1. Andrew Sullivan realized he had to get to Iraq immediately.
2. Unfortunately, they found out too late that Guinness doesn't have a category for anal insertions.
3. 'Ow to speak Orstralian: Strap-on
4. The 101st Airborne prepares for a visit from Paris Hilton.
5. "No, I'm good. She packed my bags last night, pre-flight. Zero-hour, nine A.M."
6. "So this is the Holy Bomb that will rid the planet of damned, dirty apes once and for all. Kewl."
7. "Oh, here's our mistake. We were supposed to strap the electrodes to a Barbie doll." - ORA
8. "Lemmiwinks? What are you doing in there?"
9. "No, this would be overkill. Let's just use the little white missile.
10. "I've stopped worrying, and I love this bomb."
Best of Submariner
"With love; Cap This! readers" Want me to write anything else on it?
Don't worry about running out. I can always ask Uncle T.O. for more Sharpies™
Best of Rodney Dill
"Yea it is cold, at least you didn't stick you tongue to it."
"Yea, I'm pretty sure Slim Pickens didn't ride the rocket that way."
In some places this works better than beads to get women to show you their breasts
Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
"The warning on the label said that erections could last for hours, but NOTHING about THIS!"
Best of T. Harris
"Hurry up and get that Predator drone loaded up and in the air! The boys over at Intel say there's a vehicle containing Helen Thomas and David Gregory speeding west out of Baghdad."
Best of andthenblammo!
"Honest, this little label says,'TO: Michael Moore, New York, New York. FROM: Just About The Entire Population of the United States. HOW TO USE: Insert anally for fast relief of painful rectal itch. If suppository falls out, pillows can be used to wedge in place. Once inserted, stand in deserted area and pull red tag. DOSAGE: Use as necessary until red disgusting constantly dribbling anus disappears permanently."
Best of ThatGayConservative
"And the LORD spake, saying, first shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, is counted, then lobbest thou thy Holy Rocket of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."
I'm not telling you where I got this. Neener. Neener. Neener.