Sunday, February 26, 2006

Leftover 'cana

1. Suddenly, Earl's Spidey Sense was tingling.

2. "I have done as you have commanded, Lord. The walls of the temple are washed with the blood of the unbelievers. Also, I trimmed the hedges."

3. "Two jumbo jets in a mid-air collision. Damn, that debris is gonna wreck my azaleas."

4. "So, you're the angel Moroni? I always thought you'd be taller."

5. "Gee, Martha, that branch juct barely missed us. Martha? Martha?"

6. "And, lo, I beheld a white horse, and on him was a smelly pirate hooker. And there went out a horse that was red, and on him was a chubby kid in a pumpkin T-shirt. And then I beheld a black horse, and on him was a porky, bald, Englishman, and in his hand held he a beagle, and a leather hood, and a dildo. And behold, a pale horse, and the name that sat upon him was Kobe, and, lo, he was open." --- Book of Captions, 771:6

7. "No one believes you're really gonna jump off the roof, Billy. They say you're too much of a p*ssy and a chikensh*t. Prove 'em wrong, Billy. Prove 'em wrong!"

8. "That's an excellent point, Lord. Why do I clothe myself when the Backyard of Eden provides all that I need."

9. KA-BOOM! "Damn, there goes the meth lab."

10. "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope."

11. "Surrender... Dorothy?"

Best of T. Harris
As Bill looked up and saw the humongous Milwaukee's Best Lite can about to crush out his existence, he had a split second to regret not spending this Sunday watching the NASCAR race with the boys.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Din't you say, Bring me a shrubbery?"

"Dang, I liked that cat too."

Best of jeff
Ooooh, George that looks like it hurt - but if we put it on ice they can sew it back on just like that Bobbit feller!

Best of The Man
Slingblade 2 will probably go straight to video.

Best of Chevy Rose
"Bruce, I'm thinkin' you'se on the wrong end of that limb to be cuttin'."

"BETTY!, you'd better phone Edison Electric, and EMS. Bruce done locked up my new chainsaw on what I thought was a vine on this here old tree....Boy! Is he a sparkin'."

Best of Cybrludite
More of the Salt Lake City RHPS cast. It's Riff-Raff!

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Larry and Earl proved just what two men motivated by a 12-pack of beer can accomplish with simply a single lawn chair, four weather balloons, and a tank full of helium.

Arkansas garden gnome.

Best of Submariner
Oh ennui, why won't you >CCCRRRACK!< Thump!

It's raining men! Oh crap!, it's raining men!

Americana from the usual place with the usual disclaimers and the usual fair use.

22 comments:

T. Harris said...

Bill's wife had insisted that she needed some pine clippings to make wreaths for next Christmas. As Bill looked up and saw the humongous Milwaukee's Best Lite can about to crush out his existence, he had a split second to regret not spending this Sunday watching the NASCAR race with the boys.

Rodney Dill said...

"Din't you say, Bring me a shrubbery?"

Rodney said...

"knew I should've only used a half stick of dynamite on that stump."

Jonathan H said...

"Aww sh*t! I cut down the wrong tree."

jeff said...

Ooooh, George that looks like it hurt - but if we put it on ice they can sew it back on just like that Bobbit feller!
Oh yeah, you want me to keep this rope as a souvenir?

The Man said...

Slingblade 2 will probably go straight to video.

Rodney Dill said...

"Dang, I liked that cat too."

Chevy Rose said...

"Bruce, I'm thinkin' you'se on the wrong end of that limb to be cuttin'."

----------------
"BETTY!, you'd better phone Edison Electric, and EMS. Bruce done locked up my new chainsaw on what I thought was a vine on this here old tree....Boy! Is he a sparkin'."

----------------
"Huh Bruce, stop following around up there. Your face is turning blue...and kickin' your feet and stickin' out your tongue just ain't funny....Bruce?....Bruce?"

Rodney Dill said...

"How we get him down? Well Ed's only got one arm, Ya s'pose iffin I wave he'll wave back?"

Cybrludite said...

More of the Salt Lake City RHPS cast. It's Riff-Raff!

MP Martin said...

Safety tip: When I yell "HEADS!" you're supposed to cover your head, not point your eyes at the sky.

MP Martin said...

Say, doesn't that cloud look like two smelly pirate hookers licking each other? Made you look!

Son Of The Godfather said...

Larry and Earl proved just what two men motivated by a 12-pack of beer can accomplish with simply a single lawn chair, four weather balloons, and a tank full of helium.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Arkansas garden gnome.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Guess there're some days you should warm yer hands 'fore milkin' the cow."

nevergrewup said...

Bruce really likes it when the "Brawny Man" wears his pink tutu to work.

Gavriel said...

I don't comment too often here, but I just wanted to drop in an "AttaBoy" for all your great work. This stuff is unceasingly hilarious. Keep it up.

Sorry to interrupt the party, back to work.

Submariner said...

Oh ennui, why won't you >CCCRRRACK!< Thump!

Submariner said...

It's raining men! Oh crap!, it's raining men!

Submariner said...

C'mere, Martha. HERE'S something you don't see everyday; two Muslim's flying hand-in-hand following an airplane's blowing up over the channel...

Submariner said...

Actually, I have it tied to the end of this rope and just tug it out to pee...

Submariner said...

Larry plays an updated version of "POP! Goes the Weasel"