Saturday, May 20, 2006

Scrappy Old Ladies

1. "Eewww, I just realized you had sex with grandpa! Gross!"

2. "Hermann Göring sure was a snappy dresser, grandma."

4. "If he was only removing the garter then why was his head under your dress?"

5. "Wow, Grandma! It looks like you saved every 'Missing Hitchhiker' clipping for the last 30 or 40 years."

6. "Hey, that's so cool! Can grandpa still fit in your wedding dress?"

7. "Aw, grandma, do we have to see the pictures of you being consecrated as Satan's bride again?"

8. "And here's one of you and Eleanor Roosevelt on the Isle of Lesbos. You really got around back in the day."

9. "You wore white? That's frackin' hilarious."

10. "Richie Sambora lost his virginity to you? Well, that explains a lot."

File Under: Americana. Fair Use and Disclaimers ahoy!

13 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

"I didn't know you saved that stain from Bill Clinton."

divine miss M said...

Wow, a backstage pass from The Who and a photo of you floating on the hood of Keith Moon's Rolls in the hotel pool...guess that explains why you didn't let me date until I was in college.

prince of leaves said...

"But Mom...the date on this letter from the front lines puts Dad in the Ardennes around the time I was conceived..."

prince of leaves said...

"Yep, it's an original AT&T stock certificate, given to me by Alexander Graham Bell himself...yeah, I put through quite a few of his calls back in the day, if you know what I mean..."

prince of leaves said...

"No, no, dearie! That's me on the left in the green chiffon, and J. Edgar Hoover on the right in the pink taffeta."

prince of leaves said...

"Oh that? It's Satan's receipt for your eternal soul, dearie. What? Your father never told you we sold you into servitude to the powers of darkness at the hour of your birth? Oh. Well. I guess it must've slipped his mind..."

prince of leaves said...

"It doesn't seem a lot now, but twenty bucks for a new chrome bumper was a lot of money back then. On the other hand, that was the last time Lizzy McNamara ever stole an apple cobbler recipe, I tell you!"

silhouette said...

Few knew that the scrapbooking craze was actually started by Karl Rove, Dubya, and the NSA in yet another plot to document the activities of ordinary Americans.

nevergrewup said...

"So if Dad is really my Uncle does that make you my Mother-Aunt?"

Submariner said...

So your boy SOTG has always provided the family album captions?

Submariner said...

Vhy don't you admit it Bernice? He's too much of man for you. I know. You're finished. Fertig! Verfallen! Verlumpt! Verblunget! Verkackt!

Submariner said...

"I love your 'farm shots' album ma. Is this a cow calving?"

"No; me giving birth to your brother..."

laurie2k said...

"Stand back, Jenny. Grandma's about to demonstrate something similar. Her sphincter's much like her Polaroid. She just points, shoots, waits a minute or two and viola! she feasts her eyes on a technicolour marvel!"