Saturday, February 25, 2006

Saturday Americana

1. "Someday, I will escape this cruel childhood, and become the most princessy male figure skater the world has ever seen!"

2. "Please, no more erotic catfights. I'll be good! I'll be good!"

3. March 1998: Inspired by her president, Madeleine Albright closes in on a young intern and prepares to make her move.

4. "Cinderella? Little Red Riding Hood? Bush blew up the levees to kill the black people in New Orleans? Which fairy-tale are we acting out?"

5. "Why do you and Aunt Butch always get to go to the Pride Ball while I'm stuck here cleaning?"

6. Seeing that Aunt Butch had "that look" in her eye, Cousin Jenny closes her eyes and looks for her happy place.

7. "(SOB!) Ellen DeGeneres said I was too femme!"

8. Pearl Forrester and Fred Savage star in Jean Genet's The Maids.

9. (SOB) "None of my captions ever make the Best of List."

10. "Mirror, Mirror, on the wall. Who's the butchest dyke of all?"

Best of Rodney Dill
"Oh please give it to me mother I've always wanted the Harry Potter broomstick with real vibrating action."

Best of Divine miss M
Virgins, put on your "no entry" signs! We are about to confront... guys!

Best of the paperboy
"I want you to go back, Carmen, back, back to before the lifetime where you were an old woman and Victoria was a cat. What do you see?"

Best of Six Degrees of Blondness
"I've always wanted to portray Linda Blair in 'Born Innocent'!"

Best of nevergrewup
"It was just one tiny little fart. I'm sorry" said the maid. "Just for that you can spend the rest of the night under my dress and I ate bratwurst and sauerkraut"

Best of Cybrludite
The Salt Lake City cast of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" (Columbia & Magenta, repectively)

Lavina Whately's mother explanes what fate has in store for her...

Best of Dusty
Peggy Noonan pleads with the airport security guard to let her through.

Best of The Man
You can't lick carpet with a broom!

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Who knew that Tanya Harding and Rosie O'Donnell dated in college?

Best of Lyn
Repugnant, Repugnant, let down your hair.

This and pretty much anything labeled Americana comes from here. Usual disclaimer applies.

18 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

"Stop acting like such a pussy Michael, and maybe the young boys will come back to Neverland."

Rodney Dill said...

"Oh please give it to me mother I've always wanted the Harry Potter broomstick with real vibrating action."

Rodney Dill said...

"...but all I ever wanted to be was a Lumberjack."
"Then why'd ya have the operation Fred?"

divine miss M said...

Virgins, put on your "no entry" signs! We are about to confront... guys!

MP Martin said...

"I want you to go back, Carmen, back, back to before the lifetime where you were an old woman and Victoria was a cat. What do you see?"
I... I'm a maiden, a simpering handmaiden. And Victoria is a transvestite fairy godmother. (SOB!) She says that if I don't get the floor clean, I'm going to get a licking with a broom handle."

Six Degrees of Blondness said...

"I've always wanted to portray Linda Blair in 'Born Innocent'!"

"I can accommodate that. You'll have to lose the scarf, though."


[I'm so going to hell for that.]

nevergrewup said...

"It was just one tiny little fart. I'm sorry" said the maid. "Just for that you can spend the rest of the night under my dress and I ate bratwurst and sauerkraut"

sonicfrog said...

"... I thought you said doing that thing we did wouldn't get you pregnant..."

T. Harris said...

"You will notice that from my thumb to the top of the broomstick, it's as smooth as polished glass. You ever wonder why that is?"

Cybrludite said...

The Salt Lake City cast of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" (Columbia & Magenta, repectively)

Cybrludite said...

Lavina Whately's mother explanes what fate has in store for her...

Dusty said...

Peggy Noonan pleads with the airport security guard to let her through.

The Man said...

You can't lick carpet with a broom!

MP Martin said...

So you like to lick broom handles do you huh? heh, heh, heh

Son Of The Godfather said...

Who new that Tanya Harding and Rosie O'Donnell dated in college?

Son Of The Godfather said...

ACK! Who knew "new" should be spelled "knew"?

Lyn said...

Repugnant, Repugnant, let down your hair.

Lyn said...

You're telling me you'll turn into a handsome prince if I kiss you? You got the wrong fairy tail, babe.