Saturday, March 25, 2006

Weekend Americana featuring Primary Colors and Geometric Shapes

1. The Ori permit the Priors some leeway on Casual Fridays.

2. Even at the Community Theater level, a dramatic reading of a Donald Pleasance monologue from Puma Man is not impressive.

3. "You have all failed in your efforts to cut out a perfect trapezoid. The Orb of the Ori will now purge you with its cleansing flame."

4. "You are all under my power now..." Bill had increased his AmWay sales 45% since discovering the Aztec Mind Control Artifact.

5. Looking into his crystal ball, Bill is stunned to see a vision of his own crucifixion.

6. In retirement, Bill tried his hand at prop comedy.

7. "Now, did Chef ever touch you... like this?"

8. "Why do you ladies titter so whenever I comment on what great job someone did on this rim?"

From (fair use, disclaimers) the usual source of Americana.

17 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

Man: "I will now make Sponge Bob Square Pants Magically appear.
Woman: (Thinking)"...and I didn't think he was sponge worthy."

David Simon said...

Barry Belcher performs a little magic at a PFLAG talent show.

The Man said...

David Blane (age 76) pulls another item from his exposed rectum.

David Simon said...

Barney Frank's assistant accepts an award from ACT UP. "Oh this crystal is just fabulous. Barney will be so proud to display it in the armoire right next to his autographed picture of Judy Garland."

Lyn said...

Antique Roadshow High School Version: A 30 year old plastic milk bottle melted and painted by Bon Jovi may fetch $2 at auction.

radio free fred said...

"The Amazing Elmo, Tries Once Again To Remove A Candy Dish From His Hand."

prince of leaves said...

Among the paranormal talents, the better-known bending of spoons often upstages the no less spectacular telekinetic warping of goldfish bowls.

[Am I the only one who has to enter the frickin' verification word two dozen times to get anything to post here?]

prince of leaves said...

"Remember children: the next time Ms. Pinkle here has to call me in to restore order, it'll be the class hamster that gets the Scanners treatment!" -- Principal Halvorsen was not one to tolerate disruptions, especially in the Supernaturally Gifted and Talented class.

Robert said...

Sara looks on nervously as Charlie attempts to levitate her crystal bowl with his new Jedi mind trick.

Rodney Dill said...

"Eanie Meanie
Chili-Beanie
The spirits are about to speak"

WALSTIB said...

"For my next trick, watch as I carefully remove my wife Blanche's underwear from around this...um, did I say that out loud? Um, I meant to say remove this stained fabric, that's better, from around this fishbowl and reveal, um...{what's in the fishbowl again Blanche?}"

Faculty Talent Show on a Budget

Submariner said...

Would you like to sign up for the Sport's Authority charge card? You get one of these if you do...

Submariner said...

Dave did his best on the "Crocodile Dundee Water Buffalo trick," but Rosie just couldn't be stopped once she caught sight of Carol.

Submariner said...

Just a little more to the left... and... there! Perfectly balanced fishbowl. $25.00 please.

Submariner said...

Maude and Fred had developed a "unique" way to fill out their NCAA pool sheets...

Submariner said...

Ahhhh, I see your problem, Maybelle. Turn it the other way up on the table and fill it with chocolate bonbons... The neighbors'll come on back.

Submariner said...

Gretta collapsed; Fred never was any good at feng shui...