Saturday, April 08, 2006

Weekend Americana for 04.08.2006

1. "Unfortunately, the peaceful town was located in a valley below a highly unstable dam. Bwah-ha-ha-ha."

2. "Cruel, yes. But cheaper than spaying."

3. Bored with married life, Mrs. Narcissus builds a koi pond.

4. "Guess you weren't a witch after all. Sorry, Sis."

5. "A piranha pond bordered with catnip. Zoey, you're a genius."

Best of prince of leaves
Susan Smith learns a marketable skill while in prison.

This water smells funny. And what's this? An ankle?

Best of Critical Matt
The Liliputians never had a chance once Chloe was let loose.

Best of White Knight
Hmmmm...cold beer and magic "shrooms" all from the same pond!

Best of nevergrewup
"Look my turd still floats, and not a kernal of corn missing, even after going over the waterfall."

Best of Fish-Lips
The wife every man craves but is afraid to admit to - a purveyor of botanical-zoological products... everything from mildly deranging mushrooms to wildly hallucinogenic live toads sold in breeding pairs.

Best of Jason
Sure, it looks clean there. But they don't show you the people pooping just upstream.

Rock garden my ass. These things haven't grown no matter how much I've watered them.

Best of Cybrludite
Hmmn, the bubbles haven't stopped. I guess I'll have to hold Kos' head under a bit longer...

Best of Submariner
Teddy sent Mary Jo to check the depth of water at the Chappaquiddick Bridge the day before the "accident."

Best of Anonymous
Lileks finally gets his water feature working.

Best of radio free fred
Branch Water And Bourbon , Ted Kennedy Must Be Stopping By?


The Usual Source of Americana.

19 comments:

prince of leaves said...

Susan Smith learns a marketable skill while in prison.

jeffysspot said...

quite funny

prince of leaves said...

Ann created this backyard water feature to show her appreciation to the people in surrounding states who so generously signed over their water rights.

prince of leaves said...

This water smells funny. And what's this? An ankle?

Critical Matt said...

The Liliputians never had a chance once Chloe was let loose.

White Knight said...

Hmmmm...cold beer and magic "shrooms" all from the same pond!

White Knight

Dusty said...

"Hey Beaver, what's your mother doing?"

nevergrewup said...

"Look my turd still floats, and not a kernal of corn missing, even after going over the waterfall."

Fish-Lips said...

The wife every man craves but is afraid to admit to - a purveyor of botanical-zoological products... everything from mildly deranging mushrooms to wildly hallucinogenic live toads sold in breeding pairs.

Submariner said...

Zoey just couldn't understand; she had put in the pump-driven stream in perfect accordance with the instructions, but still hadn't found any gold after panning for over 2 years...

David Simon said...

"What's an Appalachian girl have to do to get her monthly douche these days?"

Jason said...

Sure, it looks clean there. But they don't show you the people pooping just upstream.

Jason said...

Rock garden my ass. These things haven't grown no matter how much I've watered them.

Submariner said...

ORA:

♪I'm gonna wash that man right out of my life...♪

Cybrludite said...

Hmmn, the bubbles haven't stopped. I guess I'll have to hold Kos' head under a bit longer...

Submariner said...

LKT:

Teddy sent Mary Jo to check the depth of water at the Chappaquiddick Bridge the day before the "accident."

Anonymous said...

Lileks finally gets his water feature working.

radio free fred said...

Branch Water And Bourbon , Ted Kennedy Must Be Stopping By?

Submariner said...

V. - Take a look at http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/multimedia/photo_gallery/0604/gallery.leadingoff/content.7.html for a real David and Goliath pic. Good for a sports weekender.