Monday, June 19, 2006

She Ain't Heavy, Unless She's Hillary

1. "I can dress you up, but I can't take you anywhere."

2. Just another typical weekend at the Kennedy Compound.

3. "Here's your daughter back, Mr Submariner. Good as new."

4. Cleaning out the Mexican brothel after a Dick Cheney weekend. "There's another 63 in there, just like this one."

5. The Man Who Thought His Wife Was A Hat is caught without his umbrella.

6. "See, I TOLD you there was alcohol in mudslides, but would you listen? No-o-o-o-o-o-o."

7. "Sorry, kids. I just had to remind mommy about the chain of command."

8. "My name is Patrick Kennedy, I'm on my way to a vote, this dead whore is none of your beeswax, so frack off!!!."

9. The Worst Job in America as Determined by the Department of Labor: Courtney Love's Personal Assistant.

10. "Fatality! Flawless Victory!"

Best of Submariner
ORA: Outake - Following a few rounds of Zombies, Sissy mistakenly rides Buford instead of the mechanical bull...

I hate it when idiots throw out perfectly good prostitutes. Why this one ain't been dead more'n a day!

Gunga Dan muttered to himself; "Take MY anchor desk, will ya Katie? We'll see, we'll see."

Dude's name is "Calgon." Ya just knew it would happen eventually...

Best of Rodney Dill
"Dang, Smelly pirate hookers sure put up a fight when they're cornered."

Best of Son Of The Godfather

Cynthia McKinney punches the wrong cop.

"What hump?"

Santa doesn't seem as magical when he starts pushing dead hookers out of his sleigh.

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up necrophilia."

Dead Chick Mondays took awhile to catch on.

Best of Rodney Dill
In the Michael Moore documentary on Ted Kennedy, Teddy saves Mary Jo.

While you could get more distance with dwarf tossing. Dworkin tossing was a lot more satisfying.

Best of curly
"What happened? She called me a misogynist, so I slugged the bitch!"

Best of bubbalove
Her political career in tatters, Hillary has eaten a bullet and is solemnly being taken down into the pit of Hades by the wraith of Vince Foster.

Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
"What an amateur that Scott Peterson is!" guffawed Ted Kennedy as he watched the made-for-TV movie.


Source: Lileks

48 comments:

Submariner said...

Teddy Kennedy dreams of happier days...

Submariner said...

ORA:

Outake - Following a few rounds of Zombies, Sissy mistakenly rides Buford instead of the mechanical bull...

Submariner said...

Been down on the docks all day, SOTG, so I can't verify if the stench is really her or not, but I guarantee she's a pirate hooker. Pay up.

Submariner said...

ORA?

'er name's Abby something... Abby Normal, I think.

Submariner said...

I'll take "Hillary Clinton's Dreams" for $400, Alex.

Rodney Dill said...

"Dang, Smelly pirate hookers sure put up a fight when they're cornered."

Son Of The Godfather said...

The PETA "Fur is Murder" campaign steps up a notch.

Sub, if there ain't no stench, she ain't a true wench!... V, your #7 is a keeper. :)

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Howdy strangers... how much can a fella get for a gen-yoo-wine Pelosi pelt in these parts?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"What hump?"

Rodney Dill said...

In the Michael Moore documentary on Ted Kennedy, Teddy saves Mary Jo.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Samwise decides to keep the ring and chuck Frodo instead.

Hey... "Chuck Frodo"... looks like I've found my alternate screen name!

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Dammit Earl, I said a mink stole, not a minx stole!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Donner Party, Shmonner Party... Tonight, we EAT!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Answering two important questions:
1: Why they hate women.
2: Why it's called "Brokeback" Mountain.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Santa doesn't seem as magical when he starts pushing dead hookers out of his sleigh.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Still believe all wrestling is fake, Ms. Jackass?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Near closing time at Buckowski's Bar, you take what you can get... and carry.

Rodney Dill said...

I closed Wolski's

Son Of The Godfather said...

Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: John Murtha is an asshole.

Rodney Dill said...

While you could get more distance with dwarf tossing. Dworkin tossing was a lot more satisfying.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up necrophilia."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Dead Chick Mondays took awhile to catch on.

Just assuming it's a chick... You know, like Rodney Dill and Submariner do with their dates on Saturday night... OH! /Dice :)

Son Of The Godfather said...

Sure, she wasn't completely dead, but the Korean restaraunt would pay dearly with "no-questions-asked", and he really needed that PS-3.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Cynthia McKinney punches the wrong cop.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I had nothing to do with it. It was sumurai robots."

Son Of The Godfather said...

WARNING!
Do not read if easily offended by bad taste:

(Ah, go ahead anyway):

"Anyone know why this Rachel Corrie idiot ended up in my tractor gears?"


(Oh yes, I did.)

Rodney Dill said...

I was hoping that Rachel Corrie would make a better impression.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Dead-lady necklaces are SOOOO 1980's.

Rodney Dill said...
I was hoping that Rachel Corrie would make a better impression.

Nice!

Submariner said...

Bring out your dead!

Submariner said...

Son Of The Godfather said...
WARNING!
Do not read if easily offended by bad taste:


Maybe that ought to be posted at the top of every page, bro... heh heh

Submariner said...

When V. the K. picked up a date, he really picked up a date!

Thank you very much. I'll be here til Thursday. Try the lamb.

Submariner said...

It was a dark and rainy night...

Submariner said...

I hate it when idiots throw out perfectly good prostitutes. Why this one ain't been dead more'n a day!

Submariner said...

Gunga Dan muttered to himself; "Take MY anchor desk, will ya Katie? We'll see, we'll see."

Submariner said...

Joe Wilson carts back what's left of Val Plame's career; gleefully counting how much he'll net from selling her story to "The New Yorker."

bad-d-d-dude said...

Betsy Wright, having been appointed "bimbo eruptions" czar, felt like it was her job to explain to President Clinton that he needed to be a little more subtle in the way he selected next year's "crop" of White House interns.

curly said...

Don't get carried away.

Targetpractice said...

"Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white girl like that."

prince of leaves said...

Bill prefers his Soylent Green farm fresh and organic.

(Verification word: puuuucah. WTF?)

prince of leaves said...

Codependency took a heavy toll on Bob. Especially his back, whenever he had to drag Helen out of the all-girl mudwrasslin' pit down at One-Eyed Jack's.

curly said...

"What happened? She called me a misogynist, so I slugged her!"

Chelsea Vanderkeller said...

The worst job would not be Courtney Love's personal assistant- but Marge Ingersol's personal assistant. Ironically Courtney is the first choice to play Marge in the movie (about an apathetic, alcoholic hermit with a net worth of 100 million dollars)

Submariner said...

Dude's name is "Calgon." Ya just knew it would happen eventually...

curly said...

“Mind your own beeswax -- I’ve converted to Islam, so it’s OK to beat my wife!”

What, me worry? said...

PETA sure gets excited over fur coats and bullfighting, but where are they when men start wearing dead women as clothing accessories?

bubbalove said...

The Near Future:
Her political career in tatters, Hillary has eaten a bullet and is solemnly being taken down into the pit of Hades by the wraith of Vince Foster.

Jonathan said...

"What an amateur that Scott Peterson is!" guffawed Ted Kennedy as he watched the made-for-TV movie.

Submariner said...

"Cash and carry night" at the Absynthe House.