1. "Expand my consciousness in a zillion directions at once? Cool, Dr. Leary, how do I get started?"
2. "So, are you a chick or a dude? The split on Tradesports is 50-50 right now."
3. The psychic lamp waited patiently. It's time would come.
4. Former Circuit Party Rave Queen Kendra O'Donald lectures a recovery group on the dangers of mixing Propel, vodka, ecstasy and anti-freeze. She's 24 years old.
5. Attendees at the town hall forum were shocked when Nancy Pelosi's botox suddenly expired and she returned to her natural form.
6. Amanda could scarcely contain her arousal. Sure, Helen Thomas was dreamy, but her older sister was too hot for words.
7. "Sorry, dear, I had some Taco Bell on the way over."
Best of Fish-Lips
"Sorry, Ms. Van Susteren. I was wrong. You do have something between your ears... a slack jawed expression of idiocy."
Best of Submariner
Really Auntie Pat, you can't possibly expect me to believe you put your arms around Teddy Kennedy and had them touch!
Cindy was disturbed when granny started playing canasta with imaginary cards. But when she shouted "Sh!t - Lost again!" and began to strip. the revulsion got her past it...
Cindy, why don't you just sit back and let me tell you the story of my youth as a smelly pirate hooker...
Best of Carla
I'm sorry, but Mr. Clinton requires his interns' breasts to be at least this big.
Best of prince of leaves
"I don't know, Nana -- if it was a kidney you needed, well, okay, but a share of my lifeforce...?"
"Well, Paula, if you think your run-in with Bill Clinton was bad, let me tell you about the time I was ass-groped by Woodrow Wilson!"
Best of David Simon
Valerie Solanas converses with Andy Warhol in happier times.
"Andrew Sullivan did show up to our poker game, but he ran out screaming about pine panelling."
"Come now, granny. The wool plaid shirt, the butch haircut. Do you really think those Lee press-ons are fooling anyone?"
Best of Rodney Dill
"Yes Etta, I knew you were a man."
Best of attmay
Linda was appalled that her grandma would still be telling racist jokes in this day and age.
The family was absolutely agape as Grandma described her plans for getting breast implants.
The same place most of the Americana comes from.