Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Sir Mix-A-Lot, Please Pick Up the White Courtesy Phone

1. "Dude, either I've had too much beer or that chick's butt looks like Jay Leno's chin."

2. "So, Dr. Moreau infused you with camel DNA? Damn."

3. "I see Mr. Gravity is no friend of Mr Silicone Implants."

4. "So, when can they finish the liposuction, Senator Clinton?"

5. Only a few select Democrats knew of Nancy Pelosi's inoperable brain tumor.

6. "No, Mr. Sullvan, I don't have a brother."

7. Much like Pinocchio, every time the New York Times betrays national security, Maureen Dowd's butt swells a little more.

8. In the original screenplay, the alien was supposed to implant in Sigourney Weaver's butt.

9. "You're smuggling how many illegals in your butt?"

10. "I thought the sex-change would cure my scrotal inflation fetish, alas..."

Best of Rodney Dill
That thing better beep when she backs up

Golden Palace just couldn't wait to make their pitch for this advertising space.

Through an unfortunate typeo, Hillary had been ministered with the less popular Buttox treatment, instead of Botox.

Best of tuffbeingright
Senator Kennedy's only male intern finally spots a target that would fulfill his boss's odd requirement: "Must maintain positive buoyancy"

Best of Lyn
You win. I can't stick my gut out that far.

Best of Zeke
Maggie's patented "beer Butt storage locker" soon became the hottest gift item on the Nascar circuit

Best of andthenblammo!
That's not just 'junk in the trunk', that's the whole scrapyard.

And they laughed when Nike moved their volleyball division into the implant market............

Best of T. Harris
Amanda's butt-clench exercises were about to pay off big time. She would soon dazzle the crowd by stooping down, picking up a full keg of beer by the tap and heaving it into a waiting ice tub, hands free.

Best of divine miss m
I shudder to think about where it'll be after 40.

Be sure to knock off the beer early; you don't want to be caught with your face in between making motorboat noises.

"He has a wife, you know. Do you know what she's called? She's called... Incontinentia.... Incontinentia Buttocks."

Best of The Man
It's not a tumor.

Best of Tomslick
Finally, wikipedia found the perfect pic to go along with their shelf ass entry.

The swimsuit competition for Ms. YearlyKos was Jenny's until that bitch came in dressed like an Elf with a +2 Magic Bow.

Best of Submariner
"What hump?"

Best of AM42
"So, I learned the hard way that if you're going to fly to Mexico to get cheek implants, you'd better be able to speak at least some Spanish."

Just one of the possible side effects of holding in your farts.

Best of racerboy
Saying 'baby's got back' is like saying 'Keith Richards has a passing interest in recreational pharmaceuticals.'

I'd sure hate to be around when she opens up a keg of whoop-ass.


Best of prince of leaves
When they spotted the gravitational distortion his neutronium codpiece imparted on objects around him as he passed, the alien hunters knew they had at last sighted their elusive quarry.

Kuatto's sister was a force to be reckoned with on post-independence Mars.

Best of Mr. Right
With its big yellow hat on, no one seemed to notice the giant walking penis as it strolled the beach in search of the elusive vagina of unusual size.

Best of WALSTIB
Captain's Log - startdate 37.15.2, Supllemental: While responding to a distress signal from a Klingon vessel near the uncharted double planet of Heranus, our helm is no longer responding. The overwhelming gravitational pull of the giant double orbs are too much for our warp drive...We're being sucked into a giant dark crevice where apparently the sun never shines...Must. Get. Away. From. Heranus....


Hat Tip: Silhouette

45 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

"Does this Thong make my ass look fat?"

Rodney Dill said...

That thing better beep when she backs up

tuffbeingright said...

Senator Kennedy's only male intern finally spots a target that would fulfill his boss's odd requirement: "Must maintain positive buoyancy"

Lyn said...

You win. I can't stick my gut out that far.

Zeke said...

Maggie's patented "beer Butt storage locker" soon became the hottest gift item on the Nascar circuit

Zeke said...

Jennifer couldn't believe she got a pimple on her ass the day of school pictures

Zeke said...

Hmm tiny stick legs, distended belly, huge ass, and a black beach comber, This is like every black stereotype but in color.

andthenblammo! said...

That's not just 'junk in the trunk', that's the whole scrapyard.

andthenblammo! said...

And they laughed when Nike moved their volleyball division into the implant market............

Verification word: "pubuut"

T. Harris said...

Amanda's butt-clench exercises were about to pay off big time. She would soon dazzle the crowd by stooping down, picking up a full keg of beer by the tap and heaving it into a waiting ice tub, hands free.

Silhouette said...

She's a cheeky lass, that she is.

Rodney Dill said...

Golden Palace just couldn't wait to make their pitch for this advertising space.

Dusty said...

Michael Jackson goes to the beach.

divine miss m said...

I shudder to think about where it'll be after 40.

Rodney Dill said...

Through an unfortunate typeo, Hillary had been ministered with the less popular Buttox treatment, instead of Botox.

divine miss m said...

Be sure to knock off the beer early; you don't want to be caught with your face in between making motorboat noises.

divine miss m said...

ORA:

Too many tequila fanny-bangers last night?

The Man said...

It's not a tumor.

Tomslick said...

Finally, wikipedia found the perfect pic to go along with their shelf ass entry.

Tomslick said...

And Sullivan laments, Barney, I told you to wash that Mr big Cream off before you took me aft.

The Man said...

The swimsuit competition for Ms. YearlyKos was Jenny's until that bitch came in dressed like an Elf with a +2 Magic Bow.

Van Helsing said...

There really can be too much of a good thing.

Submariner said...

"What hump?"

divine miss m said...

♫ Talk about mudflaps, my girl's got 'em! ♫

AM42 said...

I found an old brass lamp as I was walking along the beach this morning. I picked it up, rubbed it and out came a Genie who granted me three wishes. Well, without really thinking about it, I wished for a million dollars in gold, and 'poof' big pile of gold appeared out of nowhere. Seeing that I'd need a way to get my gold off the beach I wished for something to load my gold onto and 'poof' a donkey apppeared out of nowhere. So anyway, I was thinking about my third wish when I realized that the donkey wasn't going to be big enough to carry all my gold and I said to the Genie "Hey, I'm gonna need a bigger ass" and 'poof'...

AM42 said...

"So, I learned the hard way that if you're going to fly to Mexico to get cheek implants, you'd better be able to speak at least some Spanish."

AM42 said...

Just one of the possible side effects of holding in your farts.

racerboy said...

Submariner was really looking forward to his blind date with that 5'11", 120 lb, 42-double-D blonde.

racerboy said...

Saying 'baby's got back' is like saying 'Keith Richards has a passing interest in recreational pharmaceuticals.'

racerboy said...

I'd sure hate to be around when she opens up a can of whoop-ass.

racerboy said...

Two of these cheeks are not like the others.

divine miss m said...

"He has a wife, you know. Do you know what she's called? She's called... Incontinentia.

"Incontinentia Buttocks."

racerboy said...

If you make that face too many times and it freezes that way, what's she been doing?

prince of leaves said...

Buns of Diamond.

prince of leaves said...

When they spotted the gravitational distortion his neutronium codpiece imparted on objects around him as he passed, the alien hunters knew they had at last sighted their elusive quarry.

prince of leaves said...

Kuatto's sister was a force to be reckoned with on post-independence Mars.

Mr. Right said...

I was just a skinny lad
Never knew no good from bad
But I knew love before I left my nursery

Left alone with big fat fanny
She was such a naughty nanny
Heap big woman, you made a bad boy out of me...

Mr. Right said...

With its big yellow hat on, no one seemed to notice the giant walking penis as it strolled the beach in search of the elusive vagina of unusual size.

Cybrludite said...

"Rodney Dill said...
"Does this Thong make my ass look fat?"


Nope. Your ass manages that all on its own.

(Hmmn, might even be a reason why I'm usually single...)

T. Harris said...

Guy in chair: 'Man, I wish that chick would turn around so I can check out her ass!'

Guy in chair after chick turns around: beer-through-the-nose choking sounds followed by a "Holy Shit!"

What, me worry? said...

Mucho culo.

What, me worry? said...

Smuggling crack in broad daylight!

Cybrludite said...

Todays captions brought to you by the letter "P"

AM42 said...

Well, at least you can be certain that she doesn't do anything half-assed.

WALSTIB said...

Captain's Log - startdate 37.15.2, Supllemental: While responding to a distress signal from a Klingon vessel near the uncharted double planet of Heranus, our helm is no longer responding. The overwhelming gravitational pull of the giant double orbs are too much for our warp drive...We're being sucked into a giant dark crevice where apparently the sun never shines...Must. Get. Away. From. Heranus....