Monday, April 03, 2006

Take Me to Prom

1. "Why do flowers get to wither and die, but not I?"

2. Incontinence? You're soaking in it.

3. "So, basically, Madame Tussaud's just stuck Tor Johnson's head on Herve Villechaize's body and slapped a burgundy wig on it?"

4. Hey! Looks like HBO is bringing back the Crypt-Keeper.

5. Emperor Palpatine does drag.

6. Somehow, even if Helen Thomas were a zombie, I just can't see her muttering 'Brains... Brains...'

7. "Clenching my butt cheeks helps reduce seepage."

8. "These flowers remind me of the time Leo diCaprio sketched me naked."

9. The world's least popular garden gnome.

10. Paging Dr. Kevorkian.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Hello, boils and ghouls."

Imhotep.....Imhotep.....Imhotep....

The Danes get in trouble again for showing an image of the Prophet through Age Progression technology.

Best of Rodney Dill
Now from Home Depot, the worlds first scarecrow with a lifetime guarantee.

Best of Submariner
Shortly after her "Air Jagger," Helen launched into a mean riff on an "Air Frampton."

Best of AM42
Is it Thursday already?

Best of David Simon
Helen Thomas helps Torie Clarke promote her book Lipstick on a Pig.

Best of T. Harris
Not even a room full of flowers could mask the sour, foul stench emanating from Helen's crust-covered vagina.

"He-he, that's no shit boys. When I was a young lady it looked like a fresh peach cut in two. Now it looks like a cow patty with a wagon wheel track through it."

Oh my God, it's true! Uncle Fester has switched teams.

Best of Van Helsing
"Welcome to the afterlife, Ahmed. I'm the first of your virgins. Unfortunately the other 71 aren't as lovely."

Best of Anonymous
Freddy Krueger after his sex change.

Best of Robert
Tim Burton's original pick for "Corpse Bride" was deemed too disturbing.

Best of andthenblammo!
Maybe some day, Al Pacino will look this bad. ... After he's dead.... Dead for 350 years.

Best of Henry Jennings
"I'll get that Batman if it's the last thing I do!"

Best of Cybrludite
"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Helen Thomas R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn."

Best of Submariner inspired by cybr
Even Cthulu shuddered at the hideous visage before him...

Best of Anonymous
"And whatever you do, don't say beetlejuice three times in a row."

Best of sonicfrog
"We Are The Crab People...."

Best of Mr. Right
Coming soon to a theater near you: Billy Crystal... Danny DeVito... Helen Thomas... Throw the Moonbat from the Train

Best of jbinnout
"I don't understand what McKinney is complaining about. I beg those burly security men to search me."

I think I got this from Sondrak.

45 comments:

David Simon said...

Oh please someone cover up this picture with the hairy butt cheek guy.

Rodney Dill said...

Imhotep.....Imhotep.....Imhotep....

Rodney Dill said...

Now from Home Depot, the worlds first scarecrow with a lifetime guarantee.

David Simon said...

"And over here we have a bed of roses which reminds us that life isn't rosy for the Palestinians who suffer under Israeli occupation."

David Simon said...

Looks like someone forgot to remove a thorn.

Submariner said...

So anyways, I grab Jesse like this and do what comes naturally.

Submariner said...

Shortly after her "Air Jagger," Helen launched into a mean riff on an "Air Frampton."

Submariner said...

That Rush Limbaugh - what a kidder! Telling everyone I'm dead so they'd send roses...

Submariner said...

Oh, Danny? Danny Rather. Come see what Auntie Helen has for you!

Submariner said...

"Ow to speak Awstraylian:
Prune

Rodney Dill said...

"Hello, boils and ghouls."

Rodney Dill said...

The Danes get in trouble again for showing an image of the Prophet through Age Progression technology.

WALSTIB said...

"Reports of me being dead? That was an April's Fools joke...again."

nevergrewup said...

"Yes, in this case we insist that embalming take place even if it is just the rehearsal for your funeral."

AM42 said...

Is it Thursday already?

David Simon said...

Helen Thomas helps Torie Clarke promote her book Lipstick on a Pig.

T. Harris said...

Not even a room full of flowers could mask the sour, foul stench emanating from Helen's crust-covered vagina.

T. Harris said...

"He-he, that's no shit boys. When I was a young lady it looked like a fresh peach cut in two. Now it looks like a cow patty with a wagon wheel track through it."

T. Harris said...

Oh my God, it's true! Uncle Fester has switched teams.

Van Helsing said...

"Welcome to the afterlife, Ahmed. I'm the first of your virgins. Unfortunately the other 71 aren't as lovely."

Anonymous said...

Freddy Krueger after his sex change.

Submariner said...

AM42 said...
Is it Thursday already?


Nice, AM42 - I threw up a little in my mouth...

Robert said...

Tim Burton's original pick for "Corpse Bride" was deemed too disturbing.

Submariner said...

Oh Georgie; wanna see something really scary?

Submariner said...

ORA:

Oh my God, it's a necrophiliac's wet dream!

andthenblammo! said...

Maybe some day, Al Pacino will look this bad.

After he's dead.

Dead for 350 years.

andthenblammo! said...

This picture accompanied question #52 on the state mortician's exam:

"Please circle all the answers below that explain what is wrong with this embalming and viewing:"

#1: Forgot the casket.
#2: Propped up deceased in upright and unnatural position.
#3: Forgot that next-of-kin not only requested "closed casket", but "weld that sucker shut for the good of humanity"
#4: Applied makeup in the dark using recently sprained wrist and Graco 500 "DoublePumper" airless sprayer.
#5: Failed to make deceased not just appear "lifelike", but look like anything that ever lived on God's green earth.
#6: Substituted a dead wolverine for deceased's wig.
#7: Forgot that when making the deceased appear "they might just sit up and say something", that something is not supposed to be "YARRRRRRGH!"
#8: All of the above, plus other crimes too numerous to mention.

Henry Jennings said...

"I'll get that Batman if it's the last thing I do!"

Fish-Lips said...

Fifteen pills and she completes her transformation into an Ox-Eye daisy? Ten bucks says she stays an ox.

prince of leaves said...

The "after" image from Helen's appearance on Queer Eye for the "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" Gal.

And here's the "before".

Cybrludite said...

"I'll swallow your soul! I'll swallow your soul!"

Cybrludite said...

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Helen Thomas R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn."

Submariner said...

inspired by cybr

Even Cthulu shuddered at the hideous visage before him...

Anonymous said...

ORA?
"And whatever you do, don't say beetlejuice three times in a row."

radio free fred said...

Helen Thomas Has A Stinger Missile For A Tongue. ( Don't Forget To Duck George )

sonicfrog said...

"We Are The Crab People...."

Submariner said...

Dorian Grey updated from the painting to this sculpture.

Mr. Right said...

"I don't understand this at all, every morning more fresh flowers arrive with the same note: 'We'll miss you Helen - Cheney 2008'."

Mr. Right said...

Within minutes, every flower in the room mysteriously withered and died...

Mr. Right said...

Coming soon to a theater near you: Billy Crystal... Danny DeVito... Helen Thomas... Throw the Moonbat from the Train

jbinnout said...

"I don't understand what McKinney is complaining about. I beg those burly security men to search me."

Dusty said...

Sharon Stone at the premier of "Basic Instinct XVII".

Dusty said...

Normally the cadaver is not brought in when you pick out the coffin.

Cricket said...

Helen Thomas pulls the mother of all April Fool's jokes by showing up at her funeral. Jayson Blair wrote the obit.

bad-d-d-dude said...

Sharon Stone appears at a media event for the newest installment on her erotic-thriller trilogy: "Basic Instinct III: Hip Replacement" In a throwback to one of the steamier scenes from the original "Basic Instinct", Stone appears at the police station for questioning after having failed, either purposely or as a result of her oncoming senility, to wear her "Depends."