Sunday, January 22, 2006
There's Something About Mikulski
1. "No, Senator, your line is 'I'm melting...melting. What a world!' Jebus, the Scarecrow isn't the only one who could use a gawdamm brain around here."
2. "I know that your powers of retention, are as wet as a warthog's backside / But thick as you are, pay attention! / My words are a matter of pride / It's clear from your vacant expression / The lights are not all on upstairs..." (O.R.A.)
3. "Oh, sure, Senator Mikulski, we'll definitely post this pic on a Thursday... in Hell!!!!!"
4. At last. A pic of one of Prough's real girlfriends.
5. "So, are you a ... mountin' lion?" "Forget it, Mikulski... not even if Humungous loaned you his face mask."
6. When Sen. Mikulski was invited to lead a Pride March, she expected something totally different.
7. "Mikulski, but let me explain. When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass. And so we are all connnected in the great Circle of Life. You, by the way, smell like antelope crap."
8. "I'm sorry Mrs Mikulski, you're not qualified to work at KMart, and you'll have to return the smock."
9. "Usually, we pick the dumbest and weakest of the herd to cull, but Senator Boxer was getting botox."
10. After wandering into the Plushie Convention, Senator Mikulski got beaucoup compliments on her walrus costume.
Best of Divine Miss M
Lions and tigers and dingbats, oh, my!
Best of Mo K
Heavens to Murgatroyd! They promised me Barney Fwank! Exit, stage right.
Best of Catbat
Even the ruler of the island of misfit toys had to politely decline her rent application.
Best of Rodney Dill
Brokeback Mountain Lion
Best of Son Of The Godfather
Shouldn't she be somewhere telling someone to "go into the light" or "this house is clean" or something?
Mikulski unveils the new Democrat mascot... A clawless, toothless, pussy.
Aren't we short a Wardrobe?
Best of Submariner
"Why yes, I was sodomized by a cougar last night. But to really fill a void in my life, I'd like to experience a really big cat; if you know what I mean..."
"Oh, big deal, so the kid walked in on us. I'm sure it won't traumatize him, but just to be sure, I'll send him to herd sheep on Brokeback Mountain with those two cowboys. That should make a man out of him."
Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
"What a hairy, smelly, foul-breathed creature! Don't you agree, Mr. Lion?"
Best of Mr. Right
Only afterward did Leo the MGM Lion learn that in her case, the MGM stood for "Mikulski Goes Moo!"
Best of Cybrludite
"Great, I only can pick-up one TV channel, and they're showing some Sid & Marty Kroft crapfest from the '70s..." - Lileks' personal vision of Hell
...and this is your brain on drugs. Any questions?
I got this on a tip, but sometimes people who submit don't want me to give their names, but You Know Who You Are!