Tuesday, February 21, 2006

A Month of Thursdays

1. Stargate's New Villain --- System Lord Sweet Big Daddy BadAss Jones --- was nevertheless an improvement on the Ori.

2. Mayor Nagin is now proposing kind of a "Hershey Kiss in Gold Foil Wrap City."

3. Somewhere, a naked drum major wakes up in an alley wondering where his coat went.

4. "'Cos a pimp is a person in your neighborhood In your neighborhood ..."

5. And yet, post-Grammy Award polling revealed that 86% of the audience preferred the midget accordionist.

6. Andrew Lloyd Webber presents Goldfinger: The Musical.

7. Can you guess which three are men? You'd be surprised.

8. Meanwhile, in Cincinnati, Herb Tarlek woke up in an alley and wondered who stole his shoes.

9. Do you realize that if Dick Cheney were a rap star who shot another rap star in the face with a Glock, it would actually have helped his career?

10. Kanye was heavily into S&M... Standing and Modeling.

Best of The Man
George Bush doesn't care about spraypainted gold people.

Best of Divine Miss M
Choose your next witticism carefully Mr. West; it may be your last.

Best of Submariner
Kanye West does Michael Jackson doing Stevie Wonder in a Busby Berkely extravaganza!?!
They hit Bunny? Git 'em, girls!

Best of T. Harris
You on the far left. Yeah you, the one without the tits. Trade places with the gal behind you so we can see her lovely rack a little easier.

Best of andthenblammo!
Senator Robert Byrd's Oscar Night wet dream suddenly took a strange and disconcerting turn, and he woke up screaming: 'Pimpfinger! Pimpfinger!' It took a handful of Xanax and some nice fresh white sheets to calm him down.

Best of Cybrludite
At least this way, the strippers' cheesy tattoos were hidden, as well as the scars from their c-sections and cut-rate brest implants.

Best of Mr. Right
Betty White, Rue McClanahan, Estelle Getty and Bea Arthur... eat your hearts out!

Somewhere in Oakland, MC Hammer wakes up in a dark alley and wonders where his sunglasses went.

DANCER #6: "Pssst... Kanye! Love the jacket, but shouldn't the (MC) hammer and sickle go in the front?"

Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
Kamal decided to get a gold ho' for each one of his gold teeth.

Meanwhile, a matador who walked through the streets of Compton is waking up and wondering where his jacket went.

27 comments:

The Man said...

Which hurts Kayne's "Street Credibility" more:
Walking around with an entourage of white women painted gold.
or
The shirt.

The Man said...

Johhny Weir's entourge included a thong-wearing Andrew Sullivan painted silver.

The Man said...

Kayne West wears sunglasses at night.

The Man said...

George Bush doesn't care about spraypainted gold people.

Submariner said...

Kanye was offended when Ice T laughed at him, and asked if he was "...gonna don one silver lamé glove next?"

divine miss M said...

Choose your next witticism carefully Mr. West; it may be your last.

Submariner said...

Kanye West does Michael Jackson doing Stevie Wonder in a Busby Berkely extravaganza!?!
shhhhhh - don't tell Dawn; it'll never sell in Harlem...

Rufus Leaking said...

King Midas was Black! The untold story!

jeff said...

Robert Palmer, showing the downside of being "Addicted to Love," suffers some negative side-effects.

T. Harris said...

You on the far left. Yeah you, the one without the tits. Trade places with the gal behind you so we can see her lovely rack a little easier.

catbat said...

hip hop pop quiz!
a bunch of ho's painted gold:
A. bling
B. crunk
C. takin a stand against righty whitey keepin you down

andthenblammo! said...

Senator Robert Byrd's Oscar Night wet dream suddenly took a strange and disconcerting turn, and he woke up screaming: 'Pimpfinger! Pimpfinger!'

It took a handful of Xanax and some nice fresh white sheets to calm him down.

Cybrludite said...

Is that Paris Hilton over to the right?

Cybrludite said...

At least this way, the strippers' cheesy tattoos were hidden, as well as the scars from their c-sections and cut-rate brest implants.

Submariner said...

Hillary decided she could catch the show afterall once she heard it included a large number of "golden show-girl thighs."

Submariner said...

ORA:

They hit Bunny? Git 'em, girls!

MP Martin said...

"He he, see, I origan'lly wanned ta call da remake 'Brownfinger', in honuh o' da coluh'd peepuh, but my publicist tought dat wuz a rea'y bad idee."

Mr. Right said...

"You might as well face it, you're addicted to crack..."

Mr. Right said...

Somewhere in Oakland, MC Hammer wakes up in a dark alley and wonders where his sunglasses went.

Mr. Right said...

Betty White, Rue McClanahan, Estelle Getty and Bea Arthur... eat your hearts out!

Mr. Right said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mr. Right said...

DANCER #6: "Pssst... Kanye! Love the jacket, but shouldn't the (MC) hammer and sickle go in the front?"

Mr. Right said...

"Yo! Welcome to the First Annual Playas Awards. I'm your emcee, Kanye West, and these lovely ladies are not just dancers for the opening number... see, if your name be on the inside of an envelope, y'all be takin' one of these home where you can mount it wherever you see fit! Sho' 'nuff beats the sh*t out of a Grammy, now don't it? Word!"

Mr. Right said...

Ironically enough, it was the one in the middle with the dark complexion that became known far and wide as "Pussy Galore"...

Jonathan said...

Kamal decided to get a gold ho' for each one of his gold teeth.

Jonathan said...

The matador who walked through the streets of Compton is waking up and wondering where his jacket went.

Alex Stockwell said...

And MLK continues to roll in his grave...