Sunday, May 21, 2006

So, I Says to Myrtle I Says

1. "Oh... yeah... you're so (yawn) big... oh yeah, put it in me big boy ..."

2. "Suicide hotline... Joan Rivers?... (Hang up! Hang up!)"

3. "Ewww! Who puts and ad for toe fungus medication in a Romance magazine."

4. "Diane Sawyer does a nude spread on pages 68-69, well, let's just have a look at OH MY FRACKIN' GAWD I'M GONNA HURL!"

5. Al Franken's phone screener has plenty of time between calls to catch up on her reading.

6. Da Vinci code, meet your target audience. Target audience, meet your Da Vinci Code.

File Under Americana. Disclaimers! Fair Use! Tractors! Turnips! Buttocks!

27 comments:

divine miss M said...

"Whaddya mean, Bob Dole wants to know what I'm wearin'?"

The Man said...

Andrew Sullivan's mother had a strange fetish: wicker and 50's porn mags.

prince of leaves said...

Marge gossipped away on the phone, completely unaware of the Balok sneaking up behind her.

Silhouette said...

Welcome back to Bad Community Theatre.

Silhouette said...

What? You've traced the phone calls and they're coming from somewhere in the house?

JAINPHX said...

My G-d Marcia on pge 83 its my john with a sheep.

Rodney Dill said...

"Hello, Electralysis Hotline? I'm having an excessive hair emergency."

Rodney Dill said...

"Well I'm really happy for ya honey, but my little blue friend is 10" long and uses to D-Cell batteries."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Submariner's prom date accepts.

(Sorry Sub, I don't know what evil spirit possessed me! ;)

Son Of The Godfather said...

This is what happens if too many of us complain about Dell support being outsourced to India.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Myrtle, I'm loving the story so far, but what on earth is a Dirty Sanchez?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I swear Myrtle, I'm living in absolute hell! I mean Floyd couldn't even stop at the Kwik-e-mart after work to pick up my Bon-Bons!"

nevergrewup said...

"Democrat National Headquarters, Howard Dean speaking."

Submariner said...

NOW Headquarters; yes we've heard 'em all...

Submariner said...

SOTG, I don't mind. At least V. didn't post a pic of the lime green, polyester double-knit, leisure suit you went to yours in... >snicker< >snicker<

Submariner said...

My Gawd, Myrtle! Didja getta look at "Andy's Anal Accessory" on page 162?!?

Submariner said...

So, Howard, would you like to do body shots on me, baby?

Submariner said...

Yeah, honey, page 6: Favorite Chicago Fantasies - Da Bears
winning again.

Submariner said...

Strident anti-Vietnam War protester and commie sympathizer is wooed and wedded by a rich southern media magnate until she "comes to Jesus" and then writes a book? Now who would believe piece of poo like that?

Submariner said...

ORA:

Yes, Professor Brundle should be "beaming in" any moment. No Bernice, I don't seem to need to borrow your swatter anymore...

attmay said...

Yeah, Madge, that Lileks guy's got all these 50-year-old magazines in his garbage. I fished out "Modern Romances" from April 1953.

jeff said...

The truth about those "phone chat" lines...

Son Of The Godfather said...

Submariner said...
SOTG, I don't mind. At least V. didn't post a pic of the lime green, polyester double-knit, leisure suit you went to yours in... >snicker< >snicker<


Sub, that's libel!... It's more of a grassy green. ;)

Rodney Dill said...

Hey, I got your love muffins right here bub.

Rodney Dill said...

...Actually I think e equals mc squared is not so much a mathematical expression, but a mental construct used to convey an abstract concept...

laurie2k said...

"It says here he kept her alive while she was in that coma by feeding her tater tots through a blow pipe. God.. I wish I had a man like that."

radio free fred said...

"My Shadow Wants A Devorce!"