Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Damn, Bro, You Are Happy to See Me

1. Andrew Sullivan realized he had to get to Iraq immediately.

2. Unfortunately, they found out too late that Guinness doesn't have a category for anal insertions.

3. 'Ow to speak Orstralian: Strap-on

4. The 101st Airborne prepares for a visit from Paris Hilton.

5. "No, I'm good. She packed my bags last night, pre-flight. Zero-hour, nine A.M."

6. "So this is the Holy Bomb that will rid the planet of damned, dirty apes once and for all. Kewl."

7. "Oh, here's our mistake. We were supposed to strap the electrodes to a Barbie doll." - ORA

8. "Lemmiwinks? What are you doing in there?"

9. "No, this would be overkill. Let's just use the little white missile.

10. "I've stopped worrying, and I love this bomb."

Best of Submariner
"With love; Cap This! readers" Want me to write anything else on it?

Don't worry about running out. I can always ask Uncle T.O. for more Sharpies™

Best of Rodney Dill
"Yea it is cold, at least you didn't stick you tongue to it."

"Yea, I'm pretty sure Slim Pickens didn't ride the rocket that way."

In some places this works better than beads to get women to show you their breasts

Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
"The warning on the label said that erections could last for hours, but NOTHING about THIS!"

Best of T. Harris
"Hurry up and get that Predator drone loaded up and in the air! The boys over at Intel say there's a vehicle containing Helen Thomas and David Gregory speeding west out of Baghdad."

Best of andthenblammo!
"Honest, this little label says,'TO: Michael Moore, New York, New York. FROM: Just About The Entire Population of the United States. HOW TO USE: Insert anally for fast relief of painful rectal itch. If suppository falls out, pillows can be used to wedge in place. Once inserted, stand in deserted area and pull red tag. DOSAGE: Use as necessary until red disgusting constantly dribbling anus disappears permanently."

Best of ThatGayConservative
"And the LORD spake, saying, first shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, is counted, then lobbest thou thy Holy Rocket of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."


I'm not telling you where I got this. Neener. Neener. Neener.

31 comments:

Cybrludite said...

Dude on the left has some serious size issues...

John said...

ORA revealed..."Weird Science"

Cybrludite said...

"So what if Cheney uses a live cougar for a condom? I use a Hellfire, frikkin' missile!" - This ill-concieved boast lead to what the soldier's bunk-mate refered to as "The Night Of The Sodomizing Cougar-Man"

Chevy Rose said...

"It says, "Chevy Rose says "Kiss This Iran"".
"O.K., But which end goes on first?"

Submariner said...

Note to self: "SFM" stands for shoulder fired missile for a reason.
(DAMN that had to hurt!)

Submariner said...

Good thing we still had a couple of these left in Area 51...

Submariner said...

"With love; Cap This! readers"
Want me to write anything else on it?

radio free fred said...

"Man I Was Wrong!" "You Are A Brother!"

Submariner said...

Don't worry about running out. I can always ask Uncle T.O. for more Sharpies™

Submariner said...

ORA:

"Of course, the whole point of a Doomsday Machine is lost, if you keep it a secret! Why didn't you tell the world, EH?"

Submariner said...

So ORA that only Divine Miss M is likely to get it:

"Oh, this is our prototype. RX Intercontinental, radar-seeking, multi-warheaded nuclear missile."

Submariner said...

ORA:

Hawkins; "Leary, you got that missile. You might wanna think about using it."

jeff said...

"Yep, this is the one with the Michael Jackson seeking warhead. Load 'er up!"

David Simon said...

"Damn, you weren't kidding. You sure do have an outie."

Rodney Dill said...

HOO-AHH!

Rodney Dill said...

"Yea it is cold, at least you didn't stick you tongue to it."

Rodney Dill said...

"Yea, I'm pretty sure Slim Pickens didn't ride the rocket that way."

Rodney Dill said...

"I don't think Mission Accomplished is the operative phrase here, either."

Rodney Dill said...

In some places this works better than beads to get women to show you their breasts

Jonathan said...

ORA: "Is that the footlong?" "And then some!"

Jonathan said...

ORA: "Should I call you 'Nick', or 'Mr. Dick'?"

Jonathan said...

"The warning on the label said that erections could last for hours, but NOTHING about THIS!"

Occasional Reader said...

"'Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice...' DAMMIT, Mon, that's MY line!"

radio free fred said...

"Whew!!! When's The Last Time You Showered?"

Submariner said...

Say what you will, but I always feel stupid giving the "Big Boy ®" his suppository...

T. Harris said...

"Hurry up and get that Predator drone loaded up and in the air! The boys over at Intel say there's a vehicle containing Helen Thomas and David Gregory speeding west out of Baghdad."

radio free fred said...

"Now That's What I Call A Venereal Warhead!"

andthenblammo! said...

"Honest, this little label says,'TO: Michael Moore, New York, New York. FROM: Just About The Entire Population of the United States. HOW TO USE: Insert anally for fast relief of painful rectal itch. If suppository falls out, pillows can be used to wedge in place. Once inserted, stand in deserted area and pull red tag. DOSAGE: Use as necessary until red disgusting constantly dribbling anus disappears permanently."

Kevin Walker said...

Seperated at birth?

ThatGayConservative said...

"And the LORD spake, saying, first shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, is counted, then lobbest thou thy Holy Rocket of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."



Private Eightball: "What we have here, little yellow sister, is a magnificent specimen of pure Alabama Blacksnake."

Submariner said...

We have to keep the proportions of black and white ordnance the same as the general population? I am just so sick of this PC crap!