1. "Hey, it's that Berkowitz guy. Man, you could totally talk him into anything."
2. Cathy McPhee is a great singer... for me to poop on!
3. "Row Rill Rack Rauer Rever Rescape Rom Rat Rinese Rison?"
4. "Ha! The little brat's stuck in the well. Die! Timmy Die!
5. "That slut is sleeping with Erica's husband. I just know it!"
6. "Woo hoo! Looks like the Vietnamese family is going to adopt me. My worries are over!"
7. "Maybe I'll have the gang over to watch TV and play some poker."
8. "Pr0n and sex toys? Is Sullivan's beagle checked into this kennel?"
Best of jeff
It was nice of my family to make the video - but I would prefer to be pissing on Hawaiian fire hydrants with them....
As part of a doggie psych study, the Humane Society volunteer played tapes of the people who'd abandoned their dogs. Later studies would show many of these people were mysteriously killed by an animal ripping their throats out.
Best of Silhouette
"Only 5 toys? The maid hasn't been by all day to straighten the wrinkles in the bed? Only basic cable?" Al Spot realized all the human rights violation stories about Gitmo were true.
Must be an RCA.
Due to a really, really bad mixup at airport security, Rex was sent to monitor the x-ray machine, while the people were sent to sniff the baggage.
'Ow to speak Vietnamese: pantry.
Best of What, me worry?
Sparkie hoped to see Helen Thomas on CNN, the only woman so ugly that dogs could read her lips.
To get the full commie flavor out of his next meal of dog stew, Kim Jung Il forced the doomed pooch to watch MSNBC before going into the pot.
Azure collar to signify that he was one with the blue states; black and white spots to indicate that he was multi-culti; green blanket and bone to denote that he was eco-friendly; behind bars to show solidarity with all of the men put down by the establishment…Sparkie could be the Democratic frontrunner in ’08. (He's prettier than Hillary - V)
Best of Rodney Dill
Rex hadn't expected this when he checked himself into the Coprophagia treatment clinic.
"C'mon already, sniff her butt."
White Trash dogs always watch the Jerry Springer Spaniel Show.
Best of David Simon
"Doc, if you even think of coming near me with those neuticles, you're going to need them for yourself."
"My owner said my auto-fellatio embarrassed him in front of his friends. Yeah, like him and The Boyfriend didn't nauseate me."
Best of prince of leaves
Lynndie England's interrogation dog was likewise courtmartialed and sentenced to hard time.
Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Wow, this Old Yeller movie is excellent!... Can't wait to see how it ends!"
Best of Submariner
...Next up on "Fire Hydrants of the Rich and Famous," Robin Leash takes us on a tour of Lassie's estate...
Best of champaignken
At home with Helen Thomas...tonight on C-Span.
Best of Mr. Right
"Hey! Keep it down over there! I'm trying to watch 24!!! Gawd, this place hasn't been the same since that Patrick Kennedy jerk came here to dry out!"
"No! No! No! Damnit, Negreanu, you never call a bet like that with nothing more then a gut-shot straight draw --- I don't care what you think he's holding! Geez, even a flea-ridden mutt on a kibble bender wouldn't make that mistake! That's it, I'm rooting for the 'Unabomber' from here on out!"
Best of nevergrewup
"This ain't so bad. They said sit here and watch TV for a while and we will be in with something to help you sleep. Who said being mans best friend was no big deal?"
Hat Tip: Brendt