Thursday, January 26, 2006

Pants? We Don't Need No Stinking Pants!

1. "Hey, we're wearing shirts and shoes. We demand service."

2. "Fresh air through my privates provides temporary relief from that itching, burning yeast infection."

3. "I wish this train would go faster, or they might start the anti-abortion protest without me!"

4. "I'm auditioning for a job at Scorez. Anyone mind if I practice my pole dancing?"

5. "Nah, she doesn't do anything for me. Large men with bald spots on the other hand, Rrrrrowwwrr!"

6. "The Berkeley City Council sentenced me to six weeks community service flashing my supple young flesh to commuters who seldom get any."

7. Bjork never understood why she was arrested. She just assumed from the smell that everybody peed in the subway.

8. Another concession of the Bloomberg administration to the Transit Workers Union: bag ladies are required to be younger, better-looking, and show some skin.

9. Dang, I can't remember which Clinton advertised the internship. Well, either way, I'm dressed for success.

10. "Probably just o' them 'Metro-sexuals' ya hear so much about."

Best of jeff
Hey Bud, is it considered child pr0n when they peel in front of you on the subway?

Best of the Spambot
Do you want to find an internship in spring and summer in 2006? You can see countless internship more than any other internship job site.

Best of Cybrludite
Yeah, she's probably jail-bait, but don't complain. The next car down's "No Pants" particapant works as a Michael Moore impersonator...

The young female Chechen terrorist continued with her mission, despite the lack of a restroom to more privately retrive her supply of Semtex.

Best of Mr. Right
"Did you ever make love on a real train, Joel?"

"Hey, Paul... You better not do that here --- Oh! So that's why they called you 'Pee-Wee' Herman!"

Best of Submariner
"Dammit Jill, no daughter of mine should be dropping trou on the tube. Either strip completely or don't tease these nice folks."

See? I am a "natural brunette!"

Huh? Well just how much privacy did you think a $10 quickie would buy?

Best of The Man
Chasity's doctor informed her the rash developed because the poles on the subway were not as clean as the ones at DeJa Vu.

Best of Van Helsing
Despite her best efforts, she was unable to elicit the anonymous wedgie that had become the focus of her most intense sexual fantasies.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Well that eliminates the Camel-toe problem."

Best of Prough91
Artie was so glad he brought his pole on the commute that morning.

Jill was different. Oh yeah, she put her pants on one leg at a time like everyone else, but she didn't pull them up all the way.

Best of Jonathan Leffingwell
"Dammit, Amtrak, I wish I knew how to quit you!"

Best of Citizen Grim
With property values skyrocketing throughout New York City, strip club owners were forced to come up with creative new solutions...

Best of Rufus Leaking
Semtex? I thought you said TAMPAX!

What if you gave 'performance art' and nobody noticed?

That's not what the conductor meant when he said, 'Please use the rear door!'


From here, H/T Ace,

30 comments:

jeff said...

Jake: Hey Bud, is it considered child porn when they peel in front of you on the subway?
Bud: I don't know Jake, but I'm just going to pretend she's 18 and enjoy the show...

(Personally I think she looks about 12-14... nowhere near 18 at least)

Live said...

Do you want to find an internship in spring and summer in 2006? Just visit www.livejobsites.com. You can see countless internship more than any other internship job sites

jeff said...

Oooooh, spam? How did that happen?

Cybrludite said...

Yeah, she's probably jail-bait, but don't complain. The next car down's "No Pants" particapant works as a Michael Moore impersonator...

Mr. Right said...

"Did you ever make love on real train, Joel?"

Mr. Right said...

"Hi, I'm 'live' from livebl*wjobsites.com! How may I service you?"

Eat sh*t and die, spambot!

Mr. Right said...

"Hey, Paul... You better not do that here --- Oh! So that's why they called you 'Pee-Wee' Herman!"

Submariner said...

Y'know, it's, like, the itch just doesn't get satisfied when I, like, scratch through my, like, jeans, so do you, like, mind if I drop 'em here to, like, scratch it?

Submariner said...

"Dammit Jill, no daughter of mine should be dropping trou on the tube. Either strip completely or don't tease these nice folks."

Submariner said...

See? I am a "natural brunette!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

"When SOTG is too busy writing reviews for his nightshift people to skip on captions for a few days, it makes me just want to drop my pants in public and queef away!"

Submariner said...

"...and when I reach puberty, Leroy promised me I could be a smelly pirate hooker on Halloween..."

Submariner said...

Huh? Well just how much privacy did you think a $10 quickie would buy?

The Man said...

Chasity's doctor informed her the rash developed because the poles on the subway were not as clean as the ones at DeJa Vu.

lawhawk said...

This is the subway you're looking for....

Jenny knew that she'd have a tough audience, but had no idea that her first gig would be on the subway.

I see that Abacrombie and Fitch was gearing up their annual scantily clad boys and girls campaign to get the fire and pitchfork crowd in a tizzy, but misunderstimated that starting it in the NYC Subways was doomed to failure for not being nearly bizarre enough.

Van Helsing said...

Despite her best efforts, she was unable to elicit the anonymous wedgie that had become the focus of her most intense sexual fantasies.

Submariner said...

I am so a member of the Bloods. Here, I'll prove it...

Submariner said...

Snoop! I've been hopin' to have you film me for you "Girls Gone Wild - Doggy Style!" vid.

Submariner said...

Note to self:
Pop Rocks ® as a douche - bad idea

Rodney Dill said...

"Well that eliminates the Camel-toe problem."

Rufus Leaking said...

What if you gave 'performance art' and nobody noticed?

Rufus Leaking said...

That's not what the conductor meant when he said, 'Please use the rear door!'

Prough91 said...

Artie was so glad he brought his pole on the commute that morning.

Jill was different. Oh yeah, she put her pants on one leg at a time like everyone else, but she didn't pull them up all the way.

Jonathan said...

"Dammit, Amtrak, I wish I knew how to quit you!"

Submariner said...

ORA:

Curious behavior. Jim; are you sure that this mode of transportation is the only way to get to the whale's abode?

Citizen Grim said...

With property values skyrocketing throughout New York City, strip club owners were forced to come up with creative new solutions...

Citizen Grim said...

"EVERYONE TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF! THEY WON'T LET US OFF UNTIL WE TAKE OUR PANTS OFF!"

Cybrludite said...

The young female Chechen terrorist continued with her mission, despite the lack of a restroom to more privately retrive her supply of Semtex.

Rufus Leaking said...

Semtex? I thought you said TAMPAX!

Son Of The Godfather said...

"That'll teach 'em to not have working toilets in every car."