Tuesday, April 11, 2006

A Vivid Riot of Red

1. Once again, Vatican Community College's "Sketching Naked Altar Boys" class is full to capacity and waitlisted.

2. "... til the one day when the bishop met this cardinal/and they knew that it was much more than a hunch..."

3. "Click on the hat doesn't match! Win dinner at Olive Garden!" the Vatican resorts to annoying pop-up ads in a desperate bid to increase membership.

4. For sketching a picture of two African-American women surrounded by Old Navy bags, Cardinal Dougherty would be expelled from the college of cardinals.

5. "I swear by the Virgin Mother, if one more of these dumb white crackers comes up to me and says, 'Hey, Cardinal Mobuto, are the legends true,' I am gonna bust a cap in his honkey ass."

6. ORA --- "So, sit bolt upright in that straightback chair and get ready for some difficult listening..."

7. Alitalia overbooks coach again.

8. You can't see them, but Cardinal Mulroney has accessorized his outfit with a smashing pair of red f***-me pumps and a matching handbag.

9. "Hey, did I tell you guys about the time I walked into a bar with a rabbi..."

10. "Ia! Ia! Shub-Niggurath the Black Goat of the woods with thousand young!!"

Best of jeff
Because he forgot his red robe and wore a poofy hat, Cardinal Strewzlek was forced to sit in the back corner.

Nobody dared ask why they all had towels in their laps.

Best of Submariner
The "Vatican Dining Chair Brigade" really wowed the crowds at the 2006 Mummer's Parade. They also scored massive points from the judges with their perfect, synchronized sitting formations.

Cardinal Seth Goldbergstein (D - Israel), finding it impossible to give up all ties to his childhood religious practises, continues to wear his yarmulke to events, bringing much derision from the other old birds...

Great! That's just great; you finally wear it with the hammer and sickle in the front and then sit with your backs to the crowd?

Best of The Man
The guy on the bottom left then dropped his robe exposing the "GoldenPalace.com" scrawled across his chest.

Best of Silhouette
So, when the new Pope comes in, we'll all turn our chairs around and face the back of the class... (tee hee hee)

When Richard Gere's Monsignor became an unexpected cult movie classic, legions of fans would come to midnight showings dressed as their favorite character.

"And there's no reason to throw out your garbage when you order take-out. You can turn your chinese food boxes into hats and the pizza box into nice chairbacks. It's a holy thing." Martha Stewart redecorates the Vatican.

Best of Rodney Dill
I'd like Cardinal Richelieu on the diagonal to block.

Best of Divine Miss M
So then I told two friends, and THEY told two friends, and so on, and so on...

Best of Submariner
I call this meeting of the Red Hat Society to order. First order of business: We need to set some kind of call-ahead plan, ladies. We don't all want to show up in the same dress again, hmmm? ('Cept you, Rosie. I see you back there in that sweet little black number...)

Were you listening to me, Neo? Or were you looking at the cross-dressers in their red dresses?

Best of radio free fred
Vatican Builds Giant Holy Coaster

Best of Occasional Reader

"I will not touch altar boys
I will not touch altar boys
I will not touch altar boys"

[school bell rings]
[they all jump on their skateboards]



Target of My Mockery: Telegraph-dot-co-dot-UK

27 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

Brokeback Vatican

sonicfrog said...

2006 graduation ceremonies from Hell's College of Tortured Souls. Note the backward crucifixes. Since so many of the recent graduates had been, in life, fallen priests who found interesting ways to get around the celibacy thing, is it any wonder Satan's favorite new nickname for the institution is "Oral" Roberts University!

jeff said...

Once again, Cardinal O'Shaugnesy was embarassed by not getting the dress code memo - for white guys, gray or graying hair and the "paper boat" hat.

Because he forgot his red robe and wore a poofy hat, Cardinal Strewzlek was forced to sit in the back corner.

Nobody dared ask why they all had towels in their laps.

Submariner said...

The "Vatican Dining Chair Brigade" really wowed the crowds at the 2006 Mummer's Parade. They also scored massive points from the judges with their perfect, synchronized sitting formations.

Submariner said...

Cardinal Seth Goldbergstein (D - Israel), finding it impossible to give up all ties to his childhood religious practises, continues to wear his yarmulke to events, bringing much derision from the other old birds...

Submariner said...

Great! That's just great; you finally wear it with the hammer and sickle in the front and then sit with your backs to the crowd?

Rodney Dill said...


One of these things is not like the others, one of these things doesn't belong....

Submariner said...

V. - Highly captionable, once you get past throwing up a little... Quite a few more from the index link.

The Man said...

The guy on the bottom left then dropped his robe exposing the "GoldenPalace.com" scrawled across his chest.

Submariner said...

V. don't know if I have a problem with filters or some other problem, when I tried my own link in the above post I got Blogger.com's home page. Try http://boortz.com/more/funny/redneck_pics.html for the pic.

Silhouette said...

(snicker snicker) So, when the new Pope comes in, we'll all turn our chairs around and face the back of the class... (tee hee hee)

Silhouette said...

Stanford's new graduation gowns were just fab!

Silhouette said...

ORA - Just get on the train and give the package to the man in the red hat, Mrs. King.

Silhouette said...

The new cult movie classic caused legions of fans to come to midnight showings dressed as their favorite character. However, most seemed to favor the same character.

Silhouette said...

"And there's no reason to throw out your garbage when you order take-out. You can turn your chinese food boxes into hats and the pizza box into nice chairbacks. It's a holy thing." Martha Stewart redecorates the Vatican.

Anonymous said...

Toto, I don't think we're in St. Louis anymore.

[Curious Onlurker]

Robert said...

Oh crap! I didn't know we were supposed to be wearing red today!

Rodney Dill said...

I'd like Cardinal Richelieu on the diagonal to block.

Fish-Lips said...

Would the real St. Louis Cardinals please stand up?

divine miss M said...

So then I told two friends, and THEY told two friends, and so on, and so on...

Submariner said...

Despite Bob Gibson's organized prayer help and "special dispensations," Detroit still wins it all in '68.

Occasional Reader said...

Once again, the cardinals are not on speaking terms, after having all worn the same outfit to the same event.

Fish-Lips said...

Why doesn't someone tell them their necklaces are on backward?

Submariner said...

I call this meeting of the Red Hat Society to order. First order of business: We need to set some kind of call-ahead plan, ladies. We don't all want to show up in the same dress again, hmmm? ('Cept you, Rosie. I see you back there in that sweet little black number...)

Submariner said...

Were you listening to me, Neo? Or were you looking at the cross-dressers in their red dresses?

radio free fred said...

Vatican Builds Giant Holy Coaster

Occasional Reader said...

"I will not touch altar boys
I will not touch altar boys
I will not touch altar boys"

[school bell rings]
[they all jump on their skateboards]