Monday, May 29, 2006

Nice Catholic Girls and Their Stripper

1. In the stripper biz, this move is known as "Rosie O'Donnell's box lunch."

2. "Wow, this chick is even heavier than Barney Frank."

3. Look at the expression on her face. Somehow, I think she'd rather be "interning" for Hillary.

4. VirtuCon quality control weeds out the fembots that are incapable of crushing a man to death in their thighs.

5. Unfortunately, not everything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. The scorching case of herpes Belinda is about to get, for example.

6. "No, you cain't uh-rest heem. Ah luv heem."

7. "Sorry Ma'am, but I forgot my shirt and my sunscreen, and I need somethin' to protect my body from harmful UV rays."

8. "Hi kids! Guess what? Mommy's getting us free cable!"

9. Belinda knew no one would ever believe she had just leapt from a burning building and happened to land on a fireman who was getting ready to change into HAZMAT gear.

10. "Giddy-Up, Hoss. Let's sidle over to Sully's KY Corral, then drop by the old Pumpkin Shirt Saloon, and then round out our evening at Miss Smelly's Pirate Brothel."

Best of nevergrewup
Gotta Go, Gotta Go, Gotta Go.

Best of laurie2k
"Now he's removing my spleen..."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Helen, can you relax your thighs a bit? We're getting a mean feedback echo every time Thor says something!"

Shouldn't he be wearing the goggles for this particular spelunking adventure?

It was no wonder Dr.David was the most popular gynecologist.


He placed himself betwix'd her thighs,
And noticed not her concerned eyes.
Attempting to rouse her with his head,
He discovered her "little friend" instead.

It's amazing that one tiny queef could bring an entire party to an abrupt halt.

Best of jbinnout
Belinda suddenly realises why the strippers business card says. "Son of Gene Simmons"

Belinda suddenly regrets having bean burros at the rehearsal dinner.

Best of David Simon
"Whoa. If this is hazing, I want to be reincarnated as a Catholic school girl." - Andrew Sullivan.(Of course, he's always wanted to be reincarnated as a Catholic schoolgirl - V)

Summer's Eve's provocative new ad campaign offended many, but nonetheless got its point across.

The bakery was closed, but quick-thinking Muffy made sure that the pledge still got a pie in the face.

Best of Anonymous
"Hey Ward, have you seen the Beaver today?"

Best of Dave
"Hey Leroy, remember a few days ago when I got that alien face-grabber stuck to my head?"

Best of prince of leaves
The infamous Helen Thomas and Jeff Gannon scene from White House Correspondents Gone Wild III.

"Why is it only now I find out I'm marrying the wrong guy?!?!?"

The Avon focus group had to be suspended when the demonstration of the new steak-and-beer scented feminine deodorant spray got a little out of hand.

Best of Submariner
I told him my name was "Cake" and that he should eat a piece and pass me around...

Although dad and granmpa also gave more traditional "horsey rides," Misty had always liked the ones from Uncle Ted best...

"The Hell Beast is above us and I can smell his evil slut!"

Best of What, me worry?
Bob’s irrepressible compulsion to sniff menstrual flow caused quite a ruckus at the family reunion.

Although the results of her pap smear were positive, Julie nonetheless felt unnerved by the singing telegram from her gynecologist.

Bob, a mentally unstable cheese-curd aficionado, went absolutely ape when hearing of Joan’s yeast infection.

Best of andthenblammo!
"Dad, this 'who's my little girl' thing is a little weird now that I'm in college. Anyway, congratulations on the new job at Chippendale's!"

Best of Cybrludite
The real reason for her expression? He's "endowed" enough to be "knocking on her back door" in this picture.

You may have seen this on badjocks.com

50 comments:

nevergrewup said...

Gotta Go, Gotta Go, Gotta Go.

laurie2k said...

"Now he's removing my spleen..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Helen, can you relax your thighs a bit? We're getting a mean feedback echo every time Thor says something!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Shouldn't he be wearing the goggles for this particular spelunking adventure?

Son Of The Godfather said...

It was no wonder Dr.David was the most popular gynecologist.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Hedonism's infamous Whore-Go-Round.

Son Of The Godfather said...

The $47 dollars in tips was hardly enough to pay for Larry's hernia operation later that week.

Son Of The Godfather said...

SOTG the poet:

He placed himself betwix'd her thighs,
And noticed not her concerned eyes.
Attempting to rouse her with his head,
He discovered her "little friend" instead.

Hey man, I never claimed to be a romantic! ;)

Son Of The Godfather said...

It's a metaphor for John Kerry's presidential run:
Stick with the flip-flops, and you'll get eaten alive.

Son Of The Godfather said...

It's amazing that one tiny queef could bring an entire party to an abrupt halt.

jbinnout said...

Belinda suddenly realises why the strippers business card says.
"Son of Gene Simmons"

David Simon said...

"Um honey, I'm don't know a whole lot about Lamazze, but I'm sure it doesn't entail stripping down to a G-string and sniffing my snatch in front of a room full of people."

David Simon said...

"Whoa. If this is hazing, I want to be reincarnated as a Catholic school girl." - Andrew Sullivan.

David Simon said...

Summer's Eve's provocative new ad campaign offended many, but nonetheless got its point across.

Anonymous said...

"Hey Ward, have you seen the Beaver today?"

David Simon said...

"Okay Achmed, this does make the compulsory cliterectomy a little more palatable."

Rodney Dill said...

This fall the new Leave it to Beaver Show.
June Cleaver: "Gee Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night."

Rodney Dill said...

"Oh God, I didn't shave...
Oh, CRAP, He didn't Shave either."

Dave said...

"Hey Leroy, remember a few days ago when I got that alien face-grabber stuck to my head?"

prince of leaves said...

The infamous Helen Thomas and Jeff Gannon scene from White House Correspondents Gone Wild III.

prince of leaves said...

Suddenly, Trent collapses to the floor with a bad case of vagina pectoralis.

prince of leaves said...

"Why is it only now I find out I'm marrying the wrong guy?!?!?"

prince of leaves said...

The bridesmaids neglected to draw in a downward-pointing arrow when they decorated Lisa's yellow tee-shirt, but Todd found his way, nonetheless.

prince of leaves said...

"It's okay Cindy -- that's just how male strippers say 'Hello'!"

prince of leaves said...

After his relationship with Roxanne ended badly, an embittered Cyrano de Bergerac gave up the soldier-poet life to become an exotic dancer.

prince of leaves said...

"Okay, I admit it, it's true!" Sharon sobbed. "I didn't want to tell you about my conjoined twin because I knew you'd all laug at me like I was some kind of freak!!!"

prince of leaves said...

The Avon focus group had to be suspended when the demonstration of the new steak-and-beer scented feminine deodorant spray got a little out of hand.

prince of leaves said...

"Someone get the bolt cutters! His braces are stuck!"

jbinnout said...

Belinda suddenly regrets having bean burros at the rehearsal dinner.

Submariner said...

Where will YOU be when your laxative kicks in?

Submariner said...

I guess it's not just for breakfast anymore...

Submariner said...

I told him my name was "Cake" and that he should eat a piece and pass me around...

Submariner said...

The WWF Main Event was all but over once Studs Terkel caught Queen la'Queefa in his famous "Labia Lip-Lock."

Submariner said...

Although dad and granmpa also gave more traditional "horsey rides," Misty had always liked the ones from Uncle Ted best...

What, me worry? said...

The proposed skit entitled “The Cunning Linguist” at the American Association for Applied Linguistics benefit proved too controversial and was cut from the final program.

The Kama Sultra’s less-known “68” position is similar to the more popular “69” position, except for the “I owe you one” part.

Taste like chicken with denim sauce.

Bob’s irrepressible compulsion to sniff menstrual flow caused quite a ruckus at the family reunion.

What, me worry? said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
What, me worry? said...

While Julie preferred more subtle forms of foreplay, Bob’s brutish advances won her over in the end.

Bob felt that both he and Julie were overdressed for what he had in mind.

Although the results of her pap smear were positive, Julie nonetheless felt unnerved by the singing telegram from her gynecologist.

Submariner said...

Tonight, only on "The Food Channel:
Best sauces for every occasion!

Submariner said...

ORA:

"The Hell Beast is above us and I can smell his evil slut!"

David Simon said...

The bakery was closed, but quick-thinking Muffy made sure that the pledge still got a pie in the face.

Submariner said...

Momma taught me to always eat my vegetables...

Submariner said...

ORA:

"...and when there was no meat, we ate fowl and when there was no fowl, we ate crawdad and when there was no crawdad to be found, we ate..."

Submariner said...

No Hercules; I am not your ordinary, run-of-the-mill transvestite!

Submariner said...

Funny, that guy doesn't look Korean from behind...

What, me worry? said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
What, me worry? said...

Bob, a mentally unstable cheese-curd aficionado, went absolutely ape when hearing of Joan’s yeast infection.

andthenblammo! said...

"Thanks for the 'birthday surprise', girls, but I really just wanted to go to Baker's Square for some apple pie and coffee!"

andthenblammo! said...

"Dad, this 'who's my little girl' thing is a little weird now that I'm in college. Anyway, congratulations on the new job at Chippendale's!"

Rodney Dill said...

"C'mon sing the Star Spangled Banner Again."

Cybrludite said...

The real reason for her expression? He's "endowed" enough to be "knocking on her back door" in this picture.