1. Once again, Vatican Community College's "Sketching Naked Altar Boys" class is full to capacity and waitlisted.
2. "... til the one day when the bishop met this cardinal/and they knew that it was much more than a hunch..."
3. "Click on the hat doesn't match! Win dinner at Olive Garden!" the Vatican resorts to annoying pop-up ads in a desperate bid to increase membership.
4. For sketching a picture of two African-American women surrounded by Old Navy bags, Cardinal Dougherty would be expelled from the college of cardinals.
5. "I swear by the Virgin Mother, if one more of these dumb white crackers comes up to me and says, 'Hey, Cardinal Mobuto, are the legends true,' I am gonna bust a cap in his honkey ass."
6. ORA --- "So, sit bolt upright in that straightback chair and get ready for some difficult listening..."
7. Alitalia overbooks coach again.
8. You can't see them, but Cardinal Mulroney has accessorized his outfit with a smashing pair of red f***-me pumps and a matching handbag.
9. "Hey, did I tell you guys about the time I walked into a bar with a rabbi..."
10. "Ia! Ia! Shub-Niggurath the Black Goat of the woods with thousand young!!"
Best of jeff
Because he forgot his red robe and wore a poofy hat, Cardinal Strewzlek was forced to sit in the back corner.
Nobody dared ask why they all had towels in their laps.
Best of Submariner
The "Vatican Dining Chair Brigade" really wowed the crowds at the 2006 Mummer's Parade. They also scored massive points from the judges with their perfect, synchronized sitting formations.
Cardinal Seth Goldbergstein (D - Israel), finding it impossible to give up all ties to his childhood religious practises, continues to wear his yarmulke to events, bringing much derision from the other old birds...
Great! That's just great; you finally wear it with the hammer and sickle in the front and then sit with your backs to the crowd?
Best of The Man
The guy on the bottom left then dropped his robe exposing the "GoldenPalace.com" scrawled across his chest.
Best of Silhouette
So, when the new Pope comes in, we'll all turn our chairs around and face the back of the class... (tee hee hee)
When Richard Gere's Monsignor became an unexpected cult movie classic, legions of fans would come to midnight showings dressed as their favorite character.
"And there's no reason to throw out your garbage when you order take-out. You can turn your chinese food boxes into hats and the pizza box into nice chairbacks. It's a holy thing." Martha Stewart redecorates the Vatican.
Best of Rodney Dill
I'd like Cardinal Richelieu on the diagonal to block.
Best of Divine Miss M
So then I told two friends, and THEY told two friends, and so on, and so on...
Best of Submariner
I call this meeting of the Red Hat Society to order. First order of business: We need to set some kind of call-ahead plan, ladies. We don't all want to show up in the same dress again, hmmm? ('Cept you, Rosie. I see you back there in that sweet little black number...)
Were you listening to me, Neo? Or were you looking at the cross-dressers in their red dresses?
Best of radio free fred
Vatican Builds Giant Holy Coaster
Best of Occasional Reader
"I will not touch altar boys
I will not touch altar boys
I will not touch altar boys"
[school bell rings]
[they all jump on their skateboards]
Target of My Mockery: Telegraph-dot-co-dot-UK