Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Why Bill Cheats

1. "I AM SICK AND TIRED OF PEOPLE SPECULATING ABOUT MY DAYDREAMS, MY SUBCONSCIOUS, AND MY SECRET LESBIAN FANTASIES."

2. Everybody's doin' a brand new dance now/C'mon baby do the
loco-motion..."


3. "Ein Volk! Ein Dyke!"

4. "The Republicans run the Congress like a plantation. And if any of you even think of voting for them, I swear to God I'll cut off your foot and sell your children."

5. "And as we all know, spying on Americans is wrong... unless they're conservative radio talkshow hosts, political opponents with FBI files, or bimbos your husband banged who need to shut the Hell up!"

6. "Hey, Rev, does your choir know anything by the Indigo Girls?"

7. "Senator Byrd! No! You put that cross out this very minute!"

8. For shame, Senator Clinton! Don't you know how many Smurf villages were firebombed to procure the pelts for that jacket?

9. "Hey, you, the hottie with the white hair and coat hangers. I'll be back to pick you up later."

10. "It's all right, everyone. Try to remain Calm. No sudden moves. Howard Dean is not usually dangerous unless something startles him."

Best of Submariner
So anyways, there I was on the plane and these two brothers started talking, but the stew couldn't understand them. Lucky thing I was there to interpret their jive...

A moment later, Hill whipped her head left and let fly, setting a new expectoratin' record by hitting the second tier balcony...

Harry Belafonte muttered, "If she doesn't shut up soon, even I am going to vote for a Republican!"

Best of Van Helsing
I'm a freak in heat/A dog without warning/My appetite is sex/Cuz, oh, me so horny... And I think you know what I'm talking about... Is Sheila Jackson Lee in the house?

Best of The Man
Some people say I am playing the race card. That's nothing but jive-talk, bitches. You know what I'm talking about.

Best of The Man
Ms. Clinton's aides told her that doing The Robot would probably not win over the crowd.

Best of sonicfrog
Domo arigato, Mrs. Roboto, domo...domo

Best of Shayne
"... and sometimes, after I eat some bran flakes, it sounds like this..."

Best of Rodney Dill
Hillary alienates even more New York voters by indicating that she is a Braves fan.

"But, Mr Wonka, I want to eat the blueberries."

Best of Mr. Right
"Um... excuse me, can I get some help up here? Someone put the red felt banner on this podium on backwards... the hammer and sickle are supposed to go in the front!"

"I like big butts and I can not lie/You other brothers can't deny/That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist/And a round thing in your face/You get sprung...

Stolen from Getaway Pundit.

30 comments:

Submariner said...

Why some of my "best friends" got their start on the Congressional plantation...

Rufus Leaking said...

Yankee tickets? Anybody got Yankee tickets? How 'bout it, I just gotta see this game - who's got an extra ticket?

Submariner said...

For those of you seeing this on Fox, please note that I am leaning to the right at the moment.

Submariner said...

A moment later, Hill whipped her head left and let fly, setting a new expectoratin' record by hitting the second tier balcony...

Submariner said...

>wink< >wink< Condi's the only brown lady I don't have a taste for; and you know what I'm talkin' about!

Submariner said...

We had 12 - 16% of the black population vote for Bush in '04; and I want you to go back to voting Democratic Party like you're told! did I say that out loud?

Van Helsing said...

I tell you how it go
I'm a down with it ho
I'm a freak in heat
A dog without warning
My appetite is sex
Cuz, oh, me so horny
And I think you know what I'm talking about...
Is Sheila Jackson Lee in the house?

Submariner said...

And John 16:3 IS my favorite verse, same as Bill...

Submariner said...

Thought bubble, guy behind her: "She really IS full of shit - just look at it just oozing down those fat thighs..."

The Man said...

Some people say I am playing the race card. That's nothing but jive-talk baby. You know what I'm talking about.

The Man said...

Ms. Clinton's aides told her that doing The Robot would probably not win over the crowd.

Submariner said...

So anyways, there I was on the plane and these two brothers started talking, but the stew couldn't understand them. Lucky thing I was there to interpret their jive...

Submariner said...

For my next number, I have a little ditty made famous by Prussian Blue...

Submariner said...

C'mon choir, back me up:
(oo-ooh) What you want
(oo-ooh) Baby, I got
(oo-ooh) What you need
(oo-ooh) Do you know I got it?
(oo-ooh) All I'm askin'
(oo-ooh) Is for a little respect when you come vote (just a little bit)

sonicfrog said...

Robert Guillaume, looking absolutely bored to death, longs for the days when he did character voices for "Captain Planet and the Planeteers". Yes, THAT'S how dreadful it is to listen to Hillary when she's on a rant.

sonicfrog said...

Domo arigato, Mrs. Roboto, domo...domo

Shayne said...

"and sometimes, after I eat some bran flakes, it sounds like this..."

sonicfrog said...

The first working model in the Sexbot series continues to be a great and bitter dissapointment.

Rodney Dill said...

Hillary alienates even more New York voters by indicating that she is a Braves fan.

Submariner said...

Harry Bellafonte muttered, "If she doesn't shut up soon, even I am going to vote for a Republican!"

Submariner said...

Halle Berry! C'mon up here and give your Auntie Hillary a kiss...

Mr. Right said...

"Um... excuse me, can I get some help up here? Someone put the red felt banner on this podium on backwards... the hammer and sickle are supposed to go in the front!"

Mr. Right said...

"C'mon, everybody, sing along...

Nobody knows the trouble I seen,
Nobody knows the sorrow..."

Mr. Right said...

"I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But with that butt you got makes me feel so horny
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz?
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you ain't that average groupy
I've seen them dancin'
The hell with romancin'
She's sweat, wet,
Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' flat butts are the thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
Shake that healthy butt!
Baby got back!"

Rodney Dill said...

"But, Willie Wonka, I want to eat the blueberries."

Prough91 said...

In the middle of her speech, Hillary inexplicably bust a rhyme.

Little known fact: Hillary whistled the the them to the Andy Griffith show.

Rodney Dill said...

"I am a jelly do-nut... hmmm, sounded more presidential in german."

Rodney Dill said...

If she has a fit,
you must git.

Submariner said...

might as well start this one by apologizing to Dawn for stereotyping...

In an effort to pander to the black vote, Ms. Rodham got carried away and promised "Hillary-fried chicken" to every voter; no breasts, only left wings and huge meaty thighs.

Robert said...

"I'm down with you, dogs. I'm in the herz...ouse" Hmmm, I'm not reaching them. Oooo I know "Plantation!"

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