
As Vladimir Lenin said: "The Capitalists will sell us the dido with which we will screw them."
Best of Chrees
"Does this thing talk?"
Best of andthenblammo!
"So, after the eleventh margarita, I talk Doofus here into sticking this Roman Candle in his butt and trying to aim the flaming balls over the fence into Guantanamo! The guards nearly pissed themselves laughing, and I got the whole thing on MiniDV; check out the video on Break.com!"
"No wonder you ended up in the hospital, dummy; this thing is wired for 110 volts, and you have 220 on this damn island!"
"Hey, consider yourself lucky, dude; every other drummer from Spinal Tap ended up dead!"
Best of WALSTIB
"...It takes two hands to handle a Whopper"
Hat Tip: RIP Ford