2. Don't rush, folks. There's plenty of lesbian and bestiality captions to go around.
3. "Yup, the poor thing crawled across the street with its legs and spine broken and its entrails hanging out, just so it could die in your arms. Well, Happy Easter!"
4. "Well, girl, you run yourself a crack house, you gotta get yourself a pit bull."
5. "Those customs guys fell for the Seeing Eye Dog gambit once again. Well, let's cut him open and get those heroin balloons."
6. "Starve him in the back shed for a few days, then when your husband's passed out drunk again, tie a pork chop to his wang and turn him loose." Lorena Bobbitt, Marriage Counselor-at-Large Sundays on A&E.
From the usual place where Americana flows like water from the Jordan.
Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
"Mmmmm...puppies! The other, OTHER white meat! Get in mah belly!"
Best of WhoopsieDaisey
Y'see, Charlene? He likes it. Start with the peanut butter on your fingers...
Best of Submariner
Well, honey; back on the farm we checked if a cows was expectin' by reachin' up her hoo-hoo-dilly. S'pose we could do the same for Lady Jane...