Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Big Boob (No, Not Ted Kennedy)

1. Other hazards of the seaside wedding: Unanticipated Whale Beachings.

2. "And I, Jennifer, do solemnly swear, to love, honor, and ohmyfrakkin'gawd..."

3. "Jen, your mom's desperate pleas for attention are gettiing a little annoying."

4. On her weekends, Rosie O'Donnell likes to flash beachfront weddings while yelling "Breeders!!"

5. Damn, I've never seen a woman so fat her gravitational field warped the horizon before.

Best of Adjustah
"I Tom, take thee boob..."

Best of Dwight The Troubled Teen
Reasons to have a church wedding: Exhibit 1

Best of champaignken
Pardon me reverend, I was just thinking of getting a large glass of milk.

Best of Shayne
"Now Jennifer, the moment you've been waiting for. The reason you went on this show. Jennifer, meet your "dream date."

Best of andthenblammo!
"Sorry, Reverend, Jennifer, I think I just turned gay....."

"Sorry. Sorry. Can we start over right before I yelled, 'NICE COWSKIN TRUNKS THERE, BOSSY!'?? It won't happen HEY, ARE YOU TOPLESS BECAUSE YOU'RE IN THE MOOOOOOOOOD? again. Sorry."

"Jennifer, I hate to break this to you, but there will be no sex on our honeymoon. Mr. Winkie has just ran up my spine and hidden behind my pancreas."

Best of Frank IBC
The sudden appearance of "Pillsbury", the man-b**bed gay midget, at the very moment the minister uttered the words "speak now or forever hold your peace", sent a shiver that was a mix of horror and remembered passion down Thom's spine.

Best of Rodney Dill
"I thought you said your mother wasn't attending."

Elmo captures a rare glimpse of land Manatee.

Best of sonicfrog
♫ Here comes a stringray
There goes a manta ray
In walked a jelly fish
There goes a dogfish
Chased by a catfish
In flew a sea robin
Watch out for that pirahna
There goes a narwhal
Here comes a bikini whale! ♫

Best of prince of leaves
"Sheesh, Jennifer -- I let you hire Michael Moore to direct the wedding videography, and you can't even get the guy to wear a friggin' suit???"

Jennifer and Tom wanted to get married in front of an ahu on Easter Island -- but when budget realities sank in, they were forced to settle for a Willendorf Venus reenactor at Long Beach.

Best of divine miss m
♪ Do your b**bs hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot?
Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Can you throw them o'er your shoulder
like a continental soldier?
Do your b**bs hang low?! ♫

Best of David Simon
Oddly enough: Tourist accidentally killed (and stuffed) at island luau wedding.

Best of lawhawk
Oh my gosh. It's the everlasting gobstopper.

Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
"Mmmm...wedding cake! Get in mah belly!"

Best of Submariner
You see, Jenn, you asked me to have a beluga at the reception...

Was it just a misfortunate accident that Shelly Winter began training for "The Poseidon Adventure" on the same beach at the same time as Dave and Alice's vows?

Best of champaignken
Do you still think Europeans are cooler because of their topless beaches?

Has anyone here seen the National Geographic photographer?

Best of sicsempertyrannus
Shave the Whales

Hat Tip and Source: M the T

35 comments:

Adjustah said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Adjustah said...

"Excuse me miss? You have some spinach caught between your, uh, chins..."

Adjustah said...

Unable to attend, Grandma told Aunt Vera to "keep her abreast" of the situation...

Adjustah said...

"I Tom, take thee boob..."

Dwight The Troubled Teen said...

Reasons to have a church wedding: Exhibit 1

champaignken said...

Pardon me reverend, I was just thinking of getting a large glass of milk.

Shayne said...

"Now Jennifer, the moment you've been waiting for. The reason you went on this show. Jennifer, meet your "dream date."

andthenblammo! said...

"Sorry, Reverend, Jennifer, I think I just turned gay....."

andthenblammo! said...

"Hey, would somebody get that guy down there on the beach to quit yelling: 'YOU'll BE SOOOOOOORRRRY!'???"

andthenblammo! said...

"Hey, Reverend, is it too late to make it 'love, honor, cherish, and not become a gross sweathog?' Because it's a deal killer otherwise."

andthenblammo! said...

"Well, Jen, we can scratch Sea World from the honeymoon. I just saw Shamu!"

andthenblammo! said...

"I....I can't believe one of my ex-girlfriends would try to ruin my wedding like this!"

"I can't believe it either, Jennifer. But all those women's golf trophies in your apartment should have given me a clue....."

Frank IBC said...

The sudden appearance of "Pillsbury", the man-b**bed gay midget, at the very moment the minister uttered the words "speak now or forever hold your peace", sent a shiver that was a mix of horror and remembered passion down Thom's spine.

Rodney Dill said...

"I thought you said your mother wasn't attending."

sonicfrog said...

♫ Here comes a stringray
There goes a manta ray
In walked a jelly fish
There goes a dogfish
Chased by a catfish
In flew a sea robin
Watch out for that pirahna
There goes a narwhal
Here comes a bikini whale! ♫

andthenblammo! said...

(thinks): "Man, People magazine was right, Britney really has let herself go!"

andthenblammo! said...

"I know your mother put him up to this, Jennifer, but if she thinks this will make me loan your brother the money for the rest of the operations, she's crazy!"

andthenblammo! said...

"Sorry. Sorry. Can we start over right before I yelled, 'NICE COWSKIN TRUNKS THERE, BOSSY!'?? It won't happen HEY, ARE YOU TOPLESS BECAUSE YOU'RE IN THE MOOOOOOOOOD? again. Sorry."

andthenblammo! said...

"Jennifer, I hate to break this to you, but there will be no sex on our honeymoon. Mr. Winkie has just ran up my spine and hidden behind my pancreas."

prince of leaves said...

"Sheesh, Jennifer -- I let you hire Michael Moore to direct the wedding videography, and you can't even get the guy to wear a friggin' suit???"

prince of leaves said...

Jennifer and Tom wanted to get married in front of an ahu on Easter Island -- but when budget realities sank in, they were forced to settle for a Willendorf Venus reenactor at Long Beach.

divine miss m said...

Do your b**bs hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot?
Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Can you throw them o'er your shoulder
like a continental soldier?
Do your b**bs hang low?!

David Simon said...

Oddly enough: Tourist accidentally killed (and stuffed) at island luau wedding.

lawhawk said...

Oh my gosh. It's the everlasting gobstopper.

Adjustah said...

The Italian Navy firing two torpedoes at an unidentified enemy coastline...

Rodney Dill said...

Elmo captures a rare glimpse of land Manatee.

SicSemperTyrannus said...

Shave the whales!!!!

Jonathan said...

"Mmmm...wedding cake! Get in mah belly!"

Crashpanic said...

Now what did I put that damn ring under?

Submariner said...

You see, Jenn, you asked me to have a beluga at the reception...

Submariner said...

Didn't you wonder why the resort was named "Scandals?"

Submariner said...

Talk about your accidental tourist!

Submariner said...

Was it just a misfortunate accident that Shelly Winter began training for "The Poseidon Adventure" on the same beach at the same time as Dave and Alice's vows?

champaignken said...

Do you still think Europeans are cooler because of their topless beaches?

Has anyone here seen the National Geographic photographer?

Rodney Dill said...
"I thought you said your mother wasn't attending."

She's not. That is my dad. I sure wish he would wear his bro (or manzier).

Rodney Dill said...

sicsempertyrannus - Shave the Whales

LOL