1. Montel's paternity test confirmed that Jabba the Hutt was, in fact, his baby's daddy.
2. "Seems reasonably tender, I'll give you $3.49 a pound."
3. "I want my baby back baby back baby back ... ribs!"
4. "Sushi? No thank you. Hideki and I have gone Brokeback."
5. Speaking of Brokeback Mountin', that's a pretty fair summation of their sex lives.
6. "I bring good news. Americans can eat burritos no longer. Michael Moore's crippling advantage in International Fart Competitions is at an end."
7. After seeing this, the Supreme Court may decide to revisit the Communications Decency Act.
8. "Yeah, I kind of let myself go after George Takei dumped me."
Best of Rodney Dill
"Uh this isn't working very well, lets just go back to fighting by hitting each other with clubs instead."
The annual Babyput competition. Edgar on the right holds the record distance of 75 feet.
Best of Van Helsing
"I'll wait until she calms down. If I eat them while they're crying, it makes me belch afterwards."
Best of Silhouette
The Tokyo playhouse presents: Mohammad Chooses A Bride
Best of jeff
"Ah good! Her digestive sounds are good and strong...oh, excuse me, those are yours!"
Best of Submariner
Prease to terr baby to ret go ear!
Best of what, me worry?
"Why is she crying? I think she just realized that her father is a big fat slob who walks around in public in nothing but a thong". (Ted Kennedy? – V)
Kumar the Sumo wrestler knew he was getting big when his gravitational pull caused the toddler and the wrestling official to stick to him like moons orbiting a planet.
At the reception following their gay wedding in San Francisco’s Chinatown, the two flamboyant fat men inspect the presents that Michael Jackson gave them.
Best of David Simon
"They sure didn't rike potty training, Suki." "That's because they had to use the potty after you and Hideo each took fifteen minute dumps, Matsui."
Best of e-ho
George Clooney checks into eating disorder clinic after he accidentally devours one of Brangelina's kids.
Best of Chip
Me not horny.
Best of Robert
Well what do you know, here's another baby stuck in my fat rolls.
Hat Tip: Brenda and Yahoo News.