Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Portrait of a C.H.U.B.*

1. "I wonder if the blades are cherry-flavored? Only one way to find out."

2. "I'm weak from my hunger strike. Throw some cheeseburgers and ice cream into a blender and make a smoothie out of them."

3. Sniff. SNIFF! "Jeff Key! Have you been pleasuring yourself with 'Little Al' again?"

4. "Look, Medea. If you use a little fan, you can just blow the smell of your farts into your face without having to bend over."

5. "Dude... like... have you ever really smelled your own body funk? I mean really smelled your body funk? Dude, I am so BAKED!"

6. "Mmmm, Now that's what I call a Fart!"

7. "You can have this one back, Medea. The blades keep getting caught in my short and curlies."

8. SNORE! "Oh, Hassan, yes! yes! Shoot your hot katyusha into my suburbs!" SNORE!

Best of Jason
As further proof of her anti-Americanism Cindy Sheehan unveils her 'french tickler'

Best of Submariner
Basking in the afterglow of an afternoon liaison with Rev Al.
I threw up a little in my mouth just typing that one...

The horrific results of being repeatedly dressed in a jack-o-lantern outfit at a child...

Pirate hookers resort to a plethora of diabolical methods attempting to seem less smelly. Do not be fooled! - Army boot-camp training video excerpt.

Texas heat wearies.
Secret Service prevents me.
Bush notices? No. - Moonbat Haiku

Cindy takes a little "me time" reliving over and over that time a cop actually, really touched her bare thigh when she was removed from the protest.

Best of Silhouette
"Phooo-wee, it is just too damn HOT for our flag burning today, gals."

Dog days of August haiku for CapThis! readers. (with heavy emphasis on "dog" days.)

Best of Anonymous
When the shit hits the fan

Best of andthenblammo!
*Please Note*:Using a K-59 RotoPlooger ANYWHERE NEAR THE FACE can lead to horrifying results! Please see attached picture!"

Thank you for buying the Ronco "Home Rhinoplasty Kit!" We think you'll be pleased with the result. Before starting, be sure to wear old, cheap clothing, and hold an old towel or some other cloth you care nothing for under your face, in case of minor bleeding"

"Yuk it all you want, girls, but my Ronco "Personal Wind Farm and DC Generator" saves me a fortune in D batteries for Mr. Buzzy!"

Best of David Simon
"I'll take the most action Momma Moonbat's love box is ever going to see again for $100 Alex."

Best of curly
What happens in the ditch stays in the ditch.

Best of What, me worry?
Like a vampire holding on to a garlic cluster or a Crusifix, Cindy's attempt to wrap herself in the flag proved nearly fatal. Resuscitation measures are ongoing.

Best of WALSTIB
It's thinking of what she's doing with her right hand that makes me a bit sick.

Best of Van Helsing
Overwhelmed with shame for having disgraced her son's memory, Mother Moonbat contemplates ending it all by plunging her face into the whirring blades.

Best of sonicfrog
It'll take a bigger fan to blow the stench of moonbat off of you. A much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, BIGGER fan!

Best of divine miss m
Quality testing the new Cindy Sheehan-endorsed Moonbat Body Odor Spray...

Best of Rodney Dill
SERENITY NOW!

Best of Adjustah
While resting, the She-Hag is forced to move the smell of its own farts across its gills.


*Corpse-Humping Uber-B****

35 comments:

Jason said...

So that's what they mean by 'dual use'

Jason said...

As further proof of her anti-Americanism Cindy Sheehan unveils her 'french tickler'

Submariner said...

Basking in the afterglow of an afternoon liaison with Rev Al.

I threw up a little in my mouth just typing that one...

Submariner said...

Where will you be when your laxative kicks in?

Submariner said...

Apparently Cindy misuderstood when Hugo said he wanted a blow job.

Submariner said...

The horrific results of being repeatedly dressed in a jack-o-lantern outfit at a child...

Submariner said...

Pirate hookers resort to a plethora of diabolical methods attempting to seem less smelly. Do not be fooled!

Army boot-camp training video excerpt.

Silhouette said...

A chill wind is blowing in America

Silhouette said...

"Phooo-wee, it is just too damn HOT for our flag burning today, gals."

Submariner said...

... Snore... hrmf... "C'mon, Laura; ditch the loser and experience a real man..." Snore... hrmf...

Submariner said...

... Snore... hrmf... "Forget money Dan, just guarantee me my 15 months of publicity and I'll say I typed the memos myself..." Snore... hrmf...

Submariner said...

... Snore... hrmf... "ever had a woman hung better'n you Mr. Cheney?..." Snore... hrmf...

Submariner said...

ORA:

It's too hot outside for penguins...

Submariner said...

Texas heat wearies.
Secret Service prevent me.
Bush notices? No.

Dog days of August haiku for CapThis! readers. (with heavy emphasis on "dog" days.)

Anonymous said...

When the shit hits the fan

andthenblammo! said...

*Please Note*:Using a K-59 RotoPlooger ANYWHERE NEAR THE FACE can lead to horrifying results! Please see attached picture!"

andthenblammo! said...

Thank you for buying the Ronco "Home Rhinoplasty Kit!" We think you'll be pleased with the result. Before starting, be sure to wear old, cheap clothing, and hold an old towel or some other cloth you care nothing for under your face, in case of minor bleeding"

andthenblammo! said...

"Yuk it all you want, girls, but my Ronco "Personal Wind Farm and DC Generator" saves me a fortune in D batteries for Mr. Buzzy!"

andthenblammo! said...

"I know it looks weird; Hillary has them strapped to all of the female staff. She says it's the only way Bill will leave them alone."

David Simon said...

"Ooh I like these French ticklers so much better than Jacques Chirac and Domenic De Villepin."

David Simon said...

"I'll take the most action Momma Moonbat's love box is ever going to see again for $100 Alex."

curly said...

She's had Hugo and Jessie. Now the Peace Mom takes a break while working on her inept rendition of the Korean Fan Dance, in an attempt to seduce Kim Jong Il.

Her mind ruined by too many drugs in her youth, Cindy day dreams of being immortalized on Mount Rushmore, with the wind blowing up from the planes.

What happens in the ditch stays in the ditch.

What, me worry? said...

Like a vampire holding on to a garlic cluster or a Crusifix, Cindy's attempt to wrap herself in the flag proved nearly fatal. Resuscitation measures are ongoing.

The breeze from her tiny fan provided both a respite from the scorching Crawford summer heat and reminded her of the commie speeches that she's given -- nothing but hot air.

Tired of being called "Fat Ass", Cindy hopes that being seen Ronco Personal Airerator will earn her the nick name "Tiny Fannie".

WALSTIB said...

It's thinking of what she's doing with her right hand that makes me a bit sick.

Submariner said...

Just out of frame to the right, Rosie and Ellen are arguing over who has to pleasure mommy moonbat.
Cropping courtesy of AP where you always get the highest level of photo-journalistic integrity.

What, me worry? said...

Like all of the rest of her fans, Cindy's Ronco Personal Airerator was also commie red.

Van Helsing said...

Overwhelmed with shame for having disgraced her son's memory, Mother Moonbat contemplates ending it all by plunging her face into the whirring blades.

T. Harris said...

Oblivious to her impending doom, the Queen of the Morons thinks she is cooling off with a battery-powered fan. In actuality she has been handed the latest prototype out of Langley, a weapon known as the Model W-FUXUPBAD Stealth Moonbat Assassinator. Sensors in the blade, designed to detect even the slightest traces of moonbattery, lock on to the target and arm the weapon. When the blade reaches terminal velocity it separates from the weapon, which then fires the single 10-gauge slug into the victim with devastating results.

racerboy said...

Cindy Sheehan's biggest fan...

sonicfrog said...

It'll take a bigger fan to blow the stench of moonbat off of you. A much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, BIGGER fan!

Submariner said...

Cindy takes a little "me time" reliving over and over that time a cop actually, really touched her bare thigh when she was removed from the protest.

Submariner said...

Cindy takes a minute for a quick shave in the green room before her Larry King interview.

divine miss m said...

Just quality testing the new Cindy Sheehan-endorsed Moonbat Body Odor Spray...

Rodney Dill said...

SERENITY NOW!

Adjustah said...

While resting, the She-Hag is forced to move the smell of its own farts across its gills.