Sunday, July 09, 2006

I Don't Want Her You Can Have Her

1. "Honey, do you really think they'll stop the war because of your hunger strike?"

2. Hillary and Bill have sure come a long way.

3. "We'll be honeymooning in her Uncle's palace on the desert planet Tattooine."

4. They met through her personals ad: SWF, 33, hobbies include grazing in the pasture, hanging out at the truck scales, and buying shoes from Al Bundy.

5. "I just don't get why your bachelor friends gave us a 50 lb bag of flour for the honeymoon."

6. "I'm not hugging you, I was sucked in by your gravitational field."

7. Sally Struthers and Chris Elliot were married Saturday in a small private ceremony in Malibu.

8. "Those tracts of open land better be the size of freakin' Montana."

9. She was a generous soul, and forgave him for calling out the wrong name durng maritals, but she would always wonder who 'Free Willy' was.

10. "Before Bertha enlightened me, I was only mildly annoyed about cancer."

Best of David Simon
"What's my motivation for this scene, Mr. Waters?"

The tequila effect will be gone, but at least his arm will be numb when he gnaws it off.

Best of Adjustah
The last known photograph of Dennis "Breast Man" Foggo before he was found dead of a "crushed pelvis".

Congratulation on this here, the day of your weddin'. Love, Uncle Dad.

Best of Van Helsing
Fortunately Bertha's drool-shawl is surprisingly absorbent.

Best of prince of leaves
"Yeah, my Jimmy's kinda dim, but he's hung like a mule and got's teeth like a garden cultivator. Rowr!"

"I said I do!" Jimmy squeaked, "Now, can you please stop torquing my basket!?"

Best of David Simon

Best of Frank IBC
Ken Lay was initially horrified at the thought of having a sex change operation, and gaining 250 pounds, (plus massive plastic surgery) but eventually he realized it was the only truly safe disguise available.

Best of Zeke
Marti married her tumor as soon as it was removed and dressed.

Best of Tomslick
16,000 yards of polyester for wedding dress.
25,000 dollars
Auntie Fayes curtain for shawl
Stolen
Plastic bouguet similar to those recently placed in cemetary.
Stolen.
Dumbass pic of Wanda May and Cletus.
Priceless.

Best of jeff
Proof that there is indeed, somewhere out there, someone for everyone.
Unfortunately, the internet is helping them find each other.

Best of sonicfrog
♫ Loving You
Is easy 'cause you're beautiful...

La La La La La (slober)
La La La La La (slober)
La La La La La
La
La
La
Laaaaaa(slober)♫

Best of jeff
Proof that there is indeed, somewhere out there, someone for everyone.
Unfortunately, the internet is helping them find each other.

Best of champaignken
Next on Bravo's Project Runway Mississippi...Cletus hopes his prom dress wins him immunity.

Jimmy Carter congratulates the new Miss Georgia.

Gay rights activists unveil their new ad campaign for gay marriage - "Are you afraid we will damage this?"

Best of Cybrludite
Say, SOTG, do you hear someone playing "Duelling Banjos"?


Hat Tip: Franklin Delano IBCevelt

27 comments:

David Simon said...

Fodder for Andrew Sullivan.

David Simon said...

"Honey, the chick below asked if she could borrow your mud flaps."

David Simon said...

"What's my motivation for this scene, Mr. Waters?"

Adjustah said...

The last known photograph of Dennis "Breast Man" Foggo before he was found dead of a "crushed pelvis".

Adjustah said...

"I'm so glad we's cousins!"

Van Helsing said...

Fortunately Bertha's drool-shawl is surprisingly absorbent.

prince of leaves said...

"Yeah, my Jimmy's kinda dim, but he's hung like a mule and got's teeth like a garden cultivator. Rowr!"

prince of leaves said...

"I said I do!" Jimmy squeaked, "Now, can you please stop torquing my basket!?"

prince of leaves said...

Babelfish-Extracted Russian Captions:
"Simply ofigitel'naya wedding!"

"Stylishness and the luster!"

"IT IS SOURLY SOURLY SOUR!!!"

"I hope that these booms will be happy together."

"POINT IS PLEASANT With VASELINE"

"Chemical or nuclear range remained in the background, but obviously not far."

"[their] child can be following delirium of Pittom or Anzhelinoy Joly!"

David Simon said...

The tequila effect will be gone, but at least his arm will be numb when he gnaws it off.

Frank IBC said...

Ken Lay was initially horrified at the thought of having a sex change operation, and gaining 250 pounds, (plus massive plastic surgery) but eventually he realized it was the only truly safe disguise available.

Silhouette said...

Sometimes, what happens in Vegas follows you home.

Silhouette said...

(Not original) Signs you are at a redneck wedding.

10. Rehearsal dinner held at Hooters

9. Instead of "Friends of the bride or friends of the groom?" ushers ask "Ford Or Chevy?"

8. Bridesmaids: Pink Tube Tops
Groomsmen: Travis Tritt T-Shirts

7. Phrase "I Do" replaced by "I Heard That"

6. Tender rendition of "The Wedding Song" performed by Pinkard & Bowden

5. When the minister asks "Who giveth this woman to be married"… some guy in the back stands up and hollers "Earnhardt!"

4. Reception conversation includes the phrase, "So what have you been doing since Hee Haw, Mr. Lindsay?"

3. Snack trays at reception: Vienna sausages and Nacho Cheese Doritos

2. Plans for the honeymoon evening include tickets to the monster truck rally

….And The Number One Way To Tell If You’re At A Redneck

1. Sign in front of the church: No Shirt… No Shoes… No Problem!

Chip said...

Oh, dude.

http://www.sandmonkey.org/2006/07/10/disgusting-picture-of-the-day/

Uh... That might be too easy to caption.

Zeke said...

Though his friends didn't understand, Billy knew that the only reason he stayed with Bertha was her beer flavored nipples.
-----
Raymond often cried when he remembered Buffy, but being near the woman that ate his pet and first true love gave him a sense of closeness and comfort.
---
Marti married her tumor as soon as it was removed and dressed.
---

Tomslick said...

16,000 yards of polyester for wedding dress.

25,000 dollars

Auntie Fayes curtain for shawl

Stolen

Plastic bouguet similar to those recently placed in cemetary.

Stolen.

Dumbass pic of Wanda May and Cletus.

Priceless.

jeff said...

Proof that there is indeed, somewhere out there, someone for everyone.
Unfortunately, the internet is helping them find each other.

racerboy said...

It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken...

sonicfrog said...

♫ Loving You
Is easy 'cause you're beautiful...

La La La La La (slober)
La La La La La (slober)
La La La La La
La
La
La
Laaaaaa(slober)♫

sonicfrog said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
sonicfrog said...

jeff said...

Proof that there is indeed, somewhere out there, someone for everyone.
Unfortunately, the internet is helping them find each other.


... and there making more, which is an image I'd rather not imagine!!

Ver Word: culyluyc

sonicfrog said...

After my last two comments, I am more convinced than ever that I am going to Hell... and this is exactly what awaits me.

Gay or straight, I lose :-(

champaignken said...

Forced sterilization...is it really such a bad idea?

Next on Bravo's Project Runway Mississippi...Cletus hopes his prom dress wins him immunity.

Jimmy Carter congratulates the new Miss Georgia.

Gay rights activists unveil their new ad campaign for gay marriage - "Are you afraid we will damage this?"

Racerboy said...

Great, thanks... now I no longer have to imagine the proverbial 800# gorilla loose in a bridal shop...

Or is it, "shoppe?"

Adjustah said...

Congratulation on this here, the day of your weddin'. Love, Uncle Dad.

Cybrludite said...

Say, SOTG, do you hear someone playing "Duelling Banjos"?

divine miss m said...

Hey, it's all pink in the middle, right?