Sunday, April 23, 2006
Nun of Your Beeswax
Something wholesome for Sunday...
1. "I am your substitute teacher, Sr. Mary Elephant. Class? Class?"
2. Despite the age difference and the holy vows, there, in the refrigerated aisle, in front of the pastrami, their eyes met, and they just knew.
3. Hey, they're all pink in the middle, right?
4. Backstage with the Sisters of Mercy wasn't quite what Jonathan expected.
5. "That's okay, I have a confession too, my son. My name's Phillip and I'm on my way to a costume party."
6. The Piggly-Wiggly/Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus Chevy Monte Carlo was a big hit with NASCAR fans everywhere.
7. If God dropped acid, would he see people?
8. Come to think of it, the whole world has been going to hell in a handbasket ever since David Lee Roth left Van Halen.
9. "Okay, one more round of 'Kumbaya' and then you have to go back to the group home."
10. Today, the Catholic Church unveiled its new policy: "Don't ask, don't confess."
Best of prince of leaves:
ORA: On a secret mission to Earth, a disguised Anla'Shok Lennier meets with one of Brother Edward's contacts in a safe, public venue.
Best of attmay:
Safeway Players Present: "The Sound of Music"
Starring the Deli Lady as Maria von Trapp and the Cash Register Guy as The Captain
Best of Rufus Leaking:
"Ok, just this once, but don't get in the habit."
"Nuns are 'married to Christ'. This is my son from my first marriage."
Best of David Simon:
"Fine, go ahead and judge me. But if you were given the choice to elimidate Cindy Sheehan, Lorena Bobbitt or this broad, what would you do?"
Best of Submariner:
Sure and begorrah, that's not how to be tossin' your salad, Ian Kennedy. I'll be showin' you proper again, but only one more time...
I've got the maraschinos, Patrick. Be a good boy; get a can of ReadiWhip and meet me in the lot. No one ever needs to know about you and Father Roy.
Religious Studies/Philosophy 101 Mid-Term:
Q1 - If a nun farts in a produce aisle with no Catholic around - will she make a confession?