1. "By the power vested in me by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts..."
2. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
3. Ladies' Night at Enumclaw.
4. Their match-up was no accident. Both of them listed '9 Lives' as their favorite food in eHarmony's intake form.
5. Not surprisingly, her previous lover was Garfield... James Garfield.
6. As her Alzheimer's accelerates, Ella kisses the cat and rubs her grand-daughter's nose in the litterbox.
7. "Dammit, Toonces, I wish I knew how to quit you."
8. The geriatric lesbian sighed, "What the hell, pussy is pussy."
9. Grandma and the Ewok was an in-your-face rebuttal to people who thought the Star Wars franchise had hit rock bottom with The Phantom Menace.
10. Does the prescription drug benefit cover rabies shots? Grandma was about to find out.
Best of Rodney Dill
Animal Planet: As her cat aged and lost its teeth Velda found she needed to pre-chew the mice to get Fluffy to eat.
Best of Cybrludite
"It is said that in Enumclaw, which lies beyond the river Skai, no man may kiss a cat; and this I can verily believe as I gaze upon him who sitteth purring before the fire. For the cat is cryptic, and close to strange things which men really don't want to see." H.P. Lovecraft, "The Cats of Enumclaw"
Best of Submariner
"Madonna and Britney Spears!" Susie realized that Granny was particularly adept at charades.
Grandma didn't make dinner cause she was stoned? I don't understand...
While the rest of her siblings were taken aback, Rosie said simply, "That's ok Grandma, I lick 'em too."
Flo would rue the day she asked "that kind Mr. Miyagi" next door to watch Fluffy for a few days while she visited her sister in Ohio.
Best of nevergrewup
After watching "The Green Mile" Grandma was sure she could suck the distemper out of little Fluffy.
Best of Six Degrees of Blondness
"That's 8 of your 9 lives for sucking the breath out of my beautiful grand-baby!! Don't push me, you hell-creature!!"
Best of The Man
Grandma sees this as revenge for Grandpa's experiment with a bottle of baby oil and Chippy the hampster
Best of WALSTIB
Um, Grandma, when they say cats like to be licked clean, they usually do it themselves.
My name is Hillary, and I have an eating disorder.
"I'll never got used to getting tickled by her whiskers". -- Thought balloon; works for either one
I used to enjoy your blog until I realized that you've crossed the fine line between hilarity and unfairly making fun of geriatric lesbians with bestiality fetishes. I'm removing you from my blogroll.
Caption This Fun Fact! According to Wikipedia, Enumclaw's name derives from a local Native American word meaning "strong wind" or "thundering noise."
In other words, Enumclaw means 'fart' in American Indian.
Mr Cranky also has a Cap Contest on this, but I think we're better.