Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Help Wanted

1. "In retrospect, we should have seen the warning signs, like when Boyle organized the First Annual Department of Homeland Security Pre-Teen Beauty Pageant."

2. "What's Hillary pointin' at? Is my fly open? Would you tell me if it was?"

3. "No, no, Artie, you just sort of stroke your lips with your fingers and go 'blubba blubba blubba blubba blubba ...'"

4. Seeing his chance, Thing goes for the president's vodka while the POTUS is hypnotized by Cynthia McKinney's deranged rantings.

5. (ORA) Bush's Cancun Diary: "We went to Mexico, you know? And we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to a show. Everybody says you gotta check out one of these shows. And... it's a woman havin' maritals with a horse. We get there and we think it's gonna be awesome and... it is not as cool as it sounds like it's gonna be. It's kinda gross."

6. "Don't be such a pussy, Art. OK, $40 to drink that glass of Tijuana Tap Water."

7. "You know, Artie, if you get this woozy from watching a virgin being skinned alive, you might not Skull-&-Bones material."

8. "Yes. No. I was drunk. Not until afterwards. Crying and vomiting. Any other questions?"

Story Behind the Pic: The fellow on the right is the CEO of the company I'll no longer be working for as of next month because I've accepted a position with another company. (You may have noticed I seemed pre-occupied the last few weeks.) Anyway, I anticipate I'll be needing help keeping up the blog, beginning in a couple of weeks when I take a much-needed vacation, and continuing as I make the adjustment to the new position. Email me if interested. Long-time regulars who would want to participate anonymously, we'll come up with a pseudonym for you. Something catchy like "Igor."

33 comments:

The Man said...

The CEO of Lockeed Martin interviews a potential replacement for VtheK. Andrew Sullivan interviews later today.

radio free fred said...

"Sure Could Use A Shot Of Crown, How About You?"

WALSTIB said...

"Artie, if you slide on down a bit more, you can see the goods on that blonde in the front row...mmmmm."

Occasional Reader said...

"Pearls with corduroy? Is she *mad*?"

Occasional Reader said...

"I'm willing to stake my presidency on the proposition that an expanded Free Trade Area of the Americas will generate net gains in employment and wealth-creation for the entire hemisphere. But what do YOU think, Bat Boy?"

jeff said...

"Artie, what do you think - $50 or $100?"

"You know Artie, it worries me when my wife and Hillary get together."
"I understand, Mr. President.... what are they doing?

sonicfrog said...

What is it about these Bush's and Japan ??? At least this time, Bush has a hurling companion.

sonicfrog said...

"Oh My God! George... Have you EVER seen anyone do that with ping-pong balls before???"

"Once. At Yale. But it wasn't a guy."

catbat said...

sometimes a nice tall glass of pure grain alcohol is the only thing that gets me through the day too, mr. president.

prince of leaves said...

"Psst, Bob...What's the real story? You guys at LockMart really makin' copies of that Roswell saucer thing? C'mon, Bob, you can tell me...I'm the President!"

prince of leaves said...

"For the umpteenth time, Mr. President: my name isn't Locke, and no, I don't know what 'those damned numbers' mean."

divine miss M said...

"You're kidding. You mean prairie oysters aren't really seafood after all?"

Rodney Dill said...

"Ya sure you're not related to that Ross Perot feller, Artie?"

Cybrludite said...

Bush & Artie are less than pleased to find out that the stripper in the birthday cake is Helen Thomas. Wearing nothing but a g-string, stiletto heels and a big toothless grin.

WALSTIB said...

Call Chloe, give her our coordinates and tell her to have Jack get us the hell outa here!

Silhouette said...

What the hell is that?
What the hell is that thing?
Oh, I know what it is...Nope, what the HELL is that?
Hey you kids, don't touch it.

Silhouette said...

George didn't mind when Artie copied his shirt, his jacket, or even his mannerisms. It was the ear implants that went too far.

WALSTIB said...

"Artie, I'm telling you, if you let V the K go and he has to take a real job, it's gonna ruin my Thursdays."

Jason said...

Dude, I'd so hit that.

Cybrludite said...

Damn it, Artie, I wish I knew how to quit you!

Jonathan said...

"Damn, Artie, can those Stepford lesbians work a strap-on or what?"

Jonathan said...

"Artie, we really should stop staring at that crusty hanging out of Kofi's nose. The longer he goes without knowing about it, the funnier it will be when he finally does!"

Submariner said...

"Artie, got any $1's? I'm out..."

Submariner said...

"$5 bucks says Kofi picks his nose, Artie."
"$50 bucks says he eats it, George."

Submariner said...

OK, Artie, it's like this: I'm President so I get the first two picks, I'll take the BWM gal on the left, skip the next one and take the next one...

Submariner said...

Uh, no, Artie. You can't have #2 - that's Jenna...

Submariner said...

Bet you wish you didn't give up Viagra® for Lent, now, eh Artie?

Greta (hooah wife) said...

Don't you have trackback?

Robert said...

They're onto us. We need to get out of here. On the count of three, knock over your glass to distract them.

bad-d-d-dude said...

"Face it, if Kurlander leaves, your company tanks and you take the whole economy down with you. As Commander-in-Chief, I can't let that happen right before mid-terms. Capice Beaker?"

Chip said...

Watching Helen Thomas do a spontaneous table dance was everything they thought it would be, and more.

Chip said...

Cheney really needs to learn to zip up his fly.

Fish-Lips said...

Mime-speak for: "six of our fingers are willing to cooperate with you but our thumbs and forefingers are opposed."