Saturday, May 06, 2006

'Cana

1. "... and the agent says, 'What do you call the act?' 'The Arisotocrats!'"

2. "So, I opened up on that bitch with a Tec-9 and greased his muthafarkin' ass!"

3. "Ain't it the shizzle, girls? It's a mixture of Ambien, quaaludes, and paint thinner washed down with scotch. I call it a 'Kennedy Cocktail.'"

4. "Great, with you, that makes 4 doms and 5 submissives. As soon as Butch Bertha gets here, we can start the orgy."

5. "Well, Sadie, thanks to those two nice Mexican men and their Black Lab, you have the lowest purity test score."

6. "Frankly, I don't know how to answer that question. Human sexuality is too complex for mere labels."

Americana comes mostly from here.

13 comments:

prince of leaves said...

"...and she had no idea there was a camera in the dungeon, filming the whole time!" Marlene, arriving late as usual, was about to discover how cruel and vicious the local League of Women Voters' internal politics could be.

prince of leaves said...

"What all this means is that our grandkids will soon be forking over half their income to subsidize us sitting around the pool in Palm Springs, getting schnockered on pina coladas and chasing after the Mexican poolboy as fast as our dropped arches and artificial hips will allow. Are you willing to give that up in the name of Social Security 'reform'? I thought not."

prince of leaves said...

"Forget Asian sweatshops, girls -- we can create our own apparel empire with all the untapped cheap labor here at Sunny Acres! With a modest investment on your part, you too can have a share of the profits from the booming 'craft sweatshirt' market!"

prince of leaves said...

"...and if affordability is an issue, we can put your severed heads in cryonic suspension, preserving just your brain for later reanimation as the control unit of an anthropomorphic cyborg of incredible strenght." Sharon always wondered why she seemed to lose potential clients at that point.

David Simon said...

"People really think this Ricky Martin guy is straight? Bwahaaha!"

David Simon said...

"I'm Seattle Sutton, and here's my healthy eating plan."

"Let's see...waffles and fresh fruit; yogurt and skinless chicken breast; salad and angel hair pasta marinara... nice amuse bouche lady; now, what's for breakfast, lunch and dinner?"

Silhouette said...

June 12, 2056. Women reminisce at the registration desk for the 3rd annual V the K Hot Babe Thursday Reunion.

Silhouette said...

Sure, they cruelly laughed when she walked into the room, but this time, things would be different than high school. She'd removed the fire extinguisher. She'd put the Exit sign over a door to the exitless breakroom. Soon, they'd pay. They'd all pay.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Red Sweater Lady:
"You think you're old? I just soiled my Oops, I Crapped My Pants™ AND in this position I can rest my t*ts on the table!"

T. Harris said...

High hilarity at precinct 5800, Democratic HQ: "Look at that shit, Velma. This military asshole actually thinks we're gonna count his absentee ballot. Oh, I think I'm gonna pee my pants!"

Submariner said...

Lady in Red; "What's a boxer sound like?"
Old Pollsters; "Dunno, what?"
L.I.R.; "Hee-haw!"

The Man said...

No Gloria, the sperm bank is not a great place to meet guys.

Submariner said...

...so Velma walks up to the City Editor and says "I read the paper is providing a free Whore O'scope. I'm here for mine..." Hello Velma, when did you walk in?