1. Yahoo Personals 'MSW of the month.'
2. At last, someone who sh*ts bigger than Jack Palance.
3. He may be insecure about his height, but he is totally comfortable with his Satanism.
4. Disqualified from PETA's 'Sexiest Vegan' competition. Apparently, human flesh counts.
5. "If human blood turns on cheerleaders, wait 'til they get a load of me!"
6. Christmas Shopping at Hot Topic features a 'non-traditional' Santa.
7. "I am sorry, Mrs. Clinton. But you already sold your soul for a large philly cheesesteak and extra large Dr. Pepper. It's too late to renegotiate."
8. Al Gore has admitted that the 'oil compny executive' interviewed in his Global Warming movie was an actor, but maintains his depiction was 'fake but accurate.'
Best of Rodney Dill
"Normally I wouldn't go huntin' with y'all, but this Cheney feller intrigues me."
"Naw, I'm not here to date yer daughter, Submariner, I'm here to date you!"
"I ate 13 of them freakin' green donuts, and now I'm constipated sumthin' fierce."
The only known surviving drummer from Spinal Tap
Best of Silhouette
Rodin's The Sneerer
"I love little baby ducks,
old pick-up trucks,
slow movin trains, and rain."
"What? I skated my ass off out there. 5.4 for technical?"
Best of Divine Miss M
Okay, let's go over this again: rape first, THEN pillage!
Best of Submariner
Elvira moaned; "Give me 12 inches and make it hurt!" Lordi poked 'er four times and made her watch MSNBC...
From the look on his face, the girth on that turd must be ginormous!
SOTG looked at his assigned celebrity partner and knew that he'd better win this round of the "$25,000 Pyramid."
Best of Son Of The Godfather
Servants would dare each other to vigorously shake the Diet Coke can of the Exhaulted Lord Xzltqoth.
Best of The Man
Former VP candidate John Edwards went cheap while focus grouping, leading to his controversial new look.
His hair still takes hours to perfect.
Fox's Speed Metal Idol never got past the pilot episode.
Best of Mr. Right
What's in your wallet?
"One more snide remark out of you, wise guy, and I'll feed you to my kneecap!"
Satan's greatest lament... "Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a decent manicurist down here?"
Due to an unfortunate typo, many unwitting parents soon discovered that they had brought their children to Macy's to have their portrait taken on Satan's lap.
Best of Cricket
I wonder if he uses Palmolive diswashing liquid?
Best of Slap Shot
Remember not to strain too hard, it could give you hemmerhoids!