Friday, February 10, 2006

Hush, Hush, Sweet Dingbat

1. "Why do you smell like Ellen DeGeneres?" "How do you know what Ellen DeGeneres smells like."

2. "I thought you said Ike and Tina would be cool with the swap."

3. Movie nights at the Clinton White House were easy since everyone but Stephanopolous enjoyed hot, girl-on-girl action.

4. "... and if you want to win over the Gen-X crowd, begin your eulogy with 'I am Dieter, Shall ve dance?"

5. "You ever think about what you'll say at my funeral?" "Every minute of every day, Bill."

6. "Look at the way Martha Logan pushes her spineless, weasel-like husband around that is so-o-o-o-o unrealistic."

7. "I said, your earring's caught in my cuff-link."

8. "Cheezus, Hill. There are cameras all over the place. Could you at least pretend you'd rather be here than fisting Paula Poundstone at a Leather Womyn's Retreat?"

9. "I could smell the bitter almonds in my morning coffee a mile away. You'll have to try a lot harder than that, Hill."

10. "I've always secretly fantasized about being covered in canola oil and whipped by the Bush twins." "For God's sake, Hill, it's a funeral!"

Best of ColoradoPatriot
[O]bscure [I]mmature [C]ollege [F]arting [G]ame [R]eference: "Doorknob"*

"Sharpton's a big homo, pass it on."

"Grape, another flannel roll for a blank person we can exploit for polemical Danes." Carter's attempt to play "Telephone" fell flat pretty quickly.

Best of jeff
"Can I be on top tonight?" ("That's really up to whatever chubby slut you pick up at the sleazebar, Bill.") - V

Best of David Simon
"I can't keep my legs crossed and my crotch covered with notepaper forever. Tell me about your munch session with Ellen so I can get rid of this boner."

"Yes Bill, your watch is still ticking. Unfortunately, so is your heart."

"I can't even remember the last time I went six hours without getting laid. Who's idea was this anyway?"

Best of T. Harris
"If you feel somethin' pokin' the back of your chair, for God's sakes don't turn around. Just act like you don't feel nothin'. That damn Conyer's got more hangin' meat than an Arkansas smokehouse and it pisses me and Little Bubba off somethin' fierce."

Best of bad-d-d-dude
Do you realize I have had sex with everyone in this room . . . except you?

Best of AM42
Where will you be when your laxative starts working?

Best of Jonathan H
"I should have used Preparation H."

Best of Dusty
Conyers and I both could hear that last one.

Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
"It's right here in Leviticus 18:22, Hill: 'Thou shall not lie with mankind as with womankind: it is abomination.' So as long as you don't LAY DOWN when you're with Ellen or Rosie, you should be in the clear!"

Best of Submariner
Da-amn, Hill. Great queef!

Bush is fine, but don't piss off Cheney. We're going hunting tomorrow.

You can have her daughter if I can have her cousin...

* I don't get it, but hey, he linked to Jeremy Bloom.

K Is P --- AGAIN!

28 comments:

ColoradoPatriot said...

[O]bscure [I]mmature [C]ollege [F]arting [G]ame [R]eference:

"Doorknob"

ColoradoPatriot said...

"Sharpton's a big homo, pass it on."

ColoradoPatriot said...

"Grape, another flannel roll for a blank person we can exploit for polemical Danes."
Carter's attempt to play "Telephone" fell flat pretty quickly.

jeff said...

"Can I be on top tonight?"

David Simon said...

"He asked me if you ever wear skirts. I told him that you're like me; you only chase them."

The Man said...

Bill: I don't care if it has cowboys in it. I am not interested in seeing that movie.

David Simon said...

"I can't keep my legs crossed and my crotch covered with notepaper forever. Tell me about your munch session with Ellen so I can get rid of this boner."

David Simon said...

I admit I had beer goggles on with Monica and Paula. But after Ellen, Melissa and Rosie, where do you get off criticizing my taste in women?

T. Harris said...

"If you feel somethin' pokin' the back of your chair, for God's sakes don't turn around. Just act like you don't feel nothin'. That damn Conyer's got more hangin' meat than an Arkansas smokehouse and it pisses me and Little Bubba off somethin' fierce."

bad-d-d-dude said...

Do you realize I have had sex with everyone in this room . . . except you?

David Simon said...

"Yes Bill, your watch is still ticking. Unfortunately, so is your heart."

David Simon said...

"I can't even remember the last time I went six hours without getting laid. Who's idea was this anyway?"

AM42 said...

"I told you not to have Taco Bell for breakfast."

AM42 said...

Where will you be when your laxative starts working?

Rufus Leaking said...

No, Hillary, black is not slimming.

Rufus Leaking said...

The lights came up and you could see Topo Gigio's handler plain as day.

Jonathan H said...

"I should have used Preparation H."

Revka said...

Great blog, and hilarious post!

Dusty said...

Conyers and I both could hear that last one.

Rodney Dill said...

"Remember the strategy Hill, Blame Bush!"

Rodney Dill said...

"I can't find my cigar... you have it?"

MT said...

Fantastic! I'm blogrolling you now...great work.

Jonathan said...

"Get it? 'Fluctuations'? 'F##k you Asians'? Uh...go back to sleep, Hill!"

Jonathan said...

"It's right here in Leviticus 18:22, Hill: 'Thou shall not lie with mankind as with womankind: it is abomination.' So as long as you don't LAY DOWN when you're with Ellen or Rosie, you should be in the clear!"

Submariner said...

Da-amn, Hill. Great queef!

Submariner said...

Bush is fine, but don't piss off Cheney. We're going hunting tomorrow.

Submariner said...

Does this cartoon look like Muhammed to you?

Submariner said...

You can have her daughter if I can have her cousin...