1. "See, Girl, when Oprah says 'bar-hopping,' she mean 'all-you-can-eat-sundae-bar' hopping. We love you Oprah!" 2. Wilt Chamberlain's former conquests meet at a convention. Seated here, Numbers 900-1100, June/July, 1973.
3. "Dammit, Denzel is still in the double digits. We ain't never gonna get no lovin'."
4. "Damn, you said everything on the menu looked good, and damn if you wasn't right."
5. "Someone tell that smart-ass kid I'm not Free Willy."
6. "Note to self," Bill said. "Next time, do not let Hillary screen the new interns."
7. This is the first time I've actually seen a woman so fat that she had other fat women in orbit around her.
8. What's the big deal? Just a normal lunch Buffalo-rush at Church's Chicken.
9. "Giggity, Giggity," ... oh, thank the Lord for John Goodman.
10. You know, I just saw Spanglish and these are the women I would pay to sit on Adam Sandler if he ever feels like making another frackin' chick flick.
Best of The Man
Warning: Objects in the Caption This! segment are larger than they appear.
Best of Rodney Dill
Jerry Springer's Green Room
Best of Submariner
Next up on the auction blocck, #956 is a pleasant-tempered Holstein from Jersey...
When's Dick Gregory coming to help us lose enough to be able to get out of the Superdome?
When Spike Lee holds a "cattle call," he really holds a cattle call!
These ladies are proof that "nobody doesn't like Sara Lee." (or KFC, or Mickey D's, or Ben & Jerry's, or Hungryman dinners, or Kraft Mac & Cheese, or ...)
Best of David Simon
T"his is bullsh*t, officer. When the skinny white dude at Dairy Queen said black cow, how was we supposed to know he was ordering a rootbeer float?"
New allegations of torture surfaced when several Taliban detainees were discovered shackled in the ladies' restroom at Queen Shaniqua's Chicken Shack.
In this case, food stamp is short for food stampede.
Best of jeff
The moments of bliss before running into Southwest Airlines "you take two seats, you pay for two seats" policy.
Little did they realize that their numbers indicated their estimated weight.
Best of andthenblammo!
"Hell, we didn't know that free tickets to the 'Richard Simmons' show meant we'd have to watch some frizzy-haired twinkletoes yap at us about losing weight. So we ate him."
Best of attmay
The casting call to play Shirley the waitress in "What's Happening: The Movie"
Best of nevergrewup
Auditions to find the real life pole dancer who rescues "Chef" of "Southpark" from pedophilia take place today.
Best of radio free fred
"This New Chicken Flavored Lipstick Is Really Good!
Best of Son Of The Godfather
Hints From Heloise #57: It's always a good idea to re-apply lipstick after devouring the entire contents of a vending machine.
And, I lost track of who sent this to me, but it seems like something Brenda would send. I have been half-assing the credits lately, and I apologize for that, but I've got a lot on my mind.
40 comments:
ABC Presents: Krispy Kreme Idol
Fox Presents: Who Wants to Date Andrew Sullivan!
Warning: Objects in the Caption This! segment are larger than they appear.
Jerry Springer's Green Room
Queen Latifah? Skinny Bitch? It could happen.
Next up on the auction blocck, #956 is a pleasant-tempered Holstein from Jersey...
When's Dick Gregory coming to help us lose enough to be able to get out of the Superdome?
Y'know, burqha's are not always a bad idea.
ORA:
Jamaican Bobsledding holding cheerleader tryouts...
When Spike Lee holds a "cattle call," he really holds a cattle call!
HURT (Harlem's Urban Reality Theatre) holds auditions for the role of Mama Nolan for their presentation of "A Tree Grows In Brooklyn."
ORA:
Stella! D'oro?
These ladies are proof that "nobody doesn't like Sara Lee."
(or KFC, or Mickey D's, or Ben & Jerry's, or Hungryman dinners, or Kraft Mac & Cheese, or ...)
I'm sorry ma'am, but FAA and TWA regulations require me to assess livestock freight charges for your family...
V. - tons of material that would serve can be found at http://fatboy.cc/ a site dedicated to our favorite beached whale from Massachussetts.
"Are you girls tons of fun?"
"SHE IS!!!"
Cedric the Entertainer reviewed the line-up for the evening with disgust; "Look buddy. I'm a big man with big appetites, but there's no need insulting me that way..."
"When I Get Done With Simon Cow He'll Be Speaking Swahili And Parting His Hair On The Right Side."
You be lyin' girl. Ain't no way you weigh 24 pounds less than me.
T"his is bullsh*t, officer. When the skinny white dude at Dairy Queen said black cow, how was we supposed to know he was ordering a rootbeer float?"
New allegations of torture surfaced when several Taliban detainees were discovered shackled in the ladies' restroom at Queen Shaniqua's Chicken Shack.
The moments of bliss before running into Southwest Airlines "you take two seats, you pay for two seats" policy.
When they asked for exit row seating, the answer wasn't no - it was "HECK NO!"
Little did they realize that their numbers indicated their estimated weight.
In this case, food stamp is short for food stampede.
ORA:
"Normality? We can talk about normality until the cows come home."
Oops, too late; they're here...
Sister Shaneyney? Is this it? Then all I can say is this year's pledges for Kappa Mu Mu are a sorry-looking lot...
The "American Idol 10-year Reunion Special"
#956 deftly employs a toothpick to dislodge an uncooperative ham bone. As the ham bone hits the floor, #934 yells "Look, it's Puff Daddy!", covers it with her foot, and rakes it under her chair.
"Hell, we didn't know that free tickets to the 'Richard Simmons' show meant we'd have to watch some frizzy-haired twinkletoes yap at us about losing weight. So we ate him."
The casting call to play Shirley the waitress in "What's Happening: The Movie"
Auditions to find the real life pole dancer who rescues "Chef" of "Southpark" from pedophilia take place today.
Although it did not entirely eliminate the penalty for "Backfield in Motion," seating this crowd did drop about 960 yards worth of it...
Nothing to see here, folks. Just another meeting of Mooooooooo-oooooveOn.com. Please do so...
"This New Chicken Flavored Lipstick Is Really Good!
That one was from me.
Come on guys, on a scale of 1 to 10...
...Guess we'd be buying a new scale to replace the pulverized one.
Diana Ross's new backup singers, The Bacon Supreme's.
V the K says he's got a lot on his mind, but I think we can tell that from the picture... a WHOLE lot on his mind.
heh.
Hints From Heloise #57:
It's always a good idea to re-apply lipstick after devouring the entire contents of a vending machine.
It was a fact that if they made it past this "round", they would be in "hog-heaven" for sure.
(Hey man, that's an extra-credit pun right there. ;)
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