1. Stargate's New Villain --- System Lord Sweet Big Daddy BadAss Jones --- was nevertheless an improvement on the Ori.
2. Mayor Nagin is now proposing kind of a "Hershey Kiss in Gold Foil Wrap City."
3. Somewhere, a naked drum major wakes up in an alley wondering where his coat went.
4. "'Cos a pimp is a person in your neighborhood In your neighborhood ..."
5. And yet, post-Grammy Award polling revealed that 86% of the audience preferred the midget accordionist.
6. Andrew Lloyd Webber presents Goldfinger: The Musical.
7. Can you guess which three are men? You'd be surprised.
8. Meanwhile, in Cincinnati, Herb Tarlek woke up in an alley and wondered who stole his shoes.
9. Do you realize that if Dick Cheney were a rap star who shot another rap star in the face with a Glock, it would actually have helped his career?
10. Kanye was heavily into S&M... Standing and Modeling.
Best of The Man
George Bush doesn't care about spraypainted gold people.
Best of Divine Miss M
Choose your next witticism carefully Mr. West; it may be your last.
Best of Submariner
Kanye West does Michael Jackson doing Stevie Wonder in a Busby Berkely extravaganza!?!
They hit Bunny? Git 'em, girls!
Best of T. Harris
You on the far left. Yeah you, the one without the tits. Trade places with the gal behind you so we can see her lovely rack a little easier.
Best of andthenblammo!
Senator Robert Byrd's Oscar Night wet dream suddenly took a strange and disconcerting turn, and he woke up screaming: 'Pimpfinger! Pimpfinger!' It took a handful of Xanax and some nice fresh white sheets to calm him down.
Best of Cybrludite
At least this way, the strippers' cheesy tattoos were hidden, as well as the scars from their c-sections and cut-rate brest implants.
Best of Mr. Right
Betty White, Rue McClanahan, Estelle Getty and Bea Arthur... eat your hearts out!
Somewhere in Oakland, MC Hammer wakes up in a dark alley and wonders where his sunglasses went.
DANCER #6: "Pssst... Kanye! Love the jacket, but shouldn't the (MC) hammer and sickle go in the front?"
Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
Kamal decided to get a gold ho' for each one of his gold teeth.
Meanwhile, a matador who walked through the streets of Compton is waking up and wondering where his jacket went.