Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Babushka


1. Ol'ga Babushka realizes too late that she optioned off her mineral rights to Yukos Oil.

2. Just another day of redtape for contestants in the new hit show, Former Soviet Idols.

3. "P.S. Aren't you glad I was given something other than toilet paper to write on this time? Sincerely, Your Son Ivan, Gulag City, Siberia."

4. The real Babushka Lady is finally discovered. And subpoenaed.

5. Government List of Approved and Prohibited Activities - Rule Number 902: All soup must contain beets.

6. Government List of Penalties for Breaking Rule Number 902 - Number 844: No borscht for you!

Target of My Mockery: Telegraph-dot-co-dot-UK

Best of Rodney Dill
INSTRUCTION MANUAL FOR OBTAINING A NO. 2 PENCIL -- (please fill out with a No. 2 pencil only)

In writing War and Peace Tolstoy was going for the big laugh, but the more he wrote the more elusive it became.

Best of Submariner
Afghani's learn one of the lesser "blessings of freedom" when they receive their 2006 Income Tax Forms in the mail.

Having finished filling out her eHarmony questionairre, she who is destined to be Prough91's real "ideal match" prepares to post.

The Vogon request form for toilet paper was somewhat disconcerting at the best of times. When you have the runs...

Best of Dusty
Helen Thomas laments over all the questions she never got to ask Pres. Bush during his last press conference.

Best of WALSTIB
Sequence Continuation Format Error on line 14,907??!! That's it! I'm done with Fortran!

Best of attmay
An assistant struggles with Michael Moore's grocery list.

Best of Mr. Right
Somewhere in the Heartland of America, Monday, April 17, 2006: If you have any additional income listed on Line 41b, Part C (loose change found in couch cushions) you must attach Form 1022y and file a 322/j Stated Unearned Tertiary Third-Party Non-Farming Textile Industry Windfall Interest Income Exemption Report as outlined in Section 545, Part K (See Page 219,533 of the U.S. Tax Code for further instructions). IMPORTANT NOTE: Failure to comply is a Class A Felony and may result in significant financial penalties and/or jail time...

Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
Olga wept as she examined her philandering hubby's cell phone bill.

Best of Cybrludite
I assure you, Mrs. Buttle, the Ministry is very scrupulous about following up and eradicating any error. If you have any complaints which you'd like to make, I'd be more than happy to send you the appropriate forms.

24 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

INSTRUCTION MANUAL FOR OBTAINING
A NO. 2 PENCIL -- (please fill out with a No. 2 pencil only)

Submariner said...

Afghani's learn one of the lesser "blessings of freedom" when they receive their 2006 Income Tax Forms in the mail.

Silhouette said...

It was a really, really big fortune cookie.

divine miss M said...

Medicare prescription coverage is just as confusing for Russia's elderly.

Cybrludite said...

This is your receipt for your husband... and this is my receipt for your receipt.

Cybrludite said...

I assure you, Mrs. Buttle, the Ministry is very scrupulous about following up and eradicating any error. If you have any complaints which you'd like to make, I'd be more than happy to send you the appropriate forms.

Rodney Dill said...

"With 17,893 captions to enter for that Mardi Gras white underware guy I sure wish I had a computer."

Submariner said...

ORA:

The Vogon request form for toilet paper was somewhat disconcerting at the best of times. When you have the runs...

Jonathan said...

Olga wept as she examined her philandering hubby's cell phone bill.

Submariner said...

Riffing on Jonathan Leffingwell's last post:

Olga knew things weren't great between the sheets anymore, but the sheer quantity of 900 numbers on the bill were too much to take...

Submariner said...

Sen. Mikulski was peaved - she thought she had fixed it once and for all that calls to constituents pandering for re-election contributions weren't to be charged to her...

attmay said...

An assistant struggles with Michael Moore's grocery list.

Submariner said...

hurry, hurry, ah, here it is; APPROVED - Good!
>QUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!<
aaahhh - MUCH better...

Submariner said...

Dear Momma Prough,
I know the typed letter is kind of impersonal, but I'm doing well and typing this makes it seem like I'm working. Can you do me a favor and find a more flattering picture for the milk cartons?

Submariner said...

Having finished filling out her eHarmony questionairre, she who is destined to be Prough91's real "ideal match" prepares to post.

Submariner said...

Having lost her ISP, Dawn is reduced to typing her POO (posts of outrage) and sending to V. the K. via snail mail...

Rodney Dill said...

In writing War and Peace Tolstoy was going for the big laugh, but the more he wrote the more elusive it became.

Submariner said...

I've got the PMS Blues and they're turning off my electricity? Get the Mosin Nagant, Sergei, we're paying a little visit to the utilities kommissar...

WALSTIB said...

Sequence Continuation Format Error on line 14,907??!! That's it! I'm done with Fortran!

Mr. Right said...

OFF CAMERA: "Looks like I just lost another loan to Ditech!"

Mr. Right said...

Agnes found the ACLU lawsuit banning her from ever again displaying a Christmas Tree in her front window a little too much to take...

Mr. Right said...

Somewhere in the Heartland of America, Monday, April 17, 2006:

If you have any additional income listed on Line 41b, Part C (loose change found in couch cushions) you must attach Form 1022y and file a 322/j Stated Unearned Tertiary Third-Party Non-Farming Textile Industry Windfall Interest Income Exemption Report as outlined in Section 545, Part K (See Page 219,533 of the U.S. Tax Code for further instructions). IMPORTANT NOTE: Failure to comply is a Class A Felony and may result in significant financial penalties and/or jail time...

Dusty said...

Helen Thomas laments over all the questions she never got to ask Pres. Bush during his last press conference.

Submariner said...

Dusty - Helen Thomas... classic!