Saturday, January 28, 2006

The Usual Saturday Americana

1. "Well, with your coloring, I'd go with the teal body stocking, but red is also good."

2. Mary Kaye LeTourneau sizes up another prospect.

3. "I appreciate your interest in your daughter's happiness, but you'll just have to take my word for it. There's plenty down there to keep her satisfied."

4. "Oh, don't worry about holding 'em in, I've been farted on lots of times."

5. "Sorry, Jeff, but you gotta be at least this big to ride the Wild Linda"

6. "No, trust me, this will work better and won't leave scratches on the bedposts."

7. Mrs. Wilson's sex-ed class covers auto-erotic asphyxiation.

8. "We gotta make sure the sleeves are long enough to cover your 'Gay Pride' tattoo."

9. Jeff survives the humiliation by composing another teen-angst poem for his journal. Jeff has a very large journal.

10. "Well, I may not be as young and supple as I once was, but, c'mon Jeffy. Do you really want to be the only 17 year old virgin at this school?"

No actual wholesome small-town Americans were harmed in the fair, legitimate, satirical use of this photo.

15 comments:

sonicfrog said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
sonicfrog said...

Man-ufacturing supervisor Emma Bijugski begins assesing the various defects in the Male Sexbot prototype.

Chevy Rose said...

"Son, this IS one of the first thing you must learn to accept when becoming a woman."

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"Don't be embarressed, George. All the 'girlie-men' go through this in California."

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"What? You thought all tailors were men?" (Putz)

Rodney Dill said...

Mary Kaye LeTourneau sizes up another prospect.
Isn't the Tape Measure in the wrong spot for that?

Rufus Leaking said...

So, Seamus, do you dress to the left or to the right? Oh, I see, sorry - the Irish curse. . .

Anonymous said...

Aunt Helen, when you said you wanted to see how long it hangs, this isn't what I thought you meant :-(
-WALSTIB

Submariner said...

Gary's thought bubble: "Why the hell is she measuring my arm for a kilt?"

Submariner said...

Darlene's sales pitch included a demonstration of just how many inches of arm she could deep-throat. She rarely lost a John thereafter.

Submariner said...

Dammit mom, they call me "Tiny" because I'm a big guy, not because I have a little willie. Would you puh-leaze stop measuring and embarrassing me?

Submariners said...

Gary blushed for 25 minutes after Auntie Jane took his inseam measurement.

sonicfrog said...

New X-Men member, Boy Chameleon, gets measured by Jean Grey for his superhero duds.

I've gone from obsessing on Sexbots to having X-Men comments stuck on the brain.

Cybrludite said...

I had no idea that getting an orange pumpkin shirt was so involved.

Cybrludite said...

Submariner,

So he does have a "little willy", but that's not the source of the nickname, then?

Son Of The Godfather said...

"So... heh heh... It seems the courts are letting off all sorts of women when they're caught 'doing it' with young boys... heh heh... Not that I'm suggesting anything, Ms.Plimpton... heh heh... But those guys were sure stupid to let anyone know they had such a good thing going on... heh heh... Of course, if that happened to me, I'd never tell a soul... no sirree... not a single soul..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Billy just knew the two-watches thing would have the chicks climbing all over him.