Wednesday, May 24, 2006

More Lordi

1. Yahoo Personals 'MSW of the month.'

2. At last, someone who sh*ts bigger than Jack Palance.

3. He may be insecure about his height, but he is totally comfortable with his Satanism.

4. Disqualified from PETA's 'Sexiest Vegan' competition. Apparently, human flesh counts.

5. "If human blood turns on cheerleaders, wait 'til they get a load of me!"

6. Christmas Shopping at Hot Topic features a 'non-traditional' Santa.

7. "I am sorry, Mrs. Clinton. But you already sold your soul for a large philly cheesesteak and extra large Dr. Pepper. It's too late to renegotiate."

8. Al Gore has admitted that the 'oil compny executive' interviewed in his Global Warming movie was an actor, but maintains his depiction was 'fake but accurate.'

Best of Rodney Dill
"Normally I wouldn't go huntin' with y'all, but this Cheney feller intrigues me."

"Naw, I'm not here to date yer daughter, Submariner, I'm here to date you!"

"I ate 13 of them freakin' green donuts, and now I'm constipated sumthin' fierce."

The only known surviving drummer from Spinal Tap

Best of Silhouette
Rodin's The Sneerer

"I love little baby ducks,
old pick-up trucks,
slow movin trains, and rain."

"What? I skated my ass off out there. 5.4 for technical?"

Best of Divine Miss M
Okay, let's go over this again: rape first, THEN pillage!

Best of Submariner
Elvira moaned; "Give me 12 inches and make it hurt!" Lordi poked 'er four times and made her watch MSNBC...

From the look on his face, the girth on that turd must be ginormous!

SOTG looked at his assigned celebrity partner and knew that he'd better win this round of the "$25,000 Pyramid."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Servants would dare each other to vigorously shake the Diet Coke can of the Exhaulted Lord Xzltqoth.

Best of The Man
Former VP candidate John Edwards went cheap while focus grouping, leading to his controversial new look.
His hair still takes hours to perfect.

Fox's Speed Metal Idol never got past the pilot episode.


Best of Mr. Right
What's in your wallet?

"One more snide remark out of you, wise guy, and I'll feed you to my kneecap!"

Satan's greatest lament... "Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a decent manicurist down here?"

Due to an unfortunate typo, many unwitting parents soon discovered that they had brought their children to Macy's to have their portrait taken on Satan's lap.

Best of Cricket
I wonder if he uses Palmolive diswashing liquid?

Best of Slap Shot
Remember not to strain too hard, it could give you hemmerhoids!

55 comments:

jeff said...

Andrew Sullivan's dream dominator....

Barney Frank's favorite houseguest.

laurie2k said...

I don't mock goths, it's just the earnestness of their pursuit that thrills me. All the trouble to get the details down - the liner, the lipstick, the mousse, the dying of hair and wardrobe - then the ultimate insult of having to spend endless evenings not in fifteenth century castles but in twenty first century pizza huts. With Dad.

Rodney Dill said...

"Normally I wouldn't go huntin' with y'all, but this Cheney feller intrigues me."

Rodney Dill said...

"My kneecaps have killed men bigger'n you."

Rodney Dill said...

"Naw, I'm not here to date yer daughter, Submariner, I'm here to date you!"

Rodney Dill said...

"I ate 13 of them freakin' green donuts, and now I'm constipated sumthin' fierce."

Silhouette said...

Rodin's The Sneerer

Silhouette said...

Damn, Monty, I wish I had chosen what Jay had on his table.

divine miss M said...

Even Gene Simmons wants to know where he got those threads.

divine miss M said...

Okay, let's go over this again: rape first, THEN pillage!

Rodney Dill said...

The only known surviving drummer from Spinal Tap

Rodney Dill said...

"So Gork as a Rock Star, what instrument do you play?"
"Accordian, wanna make something of it?"

Submariner said...

Barney Frank said...
"Whoa! Giggidy, giggidy..."

Submariner said...

Elvira snickered; "You KNOW what they say about the size of a man's feet, don't you?"

Silhouette said...

"I love little baby ducks,
old pick-up trucks,
slow movin trains, and rain."

Submariner said...

Elvira moaned; "Give me 12 inches and make it hurt!"

Lordi poked 'er four times and made her watch MSNBC...

Silhouette said...

"What? I skated my ass off out there. 5.4 for technical?"

Submariner said...

Markos Moulitsas Zuniga ponders a wording for his next BusHitlerHaliburtonCheney is Satan diatribe...

Rodney Dill said...

So Allah promises 72 virgins to a martyr? What the hell do they do in the afternoon?

Submariner said...

Dawn wonders what else she can do to "get through" to that crass, backward group at Cap This in order to make them more genteel and sensitive to the feelings of ladies of color...

Son Of The Godfather said...

Holy shnikes! I checked in thinking it was "Hot Chick Thursday", looked at the photo, and thought we'd have to get together for an intervention for V the K.

Son Of The Godfather said...

I think I prefer Rob Zombie's earlier stuff.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Maxim Magazine's Top 5 Ways To Attract Hot Chicks:

#5 - 6-inch shoe lifts.
#4 - A nice smile.
#3 - Well manicured cuticles.
#2 - Shoulder rams.
#1 - Knee skulls.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Servants would dare each other to vigorously shake the Diet Coke can of the Exhaulted Lord Xzltqoth.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Bo Bice was still pissed about Carrie Underwood's going on to receive a Country Music award.

Rodney Dill said...

"I like kittens. I had three with my eggs and toast this morning."

divine miss M said...

What every guy looks like to a girl's father when he arrives to pick up his prom date.

prince of leaves said...

"I'd just like the Eurovision judges to know that I hope they make the right choice..."

Submariner said...

divine miss M said...
What every guy looks like to a girl's father when he arrives to pick up his prom date.


Actually, this is what I looked like to my daughter's prom date when he arrived to pick her up. That and cleaning the old 12 gauge, and giggling to myself, and telling him to "get down, they might see him and open fire..."

prince of leaves said...

"I'm Mr. Gork, and I'll be your teacher this year. I trust you kindergarteners won't give me any discipline problems...?"

prince of leaves said...

"Class, we have a very special visitor today for Sunday School..."

prince of leaves said...

ORA: "Oops, sorry man, wrong curtain...Say, you haven't seen Laura Palmer or a dancing midget around here by chance...?"

The Man said...

Former VP candidate John Edwards went cheap while focus grouping, leading to his controversial new look.
His hair still takes hours to perfect.

The Man said...

Fox's Speed Metal Idol never got past the pilot episode.

The Man said...

What happens to kids who play too much Dungeons and Dragons growing up.

Son Of The Godfather said...

As Hillary was sworn into office, the skies opened wide and the earth shook. Demons roamed the world freely. The prophecies of armageddon had been fulfilled.

Submariner said...

SOTG looked at his assigned celebrity partner and knew that he'd better win this round of the "$25,000 Pyramid."

Submariner said...

Call me Ishmael...

Submariner said...

Think I'm scary now? I'm an AT&T customer service rep in my day job...

Robert said...

Gene Simmons' dad expresses his disappointment that his son only turned out to be a famous rock star on this week's "Behind the Music."

jeff said...

"Strong!?! Of course I'm strong - you know what this stuff weighs?" "Oh - strong smellin'? Sorry."

Submariner said...

From the look on his face, the girth on that turd must be ginormous!

Submariner said...

Wouldn't ya just LOVE to be a fly on the wall when Chelsea introduced this to Bill and Hillary as her new "fiance?" I'm just sayin'

attmay said...

I shouldn't have had that last hot dog. NATHAN'S MUST DIE!!!!!

Mr. Right said...

Helen Thomas never bothered with make-up on her days off.

Mr. Right said...

What's in your wallet?

Mr. Right said...

Welcome to your eternal reward, Mohammed Atta! Just one question? How would you prefer your own internal organs: Original Recipe or Extra Crispy?

Mr. Right said...

"One more snide remark out of you, wise guy, and I'll feed you to my kneecap!"

Mr. Right said...

"The hard part about this new biker gang outfit is working the kickstand with these damned boots!"

Mr. Right said...

Satan's greatest lament...

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a decent manicurist down here?"

Mr. Right said...

Due to an unfortunate typo, many unwitting parents soon discovered that they had brought their children to Macy's to have their portrait taken on Satan's lap.

Slap Shot said...

Prefers a bidet.

Cricket said...

The Neocon Klingon.

Makes Lt. Worf look like a pansy.

I wonder if he uses Palmolive diswashing liquid?

WhoopsieDaisey said...

Why does he let his mother-in-law lean against his left thigh?

Slap Shot said...

Remember not to strain too hard, it could give you hemmerhoids!