Thursday, February 23, 2006

My Name Is Hillary, And I Have an Eating Disorder

1. The junior senator from New York is a.) Really enjoying her blintz b.) acting out the diner scene from When Harry Met Sally, c.) riding Janet Reno's face under the table, or d.) all of the above.

2. They stole it from us, our precious. Curse them! WE hates them! it's ours it is, and we wants it! We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little Republicanses.

3. As a young girl, Hillary learned to sublimate her lesbian tendencies by eating. That's why her hips are broader than an Arkansas double-wide.

4. So, Hillary's typical lunch consists of a live guinea pig washed down with the blood of virgins. I wish I could say this suprised me.

5. "Sorry, Hill, you lose. In the time it took you to down that chili dog, Mikulski polished off 26 grilled cheese sandwiches, two dozen corn dogs, a box of Suzy-Q's, and a five-gallon bucket of chili fries."

6. Hang this pic next to your refrigerator as a diet aid. You can thank me later.

7. "On second thought, I'll have what Carmen Electra is having."

8. "Barney, this hot dog is excellent! How did you ever get so good at putting meat between two buns?"

Best of Van Helsing
One of Hillary's aides better tell her that the locals don't normally eat the paper.

Best of Submariner
Bill observed, "Y'know, Hill, if there'd a been more of that in the Lincoln Bedroom, there'd a been fewer cigars in the Oval Office..."

Ozzy Ozbourne taught me to do this on bats...

Tonight on Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom: The North American Hildabeast; a political chameleon changling. In this clip we see one about to dislocate it's jaw to consume prey larger than it's mouth in a manner reminiscent of any of the large, predatory snakes.

Damn, Hillary; most people would only take one slice of Boston Cream Pie and leave the rest for others to share.

Best of jeff
People lined up for the special attraction at the fair - Hillary's butt grows visibly larger as you watch!

Best of Silhouette
The Midway sideshows gets seedier every year.

Senator Clinton suddenly noticed Cheney was no longer aiming at the mechanical ducks.

Best of The Man
Why no, I do not know what is in a Fetus Sandwich. (But I'm sure the meat is choice - V)

Best of T. Harris

The creaking sound and awful stench unleashed from The Beast's gaping maw resulted in immediate projectile vomiting from the other contestants, ensuring her victory.

Best of the paperboy
Remember Hillary, never look up when you're on camera. It makes you look like you're... oh, never mind.

I can't decide if she's watching or re-enacting Deep Throat or the pie contest from Stand By Me.

Best of nevergrewup
After accidently biting off her right index finger Mrs. Clinton comes dangerously close to consuming her left index finger.



From y'ar on a tip from Tasha.

26 comments:

Van Helsing said...

One of Hillary's aides better tell her that the locals don't normally eat the paper.

champaignken said...

Hillary Clinton recreates the Oval Office scene from the Monica Lewensky story.

Submariner said...

Bill observed, "Y'know, Hill, if there'd a been more of that in the Lincoln Bedroom, there'd a been fewer cigars in the Oval Office..."

Submariner said...

Ozzy Ozbourne taught me to do this on bats...

Tasha said...

Thanks for the tip! She is demonstrating what she would do with anyone who crosses her path.

Submariner said...

Hillary's couldn't believe it; when she looked up, Kennedy had already polished off 1/2 a side of beef and 3 six packs of Guinness Stout.

jeff said...

People lined up for the special attraction at the fair - Hillary's butt grows visibly larger as you watch!

sonicfrog said...

Hey, at least she's better with the cheese-dog than Kerry was with the Philly Chese-steak!

Silhouette said...

The Midway sideshows gets seedier every year.

Silhouette said...

Willie Nelson smiled. He knew exactly to whom he would dedicate tonight's rendition of "To All The Girl's I've Loved Before."

Silhouette said...

Senator Clinton suddenly noticed Cheney was no longer aiming at the mechanical ducks.

Cybrludite said...

Say, Hillary, is that Iron Fist from LGF standing behind you?

Rodney Dill said...

"I guess we're gonna have to teach Hillary how to say "I ate a Jelly Donut" in German"

The Man said...

Why no, I do not know what is in a Fetus Sandwich.

Submariner said...

Tonight on Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom:
The North American Hildabeast; a political chameleon changling. In this clip we see one about to dislocate it's jaw to consume prey larger than it's mouth in a manner reminiscent of any of the large, predatory snakes.

Rodney Dill said...

Never met a cream pie she didn't like.

T. Harris said...

The creaking sound and awful stench unleashed from The Beast's gaping maw resulted in immediate projectile vomiting from the other contestants, ensuring her victory.

sonicfrog said...

I wrote:

Hey, at least she's better with the cheese-dog than Kerry was with the Philly Chese-steak!

Should have been CHEESE-STEAK, not chese-steak. Why is typing such a challenge sometimes???

MP Martin said...

Monica Schmonica, I can swallow one twice, five times, twenty times as big as Bill's, whole, and still not have to come up for air.

MP Martin said...

Remember Hillary, never look up when you're on camera. It makes you look like you're... oh, never mind.

MP Martin said...

I can't decide if she's watching or re-enacting Deep Throat or the pie contest from Stand By Me.

nevergrewup said...

After accidently biting off her right index finger Mrs. Clinton comes dangerously close to consuming her left index finger.

Submariner said...

Damn, Hillary; most people would only take one slice of Boston Cream Pie and leave the rest for others to share.

Alex Stockwell said...

Apparently, everything Hillary Clinton does is funny. Show Laura Bush looking stupid, and suddenly everyone's like "Whoa, enough's enough!" Friggin' rednecks.

nevergrewup said...

"Alex,quick, help me eat this hotdog."

Submariner said...

Holy crap, look at alex stockwell deep throatin' a whole ring of Italian sausage!

alex, everyone gets ragged on here. If you don't like this, you don't have to visit; go back to Dawn's blog, or the daily Kos or wherever else your sensibilities woon't get offended. Life's too short to have that much bitterness.