1. "Ia! Ia! Shib-Niggurath! Goat of the Woods with a thousand young!"
2. Upon hearing the incantation, Katie Couric reverts to her natural form.
3. Andrew Sullivan, after being tricked into believing 'soaking in an acid bath will give you an unbelievable orgazm.'"
4. "No one warned me the Botox would wear off!"
5. "Good evening, Mr. Submariner. I'm here to take your daughter to the prom."
6. Iran's ambassador prepares to take his seat on the UN Human Rights Commission.
7. "Come over here and give grandma a hug."
8. The 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' team had barely begun the makeover when Gorack slayed them and feasted upon their remains.
Best of Rodney Dill
"Aw Mom!, did you borrow my Inferno Red nail polish again?"
Gork didn't talk much, but he did make the occasional udderance.
Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
ORA: "Hey...you wanna see something REALLY scary?"
On "Making the Band: Gwar", Erazmus doesn't take getting voted off very well.
Best of The Man
The New Kids on the Block reunion plans hit a snag when Joey walked into the room.
DNC Tip #23 - Do not feed Howard Dean after midnight.
Illegal immigrants from Zolthor need to be sent home.
Best of AM42
"Oh crap... a zit... right in the middle of my forehead. And they're taking our yearbook pictures today!"
Best of Submariner
"...because I'm good enough, smart enough, and - doggone it - people like me!"
I'll take Michael J Fox's daydreams for $1000, Alex.
Just tell Grandma you forgot dinner with her because you were in a psycotropic haze at the annual combined coven orgy, rave, and 'battle of the heavy metal bands.' She'll understand...
Best of Silhouette
"No one can see me but you, Sirhan Sirhan. I dare you to shoot."
Proactiv Solution is a revolutionary, dermatologist-developed Combination Therapy® system that helps the skin heal the blemishes you have now - and helps stop new ones from forming - in three quick, easy steps.
'Ow to speak Awstraylian:Miffed
Best of prince of leaves
"I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL FOR DESSERT, PATHETIC MORTAL! PREPARE TO-- HUH? " (sobbing): "Ohhhh fiddlesticks! I broke a nail!"
All right -- which one of you kids put the head back on the Kurgan?
Reason #121543 to Ban Human Cloning: The castoffs from Rosie O'Donnell's stemline.
Best of Cybrludite
I'm so Goth that I $#!+ bats!
Best of racerboy
NO... MORE... WIRE... HANGERS!!!!!
Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Good news and bad news, Kyle... The bad news is the radiation-enhanced Propecia has had a detrimental effect to your DNA... The good news is you've got some pretty kickin' facial hair!"
"Hey Ralph... you ever feel, you know, not so fresh?"
"NO CAN STAND THAT CHRIS DOUGHTRY KICKED OFF AMERICAN IDOL! ALL HUMAN MUST DIE!"
Just tell Grandma you couldn't make it because you were busy battling the Emperor Qxalgagithlon for the fate of the universe. She'll understand.
I never used to see that face when we were dating, but now that we're married, bang!... Every month like clockwork.
Best of sonicfrog
Next on Fox, Evil Nanny 911.
Best of bad-d-d-dude
AlGore, egged on by Democratic strategist Bob Shrum, once again tries to re-invent himself--this time as ALGORE: Undead Gothic Warlord of the Warm Earth.