1. Look in the sky! It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Super-Commie! Strange visitor from another world. (Berkeley) Faster than the speeding bullets that ventilate his dissidents. More powerful than a locomotive... most of which are running late (a.k.a. on socialist time) Able to captivated large liberals (Michael Moore, Rosie O'Donnell, Ted Kennedy) with a single Marxist slogan...
2. "Young Turdhoppers, as soon as you can grasp the pebble, your Marxist indoctrination will be complete."
3. "Then, I will crush the capitalist counter-revolutionaries like Sawyer crushed that tree-frog on that one episode of Lost. You know what I'm talking about."
4. Then, one of the large stage fans wafted his armpit funk over the crowd, incapacitating the first three rows.
5. "Hidey Hidey Hidey Hi!" "Hidey Hidey Hidey Hi!" "Hodey Hodey Hodey Ho!"
6. Unfortunately, as Hugo was leading the crowd through Tai Chi, the Chinese delegate to the World Communist Conference arrived and, mistaking him for a Falun Gong, shot him through the back of his head and harvested his organs for sale to the party leadership.... much to the delight of the international community.
Best of Submariner .
Wonder Twin power: Activate! Form of a maniac dictato, er... benevolent, legally-elected presidente!
Though a self-professed "super-sentient," Hugo was only capable of a 3 cm energy ball to hurl at the attacking Goku.
Though restless, the natives always loved Uncle Hugo's spirited pantomimes of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat."
When lack of "mind power" resulted in the spoon not bending, Hugo used his hands and instructed the audience they "saw nothing."
Best of prince of leaves .
"And when we defeat the capitalist pig-dogs of America, everyone will have a Segway---ooooAAHHH! Juan! How do you stop this crazy thing!?!?!"
Best of Divine miss M .
Best of What, me worry? .
Thanks to state-run programming, the best Venezuelan television had to offer was Hugo’s prime time show of “Guess Which Hand”, followed in the next timeslot by Hugo’s “Hand Shadows”.
Despite the compelling APPLAUSE OR DEATH audience prompters, sporadic booing accompanied the Venezuelan President-For-Life’s cynical magic trick of “Your Disappearing Civil Liberties”.
Best of Son Of The Godfather .
Yup, those finger-trap party favors can be a bitch... especially in front of an audience.
Best of Rodney Dill .
You must be this tall to get on the Maniacal Despot ride.
Best of Cybrludite .
And if you all clap, Tinkerbell here will live. If not, she and your families will be sent to the firing squad!
Best of Jason .
"Both fists? No kidding?" "Yeah, I totally had both in Ms. Sheehan. Looked like this!"
Most people don't know that Hugo Chavez used to be a Scout Trooper on Endor.
Best of AM42 .
Despite years of therapy- every day at 5:30 Hugo uncontrollably breaks into the Snoopy Suppertime! dance.
ORA- Much to his surprise and dismay, Hugo discovered that the suit only worked on Ralph Hinkley.
Best of Silhouette .
I must, I must, I must increase my bust.
Best of WhoopsieDaisey .
Hugo Chavez prepares to dive into Cindy Sheehan as her personal "Human Kotex."
Best of Occasional Reader .
Faced with mounting problems associated with the country's decrepit petroleum infrastructure, the few remaining PDVSA engineers were less than impressed by the President's exhortations to "just keep stirring up that oil, the way I stir things up on the dance floor."
Best of David Simon .
"When I said I wanted wall hangings in my office Andrew, I didn't mean those poofy macrame things; I meant my political opponents, shackled like this."
Sombrero Tip: AM42