1. "Ring around the m*****f*****' rosies, pocket full of m*****f*****' posies..."
2. "The ACLU made us cancel our Christmas Pageant, so we're having a Wiccan Fertility Rite instead."
3. "There! Now all the grown-ups have been wished into the corn."
4. "Senator Byrd, What are you doing with that firehose?"
5. "Here comes Angelina Jolie. Now, look cute like chipmunks and maybe we'll get outta this dump."
6. "Oh, sorry girls, when we told you you'd be 'entertaining' some UN peacekeepers, we didn't mean with squaredancing."
7. "Crap, Star Jones just walked in. So much for our six-month supply of food."
8. "Apparently Scott Ritter, Woody Allen, and Gary Glitter all simultaneously came down with Jungle Fever."
9. "Mr. Doyle, we really like staying in your Homeland Security shelter, but Hurricane Katrina was nine months ago. Hasn't Bush stopped hating us yet?"
10. "Mrs. Gifford says break's over, get your asses back to work."
Source: AssPress/Matt Houston