Monday, July 17, 2006

Look At Me, I'm as Helpless as a Moonbat in a Tree

1. "You get down right now, young lady. That's Senator Byrd's favorite Lynching Tree."

2. I think that I shall never see / a moonbat smarter than a tree /

3. Isolated from her drumming circle, the treed moonbat is helpless against predators. Death comes swiftly.

4. "That leprechaun will never get me Lucky Charms up here."

5. "That bastard lied! Valium doesn't grow on trees."

6. "Half a hit of acid, and she spends a week thinking she's a tree sloth. Lightweight!"

7. A lawyer from the ACLU serves Billy's tree house with a subpeona for its "No Girls Allowed" policy.

8. Her gynecologist was stumped by her repeated Dutch Elm disease infections.

9. "Wow! That was some accident. Good thing I was thrown clear."

10. "What? You're not Al Gore? You lied just to get into my pants? You bastard!"

Best of Submariner
♪Listen children to a story, that was written long ago;
'bout a queendom in a pine tree and the logger folk below.♪

Definitely a pine; see the way the sap is backing up on that branch?

Ennui - why won't you release me?

Tamika keeps telling me how much pleasure that "big woodies" give her. I just don't get it; this is the largest tree I can find, I've been at it for 45 minutes, and all I've gotten is chapped thighs from the bark...

Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
And now, a sneak preview of "Nell 2"...

"And I'm not coming down until I see that 'ManBearPig' that everyone's talking about!"

Smelly Hooker Pirate joins the Earth Liberation Front.

Best of jeff
"I can't come down... the (ah!) ants have finally reached the right spot... "

Best of Occasional Reader
Tragically--and, let's be frank, rather ironically--Ms. DeMauro was eventually torn to pieces by an enraged spotted owl.

Best of Rodney Dill
Let's see him try and piss on me up here.

Best of Dwight The Troubled Teen
In Daryl Hannah's defense, she wasn't really protesting anything. Jackson Browne just bitch-slapped her so hard that she flew seventeen feet into a Douglas Fir.


Source: Boston Globe

26 comments:

Submariner said...

♪Listen children to a story, that was written long ago;
'bout a queendom in a pine tree and the logger folk below.♪

Submariner said...

The Joooooos won't get me here in the Cedars of Lebanon...

Anonymous said...

Despite the picture, this woman is out of her tree.

The accompanying article sums it up: "'We told her, until we find out if it's ours, we're not cutting it, so I'm not sure why she's still sitting up there,' said Natalie Kourkoulakos, 29."

Submariner said...

DRUDGEBREAKING:
Ms. Mauro has been surrounded by a group of Great White Paper executives who are collectively chanting "when the wind blows, the hammock will fall."
Developing...

Submariner said...

Ms. Mauro said simply, "13 1/2 more weeks and I'll approach the saintly aroma of Mother Sheehan's vigil. Can you get me a couple of rolls of Reynold's Wrap?"

Submariner said...

Definitely a pine; see the way the sap is backing up on that branch?

Jonathan said...

And now, a sneak preview of "Nell 2"...

Jonathan said...

"And I'm not coming down until I see that 'ManBearPig' that everyone's talking about!"

Jonathan said...

Smelly Hooker Pirate joins the Earth Liberation Front.

Jonathan said...

"She's been here for nearly six years, rocking back and forth chanting 'Gore got more! Gore got more!'"

jeff said...

"I can't come down... the (ah!) ants have finally reached the right spot... "

Julie L. said...

Kate Moss goes literal.

Jay Guevara said...

I guess the moonbat nut doesn't fall far from the moonbat tree.

The Man said...

Here I sit broken hearted
Climbed this tree to crap on loggers heads
and only sharted.

divine miss m said...

Amy Carter used to love climbing trees to eat bananas with Abbie Hoffman.

(with a nod to Uncle P.J!)

Occasional Reader said...

Tragically--and, let's be frank, rather ironically--Ms. DeMauro was eventually torn to pieces by an enraged spotted owl.

Submariner said...

Ironically, she left her foot-wear at the base of the tree when she ascended - cloggers.

Rodney Dill said...

Let's see him try and piss on me up here.

Dwight The Troubled Teen said...

In Daryl Hannah's defense, she wasn't really protesting anything. Jackson Browne just bitch-slapped her so hard that she flew seventeen feet into a Douglas Fir.

Submariner said...

Ennui - why won't you release me?

Submariner said...

Failed ad campaigns #726:

Obsession - It's better'n pine tar.

Submariner said...

To celebrate, the LLL have taken to hanging ornaments in old-growth trees on April 23rd. Unfortunately, the "ornaments" usually take the form of whatever they found in the gutters on April 22nd.

Submariner said...

Tamika keeps telling me how much pleasure that "big woodies" give her. I just don't get it; this is the largest tree I can find, I've been at it for 45 minutes, and all I've gotten is chapped thighs from the bark...

Submariner said...

Looky here! Usually the dog trees the coon...



Sorry Dawn. ;-) Take a couple of Tylenol and the migraine will subside eventually.

Submariner said...

Why, looky here! Usually it's the dog that trees the coon...



Sorry Dawn. ;-) Take a couple of Tylenol and the migraine will subside eventually.

Adjustah said...

Oooh! Not quite "ripe" yet...