1. "Uh oh, Bill Clinton's headed for the intern pen again, and he's got 'that look' in his eye."2. "Twinkies? I wanted Zingers, you stupid bitch!" Michael Moore prepares to beat down another personal assistant for her insolence.
3. "Where's my money, ho!" Jermaine had made the successful transition from pimp to middle management, but old habits died hard, and he maintained the office coffee jar with a firm hand.
4. Bill's killing spree would later be traced to getting "I Wanna Love You Tender" stuck in his head.
5. "No, Bill, really. I think your nipple piercing is cool. Um, could you button back up now?"
In honor of my last day at work before moving on to a new employer, this little piece was 'borrowed' from a required corporate on-line course in sexual harassment - V
Best of The Man
Jack Bauer Appreciation Day is not until May 9th, but V the K likes to keep his coworkers on edge by accusing them of being moles and going into a Flank 2 position next to the copier machine.
Best of Rodney Dill
As if Al Franken wasn't scary enough by himself, the office personnel would really panic when confronted by Franken-weinie.
Best of andthenblammo!
"Uh, Arlene. Yeah. It's just that we're putting new coversheets on all the TPS reports *before* they go out now. So if you could just remember to do that from now on, that'd be great. All right!"
"Ahh, Arlene, I'm going to have to go ahead and ask you to come in on Sunday, too..."
Best of T. Harris
"Hold it right there, Bill. I believe there's been a little misunderstanding. I was just jokin' around when I said that I really enjoyed a good puppet show."
Best of Walstib
"V, I told you before, I don't want to be a 'Thursday Hot Chick'"
Best of Shayne
Damn, Bill. Isn't supposed to be bigger?
Best of Submariner
Look babe, wear Cowboys colors in this Raiders office? 'Best plan on unecessary roughness is all I'm saying...
Sasha found it disconcerting that the ex-pres was always humming "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" in the Harlem office...
Best of Prince of Leaves
"These are not the chi-chis you're looking for! These are not the chi-chis you're looking for!"
Desperate to avoid yet another of his unwanted advances, Sheila attempts a Jedi Mind Trick on Bob's 'lesser brain'.
Best of Attmay
Lakesha was dumbstruck as she saw her longtime co-worker begin his transformation into The Hulk.
Best of Anonymous
Shaniqua says, "Excuse me, did you just say you were a student at Duke?
37 comments:
No - no! It's too large! And it's angry!
V the K - Good luck with the new job. Hope the move is a good thing!
Why are all the crazy office workers portrayed by angry white guys...
Jack Bauer Appreciation Day is not until May 9th, but V the K likes to keep his coworkers on edge by accusing them of being moles and going into a Flank 2 position next to the copier machine.
Riffing on V's #5:
"No, Bill, really. I think your inflated scrotum is cool. Um, could you zip back up now?"
As if Al Franken wasn't scary enough by himself, the office personnel would really panic when confronted by Franken-weinie
"No, Mr. Timberlake, you may NOT tear open my shirt!"
"Uh, Arlene. Yeah. It's just that we're putting new coversheets on all the TPS reports *before* they go out now. So if you could just remember to do that from now on, that'd be great. All right!"
"Ahh, Arlene, I'm going to have to go ahead and ask you to come in on Sunday, too..."
"Yes, I am the new manager, Mr. V the K; although you are all encouraged to just call me 'The K'. M'Kay?"
Arlene thinks to herself: "Yes, it's true; your body is 'tight, tight like a tiger'; but the kitten's head ruins the whole effect......"
"Hold it right there, Bill. I believe there's been a little misunderstanding. I was just jokin' around when I said that I really enjoyed a good puppet show."
"V, I told you before, I don't want to be a 'Thursday Hot Chick'"
"Bill, I just don't want to tell 5 people and have them tell 5 people...."
"Mr Bobbit, didn't our HMO cover plastic surgery too?"
"It looked so good outside this morning I decided to leave it out all day."
"I'm sorry Mr Martinson, but when they said your masseur was named Lynn, how was I supposed to know it was a guy??"
"Of course I carred your wife Horry, that's her name."
Carlotta, pondering over whether the new boss would notice she farts when she gets nervous, looks up just in time to see him round the corner...
What the? I thought papa-san told you to come dressed as a Geisha today, Janet...
"My fly is open, Mr Taylor? I'm not falling for that one."
Personnel Scenario #24: What to do in an imminent "talk to the hand" situation.
"Bob, before you even ask, no I'm NOT interested in 'checking out "Jungle Fever"' on your new plasma HDTV."
Damn, Bill. Isn't supposed to be bigger?
"Say hello to my little friend!"
Rupert's "Wanna play 'reverse Mandingo' back at my place instead of working?" line didn't appear to be working with the new girl...
Look babe, wear Cowboys colors in this Raiders office? 'Best plan on unecessary roughness is all I'm saying...
"Hey Arlene! Does this look like a Q to you?"
Arlene suddenly realizes what the job position of Staff Knob Polisher really entales.
Sasha found it disconcerting that the ex-pres was always humming "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" in the Harlem office...
"On your cycle?" That's fine by me, Tamika. That would make us "Hustle and Flow" now, wouldn't it?
"These are not the chi-chis you're looking for! These are not the chi-chis you're looking for!"
Desperate to avoid yet another of his unwanted advances, Sheila attempts a Jedi Mind Trick on Bob's 'lesser brain'.
"That's okay, Mr. Sullivan, you don't have to demonstrate -- I already know more about your fetishes than I feel comfortable with..."
"Does This Mean You Didn't Pass Your Anger Management Class?"
"Don't Move, You've Got A Staple In Your Nose!"
Lakesha was dumbstruck as she saw her longtime co-worker begin his transformation into The Hulk.
Shaniqua says, "Excuse me, did you just say you were a student at Duke?
Sir you've jotted a memo here. "It puts the lotion in the basket...It does this when ever it's told." And why yes, I am a size 8....
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