Sunday, April 23, 2006

Nun of Your Beeswax

















Something wholesome for Sunday...

1. "I am your substitute teacher, Sr. Mary Elephant. Class? Class?"

2. Despite the age difference and the holy vows, there, in the refrigerated aisle, in front of the pastrami, their eyes met, and they just knew.

3. Hey, they're all pink in the middle, right?

4. Backstage with the Sisters of Mercy wasn't quite what Jonathan expected.

5. "That's okay, I have a confession too, my son. My name's Phillip and I'm on my way to a costume party."

6. The Piggly-Wiggly/Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus Chevy Monte Carlo was a big hit with NASCAR fans everywhere.

7. If God dropped acid, would he see people?

8. Come to think of it, the whole world has been going to hell in a handbasket ever since David Lee Roth left Van Halen.

9. "Okay, one more round of 'Kumbaya' and then you have to go back to the group home."

10. Today, the Catholic Church unveiled its new policy: "Don't ask, don't confess."

Best of prince of leaves:
ORA: On a secret mission to Earth, a disguised Anla'Shok Lennier meets with one of Brother Edward's contacts in a safe, public venue.

Best of attmay:
Safeway Players Present: "The Sound of Music"

Starring the Deli Lady as Maria von Trapp and the Cash Register Guy as The Captain

Best of Rufus Leaking:
"Ok, just this once, but don't get in the habit."

"Nuns are 'married to Christ'. This is my son from my first marriage."

Best of David Simon:
"Fine, go ahead and judge me. But if you were given the choice to elimidate Cindy Sheehan, Lorena Bobbitt or this broad, what would you do?"

Best of Submariner:
Sure and begorrah, that's not how to be tossin' your salad, Ian Kennedy. I'll be showin' you proper again, but only one more time...

I've got the maraschinos, Patrick. Be a good boy; get a can of ReadiWhip and meet me in the lot. No one ever needs to know about you and Father Roy.

Religious Studies/Philosophy 101 Mid-Term:
Q1 - If a nun farts in a produce aisle with no Catholic around - will she make a confession?

21 comments:

prince of leaves said...

Jay Bennish. Catholic school. It all makes sense!

prince of leaves said...

ORA: On a secret mission to Earth, a disguised Anla'Shok Lennier meets with one of Brother Edward's contacts in a safe, public venue.

attmay said...

Safeway Players Present: "The Sound of Music"

Starring the Deli Lady as Maria von Trapp
and the Cash Register Guy as The Captain

Rufus Leaking said...

"Ok, just this once, but don't get in the habit."

Rufus Leaking said...

"Nun's are 'married to Christ'. This is my son from my first marriage."

Rufus Leaking said...

"Baloney!"

"Why of course!"

Rodney Dill said...

"I was told I couldn't eat meat on Friday's during lent so I had none."

Bubbe said...

Hey Sister Sister, are you the salad or the dessert?

or ...

Make mine with nuts, please.

Rufus Leaking said...

Cheese's saves.

Six Degrees of Blondness said...

sound caption

(Does anyone else think that looks like Dana Carvey with long hair?!)

Mo said...

D'oh! Have to right-click "Copy as shortcut" to hear it. Sorry. Wasn't the case, earlier.
(For the record, that shouldn't be figured into my "blondness" level, BTW...:)

david simon said...

Uh sister, I have a hole in my jeans because I'm a Gen-X hipster, not because I want you to stick your finger in it.

David Simon said...

"Fine, go ahead and judge me. But if you were given the choice to elimidate Cindy Sheehan, Lorena Bobbitt or this broad, what would you do?"

David Simon said...

"I'm still mad at you for not supporting my little league team, Mr. Gilford. But I was wrong when I said you were tighter than a nun's snatch."

Rodney Dill said...

Sister Mary Thermopolis, patron saint of prune danishes, and Zeb.

jeff said...

Yes, this was my 7th grade teacher. Ageless, isn't he?

Zeke said...

fresh children can be found in the packaged meat section of your local store.
You didn't think they supported giant families for a wholesome reason did you?

Submariner said...

I wish I knew how to quit you, Sister.

Submariner said...

Sure and begorrah, that's not how to be tossin' your salad, Ian Kennedy. I'll be showin' you proper again, but only one more time...

Submariner said...

I've got the maraschino's, Patrick. Be a good boy; get a can of ReadiWhip and meet me in the lot. No one ever needs to know about you and Father Roy.

Submariner said...

Religious Studies/Philosophy 101 Mid-Term:

Q1 - If a nun farts in a produce aisle with no Catholic around - will she make a confession?