1. If you polish your girlfriend's rock-hard ass with lemon Pledge, you might be obsessive-compulsive.
2. "I've got the Bic lighter ready, let 'er rip!"
3. "And so then he says to me, 'figure skating is the most physically and mentally demanding event in the Olympics,' so I pounded him like cheap veal and jammed him into a garbage dumpster."
4. "Dammit!Why did they put the access panel in my Jennifer Anidroid way the hell down here?"
5. "Well, you can keep trying, but do you really have to wedge your head in there to be featured on Huffington Post?"
6. "I get the body shaving and Wesson Oil, but why did Senator Clinton insist on the Lemon Pledge?"
7. "Remember, for the next two hours, she is not Senator Clinton, she is 'Mistress Ilsa, She Wolf of the Far Left.' And if you break the illusion, she'll break your arm."
8. The 'Strap-On Cowboys' were heavily favored over the 'Butt-Pirates' in the upcoming hockey match.
Best of andthenblammo!
'I hate a lot of things about this job, but these damned team-building 'trust exercises' are at the top of my list!'
"Come on, Squeaky, come to the light! Come out, now! I have some nice new cedar shavings in your cage! Squeeeeeaky! Got a carrot here for you!!"
"Geez, and I always thought Butch Wax was for wood floors!"
"Look, I'm sorry, but.. Well, quit giggling, and you could hear me! I SAID IT WILL HAVE TO COME OUT! I CAN'T JUST CHANGE THE BATTERIES!"
"Yes, you're right, it was going very well. Yes, it did sound just like Led Zeppelin's version. But may I suggest that the next time you fart Stairway To Heaven on American Idol , you borrow someone else's wireless mike? I'm beginning to feel that I really don't want it back now...."
"Yes, now I can see it! A little teeenie road sign tattoo: 'No Entry'. Liz, I gotta hand it to you, you are the lesbian's lesbian."
"No, I'm sorry, I really don't hear the seashore. I am thinking of Long John Silver's for lunch, though...."
"Ha, ha, I get it, '#6: polish the back door', real funny. Look, if it's all the same to you, I think I'll just check out one of the other sororities on this campus."
Best of prince of leaves
"It's okay, Jimmy...that's just how She-Atlases say hello."
Best of Dusty
This helps explain how Hillary spent a whopping $6000 on makeup!
Best of Cybrludite
Where REAL homebrewers get their yeast!
Best of Submariner
No, hon; that mole is still the same.
Make-up girlie: "Miss Degenerate? I really don't think this is necessary for the reading..."
Ellen; "Shut up, mmmmmm, and keep, mmmm, polishing."
Best of champaignken
"Nice beaver!" "Thanks, I just got it stuffed."
Best of divine miss m
Fed up with their designation, the pirate hookers test a product that promises to eliminate "smelly."
Trackback: The Nose on Your Face