Sunday, April 16, 2006

Canine Americana

1. "Hot damn! We eat tonight!"

2. Don't rush, folks. There's plenty of lesbian and bestiality captions to go around.

3. "Yup, the poor thing crawled across the street with its legs and spine broken and its entrails hanging out, just so it could die in your arms. Well, Happy Easter!"

4. "Well, girl, you run yourself a crack house, you gotta get yourself a pit bull."

5. "Those customs guys fell for the Seeing Eye Dog gambit once again. Well, let's cut him open and get those heroin balloons."

6. "Starve him in the back shed for a few days, then when your husband's passed out drunk again, tie a pork chop to his wang and turn him loose." Lorena Bobbitt, Marriage Counselor-at-Large Sundays on A&E.

From the usual place where Americana flows like water from the Jordan.

Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
"Mmmmm...puppies! The other, OTHER white meat! Get in mah belly!"

Best of WhoopsieDaisey
Y'see, Charlene? He likes it. Start with the peanut butter on your fingers...

Best of Submariner
Well, honey; back on the farm we checked if a cows was expectin' by reachin' up her hoo-hoo-dilly. S'pose we could do the same for Lady Jane...

14 comments:

e-ho said...

#6 - LOLOLOLOL!

David Simon said...

"Lady, if you don't get your fat daughter's spread eagle crotch away from my snout, I'm going to bite your other arm."

David Simon said...

Due to a shortage of pitbulls, dog fight promoters in Mississippi are using two trailer trash chicks as substitutes.

David Simon said...

"Drop those car keys right now you damn mutt, or we're putting you on a plane to Asia."

JAINPHX said...

he's a secret agent for pita hold him down till help arrives

Lyn said...

What did Helen Keller say when her new seeing eye dog ran away? Dog gone!

Arcticman Speaks! said...

"Oh yes Tonya, she tried to take my arm off too. With one of these little pearlies right here. But don't you worry. You're more than big enough to kick her goat-smellin' ass!

Jonathan said...

"Why did Helen Keller's dog run away from home? You would, too, if your name was 'UHHHHAAAAHWWWWWWHAAAAAAARRRR'!"

Jonathan said...

"Mmmmm...puppies! The other, OTHER white meat! Get in mah belly!"

T. Harris said...

Yeah, and if we train him right we'll be able to get him to lick ANYTHING!

WhoopsieDaisey said...

Y'see, Charlene? He likes it. Start with the peanut butter on your fingers...

Submariner said...

Well, honey; back on the farm we checked if a cows was expectin' by reachin' up her hoo-hoo-dilly. S'pose we could do the same for Lady Jane...

Rodney Dill said...

"Dropped 'im again? Man those ladies sure can't hold their licker."

Submariner said...

I prefer a bold red with Lab, but a Rheisling is great with Collie...