Monday, February 20, 2006

Take It Like A Man

1. Well, now I know one thing I *wouldn't* do for a Klondike bar.

2. I'll take "Glimpses into Andrew Sullivan's subconscious for $400, Alex."

3. To get the total Enumclaw experience, you have to lodge a trout in your rectum and wait for a bald eagle to pass by.

4. Putting Howard Stern in charge of the Olympic torch lighting ceremony proved to be one of the worst mistakes ever.

5. The conservative right assumes its usual position as Bush outlines his plans for domestic spending and immigration policy.

6. Fair Warning: In Alabama and Utah, posting a caption to this photo will get you put on the Registered Sex Offender List.

7. On Kurt Cobain's birthday, let us remember the high school soccer incident that inspired "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

8. I didn't know soccer had wide receivers.

9. People Unclear on the Concept of 'Duck, Duck, Goose.'

10. "Sorry, left foot Blue. My bad."

11. ORA --- If Jim Carrey starts climbing out of his ass, I am *so* outta here.

12. After the Swedish Soccer League initiated a new spanking policy, fouls rose 300%.

13. The closing ceremonies at Turin feature a tribute to Johnny Weir.

14. ... And don't it make my brown eye, don't it make my brown eye, don't it make my brown eye blue...

Best of Rodney Dill
"Kobe, I'm open!"

Confucius say, player who turn upside down, have crack-up

Best of Divine Miss M
Adds a whole new dimension to "drop and give me 50."

"Thank you Sir, may I have another?"

Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
"Dammit, Pelé! I wish I knew how to quit you!"

Best of David Simon
The Dutch soccer team was quickly admonished that celebratory rimming would not be tolerated at the Olympics.

"I told you, the mouth and the armpit don't give accurate readings. Now stop being such a baby."

Best of Dan
The soccer team's explanation of the "Here is the Church, here is the steeple" metaphor goes horribly wrong.

Best of Van Helsing
A new Olympic record was set when he managed to hold the soccer ball aloft on a blast of continuous flatulence for 43 seconds.

Best of Submariner
The Ref drew the red card. Not for public indecency, but because Chauncy's mid back tattoo read "Insert Elton John Here ▼"

Chauncy, I don't think that's what they mean when they say "Bend it like Beckham."

Caution - open manhole ahead

Best of Six Degrees of Blondness
"Now let's you just drop them pants. Just take 'em right off!"

Hat Tip: Denver Pyle Original source unknown, but standard disclaimer and fair use whatchamajigger apply.

34 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

"Kobe, I'm open!"

Passionate Conservative said...

Looks to me like he wants to take it like a woman....

/not that there's anything wrong with that...

divine miss M said...

Adds a whole new dimension to "drop and give me 50."

divine miss M said...

"Thank you Sir, may I have another?"

Rodney Dill said...

Prophet Mohammad: "Why play game like this? Are they out of sheep?"

Jonathan said...

Austin Powers ORA:

"Who does #2 work for?!?!"

Jonathan said...

"Dammit, Pelé! I wish I knew how to quit you!"

David Simon said...

Irked by incessant catcalls, Sven Hegeland takes his frustration out on the fans.

David Simon said...

"Jeff Stryker? Without lube? Oh please, anything but that."

David Simon said...

The Dutch soccer team was quickly admonished that celebratory rimming would not be tolerated at the Olympics.

David Simon said...

"I told you, the mouth and the armpit don't give accurate readings. Now stop being such a baby."

David Simon said...

"Here comes the Spanish team, Johnny. They're going to know it was us who stole the ball."

"I've got an idea. Let's hide it."

Dan said...

The soccer team's explanation of the "Here is the Church, here is the steeple" metaphor goes horribly wrong.

T. Harris said...

All-Pro goalie Domingo "The De-Pantser" Rodriguez racks up yet another helpless victim who strayed too close to the net. Adding injury to insult, the doomed intruder's right leg was viciously wrenched from it's socket at the hip.

David Simon said...

This is what happens when dyslexics try to give wedgies.

Van Helsing said...

A new Olympic record was set when he managed to hold the soccer ball aloft on a blast of continuous flatulence for 43 seconds.

MP Martin said...

The bear went over the mountain, the bear went over the mountain, the bear went over the mountain, to see what he could see.

MP Martin said...

Insert bear/bare pun here.

MP Martin said...

Insert Brokeback pun... aw the hell with it, PUNT!!! I don't care if it's not football, punt anyway!

Rufus Leaking said...

Talk about dropping the ball!

divine miss M said...

Rule one: No poofters.

Rodney Dill said...

Confucius say, player who turn upside down, have crack-up

Submariner said...

Sven later explained, "Christy Chastain got multi-million dollar contract for exposing bra, so I figured..."

Submariner said...

Randy Moss< is a wonking quibbler. When I moon a crowd, I moon the d*mn crowd!

Submariner said...

The Ref drew the red card. Not for public indecency, but because Chauncy's mid back tattoo read "Insert Elton John Here ▼"

Submariner said...

David Spade: "Too Easy... next."

Six Degrees of Blondness said...

(Going for the obvious....)

"Now let's you just drop them pants. Just take 'em right off!"

Submariner said...

Chauncy, I don't think that's what they mean when they say "Bend it like Beckham."

Submariner said...

Sorry boys, not here. Curling is taking place over at the Ice Palace...

Submariner said...

No, d*mmit. I'M the "Master of Your Domain" bi-yotch.

Cybrludite said...

Audio Caption

Submariner said...

Caution - open manhole ahead

Anonymous said...

inspired by divine miss M

Plebe! Drop and let me give you 6!

Alex Stockwell said...

And the truth about jocks is revealed to the world.