Sunday, March 19, 2006

Another Lileks Nightmare

1. "Hey, Mrs. LeTourneau, they're playing our song... 'Oh, me so horny, oh, me so horny...'"

2. "Hey, if you're half the hosebag grandma used to be, you're going to need monster-sized sex aids when you get to seventy, too."

3. "I'm so happy you found a loophole in that restraining order, Mrs. Letourneau."

4. "Oh, crap, grandpa's screaming 'F**kin' gooks aren't gonna take me alive' and goin' after Uncle Roy with a hot barbecue skewer."

5. "Yes, Mrs. Letourneau, the diamond dog collar does look 'fetching.' Now, what say you get down on all fours."

6. Click "Tornado warning, shmornado warning. Let nothing come between me and the admiration of your perky breasts."

7. "These Little Giant Brand Weiners are making me thirsty!"

8. "Hey, just ignore the old bat. Check out the size of her vodka flask and tell me what business she has callin' you a skank?"

9. "Oh, fabulous. An ABBA Marathon! Turn it up!" Mrs Letourneau finally figures out why Billy is so immune to her charms.

10. "And that'sh when Goering shays to me, he shays, Berneesh, you're right. That'sh eckshackly what we need to do about the Jewsh..." "Hey, let's just turn this up louder so we don't have to listen to her."

Best of Right Wing Animator
Danny, put another round in that woman over there! Look! She's a twitcher!

Best of WALSTIB
Lili: Would you like another schnitzengruben?
Bart: No, thank you. Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben.

Best of Submariner
And now, babe, a little Barry White to put you in the mood...

Gramma: "I'm going to the washroom now, I'm taking the, uh, er, um, paper! Yeah, the paper. I'll probably be about 15-20 minutes so don't anyone worry - or come looking for me, or anything like that. I'll be fine, really..."

Oh, honey; I think 6 years is long enough for you to nurse... Ready to take it to another level?

Best of The Man
They call it an "Enumclaw Horsehound" for a reason Jimmy.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Get your hand off the knob and stop playing with your wiener."

"Yes Timmy, Grandma is about to detonate the hand held thermonuclear device, Allahu Akbar!"

"Could I have some more milf.. I mean milk please?"

Best of WhoopsieDaisey
Mom, I'm not real sure how to say this, but our little "frottage" fun? It just isn't enough for me anymore...

I had Granny last night, but you're still the best, Mrs. Letourneau!

Next, maybe I can eat your "hot dog" and you can eat my "taco" OK, Billy?

Best of Van Helsing
"Gosh, Mom. It feels swell when you put your foot there and rub like that!"

Best of David Simon
"You're right, Mable. Some Ronrico 151 really does make this Hawaiian Punch crap taste good."

Best of David Simon
"It's MY radio lady. Touch the dial again, and I'll break your arm."

"No I don't want to play ball with the men. I want to listen to the Barbara Streisand marathon on WFAG."

Best of T. Harris
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.....until Dad gets his left hand crushed by Junior's home run swing.

Best of andthenblammo!
"Needs more cowbell."

"He's so cute", thought Mrs. Moore,"But that's the fifteenth hot dog Michael's had today. I hope he's not developing some kind of eating disorder. And why doesn't he listen to something other than Public Radio?"

Once again from Plan 59, on a tip from Discarded Lies.

37 comments:

prince of leaves said...

"Oh, Fraaaank! You want your suppository now, or after we eat?"

E-ho said...

V the K - you're twisted. I like that.
"LeTourneau" OMG It looks just like her in cartoon! LOL!

TC said...

"That's right, Tommy. Polished with a spit shine."

Anonymous said...

Danny, put another round in that woman over there! Look! She's a twitcher!

Right Wing Animator said...

I hate how this is the only cookie that doesn't save... the DotD reference is me

WALSTIB said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
WALSTIB said...

Lili: Would you like another schnitzengruben?
Bart: No, thank you. Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben.

Submariner said...

Johnny! Quit blaying ball for a moment and stop your father; he's "trolling for queers" again!

Submariner said...

Mrs. LeTournea? This dog gives me and idea for later, if you know what I mean?

Submariner said...

Gramma: "I'm going to the washroom now, I'm taking the, uh, er, um, paper! Yeah, the paper. I'll probably be about 15-20 minutes so don't anyone worry - or come looking for me, or anything like that. I'll be fine, really..."

The Man said...

Grandma's dildo was the envy of the entire family.

The Man said...

They call it an "Enumclaw dog" for a reason Jimmy.

Rodney Dill said...

"Yes Timmy, Grandma is about to detonate the hand held thermonuclear device, Allahu Akbar!"

Submariner said...

And now, babe, a little Barry White to put you in the mood...

WhoopsieDaisey said...

Mom, I'm not real sure how to say this, but our little "frottage" fun? It just isn't enough for me anymore...

WhoopsieDaisey said...

I had Granny last night, but you're still the best, Mrs. Letourneau!

WhoopsieDaisey said...

Next, maybe I can eat your "hot dog" and you can eat my "taco" OK, Billy?

Van Helsing said...

"Gosh, Mom. It feels swell when you put your foot there and rub like that!"

David Simon said...

"You're right, Mable. Some Ronrico 151 really does make this Hawaiian Punch crap taste good."

David Simon said...

"It's MY radio lady. Touch the dial again, and I'll break your arm."

David Simon said...

"No I don't want to play ball with the men. I want to listen to the Barbara Streisand marathon on WFAG."

David Simon said...

"Hey toots, I'm feelin' like a little pie for dessert, if you know what I mean."

Rodney Dill said...

"Could I have some more milf.. I mean milk please?"

T. Harris said...

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.....until Dad gets his left hand crushed by Junior's home run swing.

Rodney Dill said...

"Get your hand off the knob and stop playing with your wiener."

andthenblammo! said...

"So you're tired of hot dogs, and are more in the mood for a little red snapper, eh? Precocious little bugger, aren't you?"

andthenblammo! said...

"Hey, Grampa, which Thermos had the coffee, and which one had your stool sample again? Really?? Well, 'taint bad!"

andthenblammo! said...

"Hey, Junior, drop that baseball bat, and run tell Mrs Bobbitt that we found her husbands, uh, wiener!"

andthenblammo! said...

"Ha Ha, twiddle the knobs, 'Come In Rangoon', I get it. I'm still not going to your treehouse to see your etchings, Ball-Park breath!"

andthenblammo! said...

"Needs more cowbell."

andthenblammo! said...

"He's so cute", thought Mrs. Moore,"But that's the fifteenth hot dog Michael's had today. I hope he's not developing some kind of eating disorder. And why doesn't he listen to something other than Public Radio?"

Rodney Dill said...

"...and your cousin was named Dick, 'cause he was always playing with his."
"... but why didja call me Beaver, mom?"

radio free fred said...

ROCK ON! ROCK HARD! ROCK WELL!

Submariner said...

Oh, honey; I think 6 years is long enough for you to nurse... Ready to take it to another level?

Submariner said...

OK honey, I guess we have time for a quickie with grandma while dad's busy with your brother's balls and grandpa's running around the park waving his wiener on a skewer...

WALSTIB said...

"Auntie Jane, you know that my fiddling with the radio knob here is really only a metaphor for what I want to do with yours...giggity giggity giggity"

Merovign said...

Bart: "No, I want to watch YOU eat the hot dog!"
Aunt Lily: "No, I want to watch YOU eat the hot dog!"


Bart didn't like to play baseball, he just liked to listen to "Little things mean a lot" on the radio and share knowing glances with aunt Lily.