Saturday, February 11, 2006

Weekend Americana - Old Lady Edition

1. "When you get old, your bowel movements look like this."

2. Grandma Parker also got bitten by a radioactive spider, but she just kind of oozed stuff from her wrist.

3. "Little Friskies tastes just as good comin' up," Bulimia and the elderly, America's hidden tragedy.

4. And she's still 20 years younger than the average age of a 60 Minutes viewer.

5. "Bad Grandma! Bad! Take that gross thing, outside!" "Now, now, she doesn't know any better. Bringing a dead mole into the house is just her way of saying she loves us."

6. "You okay, grandma? They way you were coughing, we thought you were gonna hack up a lung or something."

7. "Wow, Grandma. You really did save Hitler's brain."

8. "Thank you, grandma, for the graphic illustration of exactly what will be left of social security after the baby boomers retire."

Fair Use. Disclaimer applies. Americana. Yadda-yadda-yadda...

18 comments:

Attmay said...

Maybe John Waters wasn't the best choice to direct Golden Girls: The Movie...

jbinnout said...

Grandma proudly shows all visitors her prized collection of "beany baby" road kills.

jbinnout said...

Grandma religously dusts her asphalt icon. She claims it has an image of Christ, but the rest of the family says it's just oil stains.

AM42 said...

"When you get old, your breast implants look like this."

jbinnout said...

Grandma breaks out her secret stash of "medical" brownies.

The Man said...

Andrew Sullivan's mother saved his placenta to sell on eBay when he became relavent.

andthenblammo! said...

"I said my kids would crap themselves when they saw my photos on the 'Hot Grannie Action GGMILF' website, and look, I was right!"

andthenblammo! said...

"Here,dear, now maybe you won't drop your false teeth in the cow pasture again??!"

Anonymous said...

You're just in time. I was just taking these juicy baked mole rats out of the oven.

Jonathan H said...

"Look kids, this is what happens to people that piss me off."

"Don't even think of putting me in one of those homes where old people go to die. Your dad suggested we go there and look what happened to him."

Chevy Rose said...

"I saved your grandpa's kidney stone, Sonny. Want to add it to your rock collection?"

T. Harris said...

Madelline Albright, sans make-up on Christmas morning, immediately knew who put a lump of coal in her stocking: "Come on Sandy, it's your MO. It was you wasn't it?"

Submariner said...

You blew off dinner with me to get stoned? No I do not understand! Come here, buddy, and I'LL show you getting "stoned!"

Van Helsing said...

"Now that the proctologist has removed the blockages, I should be able to lose some weight. Would you like to keep one?"

David Simon said...

Sully's boyfriend: "That's disgusting."

Sully: "You got that right hon. I wouldn't wear red chenille even if it cured my HIV."

David Simon said...

"Picking up after your beagle with my bare hands is nothing Andrew. It's washing your sheets that grosses me out."

Submariner said...

Billy? Make sure you don't let Grandma "pooh-pooh" you while you're with her...

David Simon said...

"Well, well. It looks like someone thought she could get away without wearing her Depends. Drop trou ladies, or this'll be the last time we play Mah Jongh at my house."