Thursday, May 18, 2006

Dick Not Fully Erect

1. ... Snore... hrmf... "Cokie, it's too damn big. Get the Wesson Oil"... Snore... hrmf...

2. "Heavenly Father, Let us lay out those shrieking bastards across the desert where their burned bodies can be picked over by ravens and jackals. Amen." Everybody loved it when Rumsfeld gave the opening prayer.

3. Whenever Mary Cheney saw dad slumped over asleep in front of the ball-game, she knew the coast was clear to take Susie into the Rec Room and make out.

4. Rumsfeld had been waiting years for this. "Get a bowl of warm water and put his hand in it. This is gonna be great!"

5. While Cheney sleeps off his noon "Lunch with Patrick Kennedy," Rumsfeld secretly fantasizes about bricking him up in a wall with a cask of Amontillado.

6. "Cheney's out. Should we strip him naked and tie him to the National Christmas Tree again?"

7. ... Snore... hrmf... "Yar! Avast and prepare to be 'boarded' me lovelies, yar"... Snore... hrmf...

8. "Let me guess, the Spice Channel ran another Honey Wilder marathon last night."

9. Bush looked down past the end of the table and saw exactly what he was looking for in a Border Security Czar.

10. No one was alarmed until Cheney began drooling and his drool began burning large holes in the floor.

Hat Tip: Don Moore
Credit: Getty Editiorial Images. Duh.

34 comments:

The Man said...

...a sleeping Cheney's poll numbers were 10 points higher than Bush's awake number.

What, me worry? said...

Rumsfield scans the floor for smelly salts.

Oil prices hovering above $70 a barrel; illegals running amuck; federal spending out of control…My work is done. Naptime!

Cheney dreams of his long lost innocence as a boy with goggles in a sheep herd.

What, me worry? said...

It takes every ounce of Dick Cheney’s concentration to keep “Cyclops” under control whenever Condi enters the room.

Rodney Dill said...

Undisclosed Hunker Location

Rodney Dill said...

It's good to be the dick

What, me worry? said...

“The next smart-ass who posts an unflattering caption about me napping becomes my next hunting buddy”, warned the peeved VeeP.

Following the irreverent Dick Not Fully Erect post, the full force of the NSA’s Echelon data-mining program descends upon the CAPTION THIS! blog.

While playing pocket pool, Rumsfield accidentally activates the latest weapon in the War On Terror: a device which shuts off any pacemaker within fifty feet.

Silhouette said...

The ghost of Abraham Lincoln can sometimes be seen in different rooms of the White House, often in the form of a floating ball of white dots.

Silhouette said...

"Suckers. Simon didn't say 'stand up.' "

Silhouette said...

All the empty chairs around the VP could mean only one thing. There were still illegal burritos to be had.

prince of leaves said...

The New York Times today exposed another secret Bush Administration domestic spying program, this one involving seances and automatic writing. Several Administration officials were alleged to be directly involved, including Rumsfeld and Cheney.

prince of leaves said...

The cabinet sharing a moment of prayer before starting the day's business.

Submariner said...

A telling moment in the cabinet meeting occurred when the "colors" were paraded. Plebes rise, royalty remains seated...

Submariner said...

Rummy bowed in deep thought; "Sleeping on watch is a capital offense during wartime. Should I or shouldn't I?"

Submariner said...

Might be too obscure:

Though Joseph Stiglitz' commentary put Dick out quickly, Rummy seethed and quietly contemplated ways he could send a combined Seals, Airborne, MSF, Rangers, and Green Beret task force against him.

Anonymous said...

V. - A request: don't use the red background again. PLEASE.

Submariner said...

W. loved to start off cabinet meetings with; "A moment of silence and a bit of wine for the brothers that are no longer with us..."

Submariner said...

... Snore... hrmf... "I wasn't there. It WAS a cougar..." Snore... hrmf...

Submariner said...

... Snore... hrmf... "Set fire to the witch's ditch and shoot when they flush out..." Snore... hrmf...

Submariner said...

... Snore... hrmf... "C'mon, Laura; ditch the loser and experience a real man..." Snore... hrmf...

Silhouette said...

OBR

Rummy bowed his head in disappointment. The two empty chairs meant that those new interns, Heath and Jake, had disappeared together again, and he was going to have to fire them.

Son Of The Godfather said...

As soon as Cheney nodded off, the miniature black rider knew it was safe to give Rumsfeld a good smack.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Estelle Getty from The Golden Girls always gets the most candid shots.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Unresponsive Dick?... Let me introduce you to my friend, Bob. Why is Bob smiling?...

Son Of The Godfather said...

Even Cheney had had enough of Helen Thomas. In a spontaneous and desperate attempt to be free of her, he quietly flicked his pacemaker to the "off" position.

Son Of The Godfather said...

The hypnosis was a success. It wasn't so much the "remebering nothing" part that bothered him... It was the unusual compulsion to squawk like a chicken whenever Hillary appeared on the television.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Rumsfeld thought to himself, "You know, with a permanent purple marker, I could do a Gorbachev-special on that forehead right about now!"

divine miss M said...

Dick studied the manual and concentrated with all his might, but was never able to bend the spoon.

Frank IBC said...

The Rohypnol in Cheney's Old Fashioned had done its job - he was out like a light. Meanwhile, Rummy anxiously waited for the Viagra to kick in.

Dan said...

Rumsfeld: He does that EVERY time I ask who's covering lunch.

Anonymous said...

"ohhh...Dick Cheney...Mmmmm...Ohhh!

Anonymous said...

Noboby falls for the old "Pop Goes My Weazel" pop up book trick.

Anonymous said...

Dick dreams of the bawdy hotel check-in clerk that he ran into while campaigning in his home state of Wyoming. She was definitely in a RED STATE.

Jonathan said...

"Hey, Rummy! Look at Cheney...'Fat guy in a little coat!'"

radio free fred said...

"We're Screwed Now, The Ouija Board Is Busted."