Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Smell the Love

1. If you polish your girlfriend's rock-hard ass with lemon Pledge, you might be obsessive-compulsive.

2. "I've got the Bic lighter ready, let 'er rip!"

3. "And so then he says to me, 'figure skating is the most physically and mentally demanding event in the Olympics,' so I pounded him like cheap veal and jammed him into a garbage dumpster."

4. "Dammit!Why did they put the access panel in my Jennifer Anidroid way the hell down here?"

5. "Well, you can keep trying, but do you really have to wedge your head in there to be featured on Huffington Post?"

6. "I get the body shaving and Wesson Oil, but why did Senator Clinton insist on the Lemon Pledge?"

7. "Remember, for the next two hours, she is not Senator Clinton, she is 'Mistress Ilsa, She Wolf of the Far Left.' And if you break the illusion, she'll break your arm."

8. The 'Strap-On Cowboys' were heavily favored over the 'Butt-Pirates' in the upcoming hockey match.

Best of andthenblammo!
'I hate a lot of things about this job, but these damned team-building 'trust exercises' are at the top of my list!'

"Come on, Squeaky, come to the light! Come out, now! I have some nice new cedar shavings in your cage! Squeeeeeaky! Got a carrot here for you!!"

"Geez, and I always thought Butch Wax was for wood floors!"

"Look, I'm sorry, but.. Well, quit giggling, and you could hear me! I SAID IT WILL HAVE TO COME OUT! I CAN'T JUST CHANGE THE BATTERIES!"

"Yes, you're right, it was going very well. Yes, it did sound just like Led Zeppelin's version. But may I suggest that the next time you fart Stairway To Heaven on American Idol , you borrow someone else's wireless mike? I'm beginning to feel that I really don't want it back now...."

"Yes, now I can see it! A little teeenie road sign tattoo: 'No Entry'. Liz, I gotta hand it to you, you are the lesbian's lesbian."

"No, I'm sorry, I really don't hear the seashore. I am thinking of Long John Silver's for lunch, though...."

"Ha, ha, I get it, '#6: polish the back door', real funny. Look, if it's all the same to you, I think I'll just check out one of the other sororities on this campus."

Best of prince of leaves
"It's okay, Jimmy...that's just how She-Atlases say hello."

Best of Dusty
This helps explain how Hillary spent a whopping $6000 on makeup!

Best of Cybrludite
Where REAL homebrewers get their yeast!

Best of Submariner
No, hon; that mole is still the same.

Make-up girlie: "Miss Degenerate? I really don't think this is necessary for the reading..."
Ellen; "Shut up, mmmmmm, and keep, mmmm, polishing."

Best of champaignken
"Nice beaver!" "Thanks, I just got it stuffed."

Best of divine miss m
Fed up with their designation, the pirate hookers test a product that promises to eliminate "smelly."

Trackback: The Nose on Your Face

43 comments:

jeff said...

Just a little more Nair here and we'll be all done.

Modern Sculpture "Unbalanced"

andthenblammo! said...

(lady in blue bikini thinks):

'I hate a lot of things about this job, but these damned team-building 'trust exercises' are at the top of my list!'

andthenblammo! said...

"Come on, Squeaky, come to the light! Come out, now! I have some nice new cedar shavings in your cage! Squeeeeeaky! Got a carrot here for you! Dammit, Liz, next time use your own damn gerbil!"

andthenblammo! said...

"Hey, this is a real Rolex! What bar did you find this guy in again?"

andthenblammo! said...

"What did I have for lunch? White Castles and onion rings, why?"

andthenblammo! said...

"Well, I seem to have fallen for a variation of the old 'Can you help me find my lost contact lens' trick, haven't I?"

andthenblammo! said...

"Geez, and I always thought Butch Wax was for wood floors!"

andthenblammo! said...

"No, this is the wrong shade of touch-up paint. Don't move, I'll just run over to Pep Boys again..."

andthenblammo! said...

"Oh, I see the problem; you're supposed to peel the damn eggs first!"

andthenblammo! said...

"Look, I'm sorry, but.. Well, quit giggling, and you could hear me! I SAID IT WILL HAVE TO COME OUT! I CAN'T JUST CHANGE THE BATTERIES!"

andthenblammo! said...

"Honest, Ed, you really can't see them. I'm afraid if I dab any more styptic pencil on them, they might never drop back out!"

andthenblammo! said...

Jobs Americans Won't Do, Example #2343: Starfish Polisher.

andthenblammo! said...

"Yes, you're right, it was going very well. Yes, it did sound just like Led Zeppelin's version. But may I suggest that the next time you fart Stairway To Heaven on American Idol , you borrow someone else's wireless mike? I'm beginning to feel that I really don't want it back now...."

andthenblammo! said...

"Yes, now I can see it! A little teeenie road sign tattoo: 'No Entry'. Liz, I gotta hand it to you, you are the lesbian's lesbian."

andthenblammo! said...

"No, I'm sorry, I really don't hear the seashore. I am thinking of Long John Silver's for lunch, though...."

andthenblammo! said...

"Yeth, the kegel exchersithes have reawwy paid ovv! Now pleath lea go ov my tongue!"

andthenblammo! said...

"Ha, ha, I get it, '#6: polish the back door', real funny. Look, if it's all the same to you, I think I'll just check out one of the other sororities on this campus."

andthenblammo! said...

ORA:

"Well, damn, Joanna, you do have on more flair than the minimum! Stan the manager here at Chotchkies will be so pleased!"

David Simon said...

The Blond: "Wow Janeane, you know how to read lips? What do mine say?"

David Simon said...

Sorry blammo; I didn't realize that I was interrupting lol.

prince of leaves said...

"It's okay, Jimmy...that's just how She-Atlases say hello."

prince of leaves said...

The Reza Twins didn't let being conjoined keep them from a successful career in women's bodybuilding.

Dusty said...

This helps explain how Hillary spent a whopping $6000 on makeup!

Cybrludite said...

Where will you be when your laxitive kicks in?

Cybrludite said...

"Suzie, you ever get that "not so fresh" feeling?"

Cybrludite said...

Where REAL homebrewers get their yeast!

Cybrludite said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Submariner said...

Glad you're doing great, Gretchen. How'm I doing?

Submariner said...

No, hon; that mole is still the same.

Submariner said...

Are you sure that Lemon Pledge is both safe and slicker than KY? It kinda tingles...

Submariner said...

Make-up girlie: "Miss Degenerate? I really don't think this is necessary for the reading..."
Ellen; "Shut up, mmmmmm, and keep, mmmm, polishing."

Submariner said...

Look, relax, ok? Until you can take the whole thing, we can't roll tape. And until we finish Hill's commercial, we don't get paid.

champaignken said...

Smells like teen spirit.

"Nice beaver!" "Thanks, I just got it stuffed."

"How the hell did you get Rosie O'Donnel wedged up there again?"

Submariner said...

Which Clinton did you sat you're interning for?

Submariner said...

So then I said, "I'm open, Kobe..."

WhoopsieDaisey said...

Janet, when you give head, you really give head!

sonicfrog said...

Was this part of the "Sorority Pledge"?

racerboy said...

No chance of making motorboat noises here!

Cybrludite said...

Racerboy,

Well, you could if you didn't mind the echos...

Cybrludite said...

BTW, sorry for my 4th comment from around 2am. That one was too over the top.

divine miss m said...

Fed up with their designation, the pirate hookers test a product that promises to eliminate "smelly."

Robert said...

Nope, it's stuck alright.

Big Daddy said...

"I don't recall the doctor saying you have to practice the night before for a colonoscopy."