1. "Single, sincere white female, 43, wishes to meet single, sincere, limber Eskimo who's into who's into tattoos, bananas,gargling Windex, Barry Manilow inflatable dolls, cactus, sleeping with large tomatoes, and snake wrestling in Jell-o pudding.. No freaks."
2. Vin Diesel and Courtney Love fill out their unemployment forms.
3. "Hey! Check this! Each of the voices in my head is entitled to its own vote. Goddess! I love being a Seattle Democrat."
4. "And then Andrew Sullivan... um... and then the smelly pirate hooker and the kid with the pumpkin shirt... um... damn, I hope I come up with a caption idea by the time Fuschia gets off the computer.
5. "Damn it! When will I learn that white stockings and urinary incontinence don't mix."
6. "Question 5. Someone you don't recognize attempts to access CTU using a stolen key card. Do you a.) Call for back up, or b.) Let 'em in and figure Jack will deal with it somehow." CTU Redshirt Job Application.
7. The job market in Detroit is now so bad you have to fill out an application to be a crackwhore.
8. "It's not you, Moonbeam. It's just that filling out a marriage license with someone of the opposite sex just feels weird."
9. "And if my demands are not met the screams of those who have wronged me will fill the skies..."
10. "Moonbeam, how do I answer question 12: 'Do you advocate the overthrow of the US by force or violence?' I think the answer is 'violence.'"
Best of andthenblammo!
"A skank quota? It's not hard enough graduating with a degree in Neo-Hawaiian Postmodernest Literature, but I have to run up against a skank quota?"
"We at the Zippy Home Hair Care Set company would like to thank you for filling out our feedback form! Please circle all answers that apply about your feelings about our fine product!"
How did you like our product?
#1: Very satisfied.
#2: Somewhat satified.
#3: Somewhat dissatified.
#4: Very dissatified.
#5: Filled with rage.... (More in comments...)
Best of prince of leaves
A scene from the forthcoming Butterfly Effect II: in this alternative reality, her unreconstructed hippie parents name would-be particle physics prodigy Elizabeth "Selene", instead, setting her on the path of a life of welfare applications, dodgy associates, and tragic fashion choices.
Best of Critical Matt
Don't mind the iodine on my leg, doctor's orders.
Best of Rufus Leaking
It was a great day when Clown College merged with Barber's College!
Best of Submariner
ORA: psst - what does a flashing yellow light mean?"
"What --- Does --- A --- Flashing --- Yellow --- Light --- Mean?"
I'm making the answer sheet look like Chrismas Trees. What design are you using, Sunflower?
"Dear diary, I can't believe it but Orlando Bloom was next to me in the unemployment office today..."
A rare "behind the scenes" look at Ruth Bader Ginzburg's crack opinion-writing team at work.
Best of Lyn
Home school for the Osbournes.
Best of radio free fred
"Dear President Clinton I Would Love To Work At Your Library."
This pic from Toni L. Bailey/The Olympian(tipped by The Diva)